Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Worst Business Meeting Ever



So I had a couple "important" meetings this week...
You know the ones where everyone sits at some long table....
And pitches the ideas they came up with last night at the bar....
Now being that I manage a restaurant...


Well I had a couple ideas to pitch!


What a great idea right?
And way better than the napkin ideas I used to write at the bar...


Gotta say...
Never a "successful" backflip!!!


Anyways...
These meetings were pretty important for me..
And I wanted to "make a good impression"...
So I read up on "things you should do" in a meeting...
Including chapters from this book..


...which was unfortunately named?
But whatever...
I did my homework...
And by meeting time... 
Everything was beginning to make sense....


I had learned of the importance of...
 "capturing everyone's complete attention..."


As if they were at a meeting...
... that REALLY mattered to them!


I learned that what you wear...
... "Needs to be professional!"
It needs to "Command attention!"
Huh? 
So I went out and bought...


 The perfect suit...
And a tie I believe...


...you cant help but notice!!


I then read to "Keep the mood light".
Which just made sense...
So I devised a plan to start the meeting....


.....with maybe some "meeting pool?"


And finally... I learned to make sure your "meeting invitation"... 
 clearly explains what the meeting is about...


Like this one from last years Xmas party!!
Which was very effective!
I mean everyone knew Vicky was gonna make some bad decisions!
Right???


Well everything was clicking!!!
I was ready...


Now I feel I must say...
During my research...
I also learned of meetings that didn't go quite as well...
And what "not to do"...


I learned of boring meetings.


And meetings that oddly used....
....the element of surprise???


There were meetings....


that turned ugly....


And "introductory meetings"... 
....that while probably ....had good intentions...


...came across a little forced?...

I read and I read...
I read about meetings than ran too short....




And other meetings that confused people....
Side note- This meeting "extremely disappointed" some of the people attending!!
Sickos!!




And I even learned of meetings that brought unnecessary....
Props??
You know... they still talk unfavorably of having...
 "The Porta Potty meeting" the morning after taco night!!


Man!!
So how was my meeting going be different?
Set itself apart..
Be memorable?
hmm.... I wondered?


Well...
Then it hit me....
I would do something that would guarantee attention...
Something everyone would LOVE.... at a meeting...
And be oh so memorable!!!
I would still pitch....


All my napkin ideas....


But while doing this...
 I would encourage everyone to....


Play Footsie!!!


Yep footsie!!!!
I would tell them all to do it.
Genius!!
How great would that be...
Everyone would be so happy...
And they would most certainly be "alert" in my meeting...


And hey if former president George W. ....


...did it with Fox News?


And late night talk show hosts...


....are into advanced versions of it!!!


And even Star Trek.....


.... supports it!!!
(live long and footsie)


How could it not work?
Right?


And I tell you what....
 It DID work!!!!


Everybody was soooo into it!!!


Lisa was playing footsie with Tim.
Rick was playing footsie with Claudine..
Ben was double footsy-ing with Brian and Shaniqua..
And Douglas... well he was playing footsie with a table leg???
But he didnt know that.... so he was happy!!!!


It was working!!
My meeting was a hit!!!


That is...
 Until...
.... "The accidents" started happened...


You see Kimmy from accounting....


Wore these shoes...
Unfortunately!!!


And Rhonda from I.T. wore....


These "bloody nightmares"...
"Dear god.. why do you women wear these!!!"...
....Bruce from the safety department... cried out loud!!


And so.... as you can imagine...
people started...


....dropping like flies!!!


And it turned ugly!!!


Now.... 
I'm not legally allowed to speak any further about this...
Thankfully!
So.... lets wrap this post up...
Shall we?


You see if we fast forward to after...
 "the darkest hour for business meetings ever"...
And we look back at my meeting.....
There was one good thing that came from it all...


 I actually did produce some "change" at my work..
Seriously!!!


It forced my work to buy....


"Footsie-proof" tables!!
Damn it!!
Oh well...
I guess I should be proud!
And on that note.... fellow business people everywhere!!


Blog ya'll later.

20 comments:

  1. design a book steve...
    design a book!

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  2. Ha!

    I really like that urine test one. There's really a meeting about that?!

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  3. Yeah, why aren't you producing a book? I'd buy it.

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  4. LMAO at the element of surprise and a book should be done, be quite fun.

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  5. Haha.... ! This was a really funny one! You're a genius lol..

    (this is Bozo - I had to change my name.)

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  6. Okay I was going to say the light up suit was the best ever, and then I saw the suit at the end. Don't make me choose.

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  7. ok I will send you a free first edition!
    send me one of yours!

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  8. you really should do a book...

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  9. I have done a book G Two as a matter of fact lol Steve i can always count on a good laugh every time I come over here. You may just be my new hero. Just sayin

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  10. I gotta chime in about that tie, as well, but the whole thing was a total romp. Loved this.

    Pearl

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  11. My first thought: "Dude..." My 2nd SO glad I'm no longer in cubicle hell & a Powerpoint Ranger (chairborne, all the way.) Awesomeness here. V

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  12. Those shoes made me think of Pinhead from Hellraiser! No footsie, thanks!

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  13. I could make so many comments on so many of these photos... but i'll settle for the suit. I mean, whoever invented that shit needs a gold medal or something!

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  14. Great pics but meetings about meetings give me the right arseache blues, good as always Steve!

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  15. That butt invitation would be perfect if it could emit a fart that sounded like a party horn. I'm sure you are aware that real farts can sound like that.

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  16. As a guy with no body hair whatsoever, I need that tie. Something to tell the ladies, hey, I'm still a man. I hit puberty.

    Also, as everyone else here said... do a book. Really.

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  17. Footsie huh? That's one way to get a meeting off on the "right foot"! Stupid pun, I know!

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  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  19. I need that tie when I get married, Steve! Never knew W was a footsie kind of guy.

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