What I want more than anything for Christmas is .........an enemy!!!!! Now bear with me. A lot of you are probably typing right now and offering your services......however I need more pure venom than my readers can offer. I need a true evil enemy....a really bad horrinle enemy..... Lets say he or she has the looks of a Carrot Top with a touch of Roseanne, the morals of a Charlie Sheen/Lindsey Lohan, the mouth of a Mel Gibson, the class of a Steve-O/Britney Spears, the temper of a Danny Bonaduce or a really hungry Oprah.........This would be great. My enemy could start a blog site and we could go back and forth writing mean things about each other. And I have to admit. I am clever. I couldn't be topped. This would be so much fun. Possible posts would include
Why my enemy sucks?
Evil people in history my enemy reminds me of..
Things I did with my enemy's mom ( a picture post)
My enemy's personal information ( things like phone #, address and social security #)
Types of diseases my enemy reminds the world of
Simple concepts my enemy cant grasp
And then I would laugh and laugh and my readers would laugh and laugh......
It would be so so readable... and funny........Now I know it wouldn't always be great... My enemy would probably get in a good shot or two.. My enemy could easily post things such as....
People who are embarrassed of Steve's post
Why Steve's exes cheated
How not even Identity thieves want Steve's Information
Uses for Steve's third nipple...
Did you know Steve was born a girl?
How I'm going to tazer Steve and then pull out his fingernails one by one... and then set fire to his house.... and then send naked photos of Steve I took while he was tazered out across the web to everyone he knows..... and then....then I'm gonna burn him and I'm gonna laugh and laugh and laugh..........o ya and then I'm gonna beat him with the laptop he uses to write his crappy blog..... and then have a sandwich....
Um .......ya.......now thinking of it....this might totally suck...the sandwich sounds good but not the rest.... It would probably end up in one final last post from me that went something like this.....
Why I'm shutting down my blog....... and moving.....
Really bad idea. To be fair I did say that I wanted the worst of the worst. a pure evil enemy..... maybe what I really should want for Christmas is a helpless enemy... Ya that's perfect..... all I want for Christmas this year is a completely cowardly very well adjusted not as clever as me enemy... It would make great reading.....
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