Wednesday, July 27, 2011

8 things I learned in San Diego

So just a quick update from down here in San Diego. Here are the 8 things I have noticed so far.

1. San Diego weather is so so perfect...... it makes me hate everyone who lives here year round. Its not fair. They should at least get a tornado season or something?

2. When you haven't surfed in 10 years....... well lets just say its not like riding a bike. I swear I almost drowned.

3. Frisbee golf is really really huge down here.... and the course in Balboa is awesome..... a special late shoutout to the guy I hit with my disc. FORE!

4. My brother Scott and I can still do an effective bar crawl..... from what I'm told! Though Id skip that last bar next time. I still cant find my favorite underwear!

5. Creepy old beach guys love to Rollerblade! .... and people in costume for some reason?

6. You should probably ask if you are at a nude beach before you assume you are at one. Again.... it was an honest mistake officer.

7. I had an amazing "California burrito!!" It was delicious!....but seriously burrito place..."Is a 2lb burrito necessary?"

8.and finally.... the rooms on the Crystal Pier are kinda spendy but awesome!!!! And the staff is very friendly....."Thanks for the hospitality guys... and sorry bout the fire!"

Anyways gotta run......... headed out on the town in Pacific Beach today.... but then headed north to the waterpark tomorrow... and I have something horrible... er... wonderful in mind for you all about that. Until then.... blog ya'll later!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The San Diego vacation post

So I am headed on vacation this week. Headed down to sunny San Diego..... 

Gonna surf...poorly

and kayak...dangerously

oh ya and golf along the way... exceptionally well!

and maybe if there's time a little whale watching...


But whatever. I'm excited cause I haven't been down to San Diego  in a while. In truth it used to be home.  When I was growing up..

Yep... all true. It's where I was born... er... found on the Church of Scientologies front doorstep with the note... "Pretty sure he's pure evil. Good luck having science explain where he came from. He's all yours you stupid stuffy Travolta's." But regardless lets move on.... its gonna be real good to go back home... and... I fully intend to bring you all some Southern California flavored posts.....

Posts full of Botox, silicone and lots of  "self importance". They are gonna be really well written too. I'm gonna fill them full of sentences that start with "bro" or maybe create words that are intentionally kinda "mispelish" cause I'm back in California baby and thats what we do down here!!! Hey reader bro's these posts are gonna be freekin "mirrorastical!" oh sorry I forgot to explain that one...
 Basically when you see something in life that is really really gorgeous... but.... not quite as amazing as YOU look in a mirror ... that's mirrorastical! In a sentence... "The colors in that sunset with the rainbow behind it were mirrorastical but, as usual, nothing makes them pop like I do!" 

 What else..... I plan to do all sorts of SoCal stuff... like wax a strange part of my body or maybe bleach my hair and then spend the whole afternoon just flipping it outta my face.... that's gonna be awesome...  and you know..... maybe I will even top off this San Diegan sundae by getting a lower back tattoo. This is gonna be too much fun! I gotta go..... and get packing!

Basically all this and much much more coming over the next week.  so...  San Diego... now that the courts will allow will be really good to be back home.. & see you all very soon.. on the beach!
SPF Sexy!
P.S. Amy Winehouse death at 27 just adds to that long list of popular artists, in their day, that died at 27... Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix. Jim Morrison..... which is all very sad..... but the true tragedy....  we have to suffer through 10 more years of Justin Bieber. Typical! Blog ya'll later.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Deathbed Secrets

I dont know if I have ever mentioned this fact to you all before or not? But in case I haven't....... You see I am going to die........... someday! Now I dont know when... I dont know how... Im fairly certain it has to do with being eaten by bears or maybe catching something in a third world prison...or maybe the ever rare spontaneous human combustion.....but whatever.

When its your time.... its your time... Anyways... what I hope for more than anything is that before I pass on to cloud city....  I get a chance to speak with my dearest friends and my loving family members too.... you know while they sit bedside in my hospital room. Cause you know why?..... I've got some things to say to everybody. O.K. Here it is everybody. Ready for it? Today's post is ....

The Top 10 Secrets Im Gonna Reveal On My Deathbed.

10. How much I loved everybody..... no really how much... by ranking them. "Sorry Aunt Doris... I loved you 28th most.... its cause your political Christmas gifts always sucked!"

9. What really happened to the family dog when they all went away for vacation..... Heres a hint. "I swear the car was in park"

8. How much debt they are all about to inherit from my countless creditors...... Don't worry! There's enough for everyone!

7. How many illegitamite children their about to inherit.... and when they can expect little Billy Joe and little Bobby Ray to start coming around "askin fer sum moneys! !

6. The real reason the babysitter stopped wanting to babysit for us. I really miss her. Rumor has it she is doing really well now... going to cosmetics school while raising her twin sons Billy Joe and Bobby Ray also. Im so proud of her.

5. Just what happened to the family cat Fluffy when they all went away for vacation.... and why the chili I brought over for the 4th of July tasted "different".

4. The truth about "The Fire that burned down grandmas house" And what her last words really were.....

3. What to do when Paulie and Guido or Vinnie the Knife come asking about me.... and how to "settle" the situation

2. That I'm not really a doctor... but thanks for paying for seven years of tuition at that fake Hawaiian medical school I got into!!

1. and finally... whats killing me is extremely airborne, deadly and crazy infectious... cough... love ya guys... cough!

That's it. I probably should have included on this list... where I hid the bodies.....but whatever... I will save that for another post...
I gotta get back to the beach... er... Doctoring 301. 
blog ya'll later.... 

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Laziness Post

So lets talk laziness...............   

laziness kinda sucks!

Thanks for reading the laziness post.
Blog ya'll later!

All right.... All right as fitting as that would be for a laziness post....maybe I can do a little better than that. Let me grab an energy drink and lets get after it.

 Well..... you see I am a part-time lazy person. I  don't try to fool myself. I accept the knowledge that I'm just this way from time to time.... I mean look at the amount of .........'s I use writing this blog. That's kinda grammatically lazy isn't it?  Anyways...  at least I acknowledge it. Some people don't.  Like for example.... this guy........He's freekin lazy!

and sadly...  poor Rex never got to play fetch again!
 You see..... he just never saw that semi-truck coming!

or this guy
You can go this route.... or...  try the advanced route.
 Try the TV stand on wheels with a rope tied to it....  

or this guy is lazy
 This just in. Not lazy. Brian's girlfriend had just had enough of him somehow "missing" her calls! 
but whatever I enjoy being a "calorie hoarder" sometimes.... sitting around watching some TV, ordering in delivery Chinese food and maybe some life improving infomercial items like these...
The sock-putter-onner! Genius! Works well. By the way...
From the same makers as the condom caddie.... 
The Ramen cooler.... 

the doggie diaper

All equally fantastic products. 
But .... how does one justify their laziness these days? Well for me...I like to think of all the people my laziness benefits.... the kids at the LazyBoy sweatshops building my next recliner, the future diabetes doctors I will be paying, or all the poor Hollywood people who need our support by renting countless hours of their newest addictive tv show.  I end up feeling more of a hero than a lazy person actually.
For me... shows like

Extreme Danger Cooking With Dynamite
Battlestar Gallactica
Game of Thrones
Breaking Bad
16 and Pregnant For the Third Time

So good..... and fun to watch (though I feel bad for some of those chefs but whatever?).... Oh... I forgot to mention this! I have recently found that certain technologies make me feel better about my lazy viewing habits.... in fact I think these new technologies have cured my TV laziness. How? 

Well now I don't have to just sit on my couch and watch.. 

Now I'm mobile! 

With my cartoons in the shower

or my Star Trek while driving

or catching a bit of the game at the motel down the  road

These new technologies work so amazingly well.... It gets me out of the house. And so now days... after one of my many busy days running from the law... er... getting stuff done around town..... I don't feel so bad unwinding and being lazy ... with loved ones.

but enough about me.... This post is supposed to be about laziness. And that it will be. Here you go everybody...... bad lazy photos. Enjoy

Lazy fire fighting

Lazy begging

Lazy urinal-ing

Lazy bike riding

Lazy subway-ing

Lazy street artist-ing... or maybe this is just really really focused street artist-ing. Really a coin flip either way on this one.

Lazy freezer-ing

Lazy windshield scraping

Lazy mowing

Lazy street line painting

Man I'm starting to feel much better about myself. So much so I might go hit the gym and actually be productive!

But I'm definitely taking the escalator.

Lazy dog walking.... yet again.
 Please please be careful of the land-mines Rex!

alright just a couple more........
Lazy yet brilliant parenting... 

Lazy gaming

and finally lazy yard work.... well for most of em.

Anways I gotta go. Im on a health kick. But more on that next time. Oooh I better grab my iPad. I dont go anywhere without it. Blog ya'll later