Post #107: The How I die tombstones are back.

So I have the ability to forsee my own death! Blessing and a curse. And when these visions hit me I quickly write them down. Odd how they always rhyme but..... whatever. So I am going to include a couple old ones below and then a new one. Enjoy and tell everybody I love em!

Tombstone #1
Here lies Steve Bailey
Who knew this day would come
Understood the leprosy he could no longer outrun
The funeral will be cheaper, the mortician did say
There'll be less and less to bury each and every day

Tombstone #2
Here lies a man who lived a wild life
Survived by the bed bugs that slept by his side
He wrote lyrics, loved sports, tried to see the world funny
But fell in the cage of a hungry zoo monkey

Tombstone #3
Poor sailor Bailey he's gone lost at sea
the sharks may have got him or hes sunk to the bottom
But to die in a speedo
Your never forgotten

Post #105: A letter to the terrorists!

So this an open letter to the potential bombers that targeted the tree lighting ceremony downtown the other day, November 26, 2010........ um....... were u attempting to "make a statement" by taking out Portland's army of street musicians, homeless, pan handlers, food carts, and hippies? If so... you wont succeed! I am sending out a red alert to all second hand clothing stores, falafel stands, soup kitchens and head shops! We stand ready Al Qaeda! We stand ready!!!

Post #104: The Belated Thanksgiving Post

So...the Thanksgiving Post...huh...what to say...

Well, it's true I have much to be Thankful for.  From Turkey Day to Turkey Day this has been a wild year.  I have had some love, and lost some love, even some restraining orders lifted.  I've grown closer to the family, with the help of the computer (I'm not just the relative people talk about while shaking their heads anymore people...now they can type it.  Thanks Facebook!)

I am thankful for great friends...and how many new friends I've made this year.  Also, how little they know about my past...

I'm thankful for my Blazers, who alone help to put food on the tables of so many....doctors and surgeons...

 I'm also thankful for everything I've learned this year...

Also, I am thankful for this past wedding season...great memories, ladies...

I have great thanks for the Mayans, as without their calendar, I couldn't live my life like there's only 13 months left...and we all know how it's going to end...thanks Justin...

Basically, I'm thankful for people who "get the joke," and realize when I kid about being a peeping Tom, or unknowingly dating a man, I'm just kidding....I think...

And thanks to a world that lets me post this picture, Portland...

Post #103: Concert Review #1

So.... I went and saw Jason Bonham's Led Zeppelin's Experience tonight.... I know I know its basically a cover band... yet the drummer is kinda good/ John Bonhams son/ and has played with Zeppelin before...... How was it?  Really really freekin good. It was. However they kept who was playing with him a secret!....until the show....  ooh the anticipation. Well......

 I created a new Iphone app tonight! Its called the Old Musician Recognition App!. You point and click on said musician and it scans the web and then tells you ..." this bass player played in the 80's band Cryptic Lipstick" or you might recognize this fill in keyboardist from Eastridge High Schools Marching Band 1992" avaiable now on itunes....
Anyways lets rate the show... I give it a 8 outta 10. It deserves it. I would totally see it again. The singer was spot on and The Jimmy Page clone straight ripped! Highlights included Kashmir, Ramble On and When the Levy Breaks for certain. I totally got lost in the music. To be fair I am ADD and frequently get lost in the frozen foods aisle but whatever...
Lowlights if I had to choose would be maybe Whole Lotta Love and Stairway. Whole Lotta Love followed Kasmir which killed.... and Stairway.... well is it sacrilegious for me to say I kinda didn't want to hear it. Don't get me wrong great classic song but do you want to see someone other than John Lennon sing Imagine or someone other than Will Ferrel be Ron Burgundy.
Probably not.........But Damn! Those songs reminded me that they really were probably the best pure rock band ever!

Post #102: Revisiting post # 85 the Thanksgiving Toast

So.... I am working on a Thanksgiving "ish" post but its not quite ready yet....... and we will see if that happens tonight or if all the food will find me napping on the couch...... anyways I thought it was fitting to repost # 85


#85 Decided to rehearse my upcoming thanksgiving toast. Its my turn this year.... So tell me what you think.

"Table looks great ma! Food smells great... and Dad you are like a jedi with that turkey carver! (pause for laughter) There's a couple things I am so thankful for.... Friends, good health, great parents, we are putting you in a home, the upcoming holidays, good food, laughter, movers come tomorrow, nice weather, forgiveness and love. just so much to be thankful for. Lets eat!!"

Oh Ya Happy Turkey Day!

Post #101

So I've been asked:

Why?...
Just why, Steve?...
What are you going to put on here?...
And when, for the love of ALL that is holy, will this end? (thanks Ma)...
Is this blog about payback, or is it some crazy reality show audition?...
Is it some weird take on one of the twelve steps?...
And if you knew what your 100th post was to be for quite a while, why wouldn't you mix in a salad, or hit the gym?...
Hmm...all good questions...
I don't think even my guidance counselor in high school saw this coming...and she was SO right about everything...

Well, the truth takes us back...way back...cue the Sarah McLachlin (...In the arms of the angels, far away from here.....)

Alright, so I was twelve, and Dad was always away, working at the mine, digging for that oh-so-rare #2 pencil lead.  And Ma, she did her best to raise all 18 of us.  There were no TV shows celebrating that kind of poor contraception then.  As you can imagine, times were tough.  I, being the oldest, had to help raise my siblings.  One afternoon, after school, I came upon a rare shop owner who gave me a small, furry pet.  He warned me not to feed it after midnight, because if you do, then...

 

Wait, wait, I got sidetracked..................let's backtrack a bit...

Cue the Barbara Streisand (...You don't bring me flowers...)
So, one summer I ran into this group of bullies.  They called themselves the Cobra Kai.  I learned the art of Karate to defend myself...and...

Wait, wait, wait...man!  Let's try again...

Cue the Celine Dion (...My heart will go on...)
This one time I ruled this world full of mazes, and creepy puppets, and I was all-powerful, and...

Wait, wait, wait...wait!!!  What exactly happened isn't important...the point is it was a sadder time, and there was no time for laughter.  Even if I did cry, my tears would freeze on the long, cold walk to school.  So now, I'm making up for that, and things have gotten better, too.
Don't even get me started about the time I was hunted through the jungle by this creature...

Or sucked into a computer...

Or about the time, at the Oregon Coast, that these kids took me through some underground tunnels in search of a pirate ship, and treasure (it was OUR time down there...)...

Stories for another day...Oh yeah, and I met someone...but more on that later...

Post #100

For my final post, I thought I would show you where the last 100 days have taken me...It's been a fun ride...

Looking back, a little more sun in Egypt would have been nice...Anyways, 100 Posts in 100 Days complete.  Next challenge...learn how to blog...accepted??