#9 of 14 The Wedding Proposal Post

Here we are at #9
A post voted 9th best by narcolepticbloggers.com!


Which by the way..... has the most frustrating posts. 
You see their writing always starts off interesting but quickly ends up looking like....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


Man I swear they just fall asleep on their keyboards every time!!!


Anyways here ya go...


The Wedding Proposal Post


Alright everybody... every once in a while I feel the need to stop and do something specifically for the ladies here on this blog. 
If you remember back we did the..... 

 Creative Ways To Give Your Lady Flowers Post. 

And if you remember back further we did the....

 Its O.K. For Men To Cry Post.....
Which I kinda regret...
I just felt like it got a little weird? 

Oh ya remember the Kleenex?

The man Kleenex? 
What does that even mean anyway? 
Is it bacon and bourbon scented or something? 

We then did the...
 Best Ways To Help Your Daughter Into Womanhood Post.....


and I for one was surprised....

.... how well a lower back tattoo can help to....

 "Increase adult behavior" in our nations young ladies?

And finally we did that oddly helpful...
  How To Increase Your Cup Size Post. 
I think we were all really surprised by some of those findings!

I mean who would have thought Classical music???

Anyways for today's lady-esque post ... 
I thought I would do something that every lady dreams of happening to them 1.65 times during their lives.... 


And here it is. 
I proudly present?
The Best and Worst Proposals I Could Find on the Internet!!!!
Enjoy.......


Now first off lets start with a classic proposal.......
Decorating a bedroom with rose petals.

Ah!!! So romantic.... even misspelled!!!! 
 "I AXSEPT" she enthoosiastikley eksclamed!!

But why stop with just rose petals in the bedroom?
Why not cover the entire road leading up to your motel room....

Like these "hard core rose murderers" decided to do!!

But whatever...
Obviously there are the "classic proposals"..... 
....like the rose petals...


 Or at a restaurant...


 Or at the beach...


 Or proposing at someone else's wedding.... 
which everyone loves...

Well..... nearly everyone likes that!

But this post isn't about the normal proposals .... 
its about the more "unique proposals".

Like on the Jumbo-tron... 
The best place ever to share your most heart crushing rejections ... 

Or on a billboard.....

Which is coincidentally also a great way to "come out" too!

Or one of my favorite proposals....

The prison proposal......  
Always so conjugal ... er... romantic!

And man who doesn't love a good prison wedding.....
Right?

They always have the best cake!!

What else?
Oh ya....

There are carved pumpkin proposals.....

And underwater ones..

There's proposing while skydiving.....
 But don't bring the ring with you during the free fall....
Eddie at the landing area recalled the lost ring as more of a "falling bullet"!

And speaking of a "proposal from way up high"... 
Why not try making a big sign on the ground.... 
Like these guys did...

In a field....

Or on a building.... on Google maps.....

Or the absolute rarest of all time......

IN a video game??? 
Come on gamers!!!
Your not fooling anyone!!!

There's just so many.... but let me leave you all with a few of my personal favorites.....

There's the pizza delivery proposal.... 
Which is just plain crazy delicious!!!!

And the log ride proposal.... 

or the find a girl...
Find a dolphin...
Date a girl...
Train a dolphin...
Get the girl to fall in love with you even though you spend all your time training stupid dolphins..
And then propose using said freekin dolphin.... proposal!
Exhausting!!

Keeping with the animal theme....

There's "the furry" proposal.....

Or maybe you want to remember that moment for forever....

Why not try the tattoo proposal? .......like this guy...
Which sadly is the only thing this guy gets to remember from his first marriage.... 

And that's it........... 


Well..... 
Except for this .... 
After much research on the topic.....  
There was one proposal I found that you should try to avoid.....


 "The hiding a ring in something at a restaurant proposal"

Why?
 Cause no girl likes to have to wait.....

To put it on......

blog ya'll later!

#10 The Kim Jong Il Roast

We arrive at #10 of my personal favorite posts. 
And this one.... well... this was a kind of obituary/roast really. 


Its the way he would have wanted it.... I like to think.
 "A fitting tribute to a powerful ass... er.. man." I like to call it.
Anyways here ya go....


We break from the planned Christmas post today for BREAKING NEWS. 


North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il has passed away at the age of  "Stupid Old". 
Which only continues the bad couple of years for world dictators everywhere. 

 "It is quite a blow to our upcoming World Dictator Summit" the increasingly nervous Iranian dictator and Terrorism 3D  aficionado Mamhoud Ahmadinejad said.




 "Im not sure we will be able to field a full camel polo match this year." he went on to say...

Now you see Kim Jong's death comes at a time when he was making huge strides to modernize North Korea sources tell the blog. 


And really put North Korea in the forefront of modern technology...


 And according to recent satellite imagery....

They could seriously use it!!!!

This also comes at a time when he finally had perfected his army...

Of girly high kickers?

Whatever... 
You see in all seriousness....
 He died of a massive heart attack on a train! 
Which if you have ever seen any of the trains in that region of the world...

It just kinda makes sense!

Anyways..... 
He will be remembered as a....
"Dictator who always loved a good train ride"
Why?


Cause he had so much fun with trains. 
"They could make him just light up"....
.... One of his "paid friends" would often say.


Like this sign he put up at a nearby train station..... 
....for his more American tourists!!

What a joker!!!

But let me leave you all with this today.


After much research we have uncovered a photo of the ACTUAL TRAIN that caused his heart to BURST through his chest.... 


And after "exhaustive" review of it we here at this blog... 
We totally understand why. 
Which one was it?

This one!
Man he never stood a chance!

Rest in Hell Kim Jong Il
and blog ya'll later

#11 of 14.... Readers allow me to date you!

As we continue my list of favorite "therapy inspiring" posts...
Here's my #11 favorite. 
A post where you and I date?
Sound weird?
Well I guess it kinda is?
Anyways here ya go....


The If I Could Date My Readers Post


Welcome back to the blog everybody...
For todays post.... 
Lets all slip into something a little more comfortable...shall we?

Um...
Maybe not quite THAT comfortable readers!!!

Anyways...
 Lets dim some lights and put on some mood music.... 
Cause its about to get all "romantical" up in here. 


Now.... I feel like I must say...
 I more than just appreciate my readers here. 
In fact I feel a much deeper (and more physical) connection to you all. 




And since its impossible to date all of you.... wherever you are...
 I thought I could walk you through how our date would go...
....if we could date..... 
Right here..... 
Right now!
 Ready?
O.k.


 First let me splash on some of my.....

Khloe and Lamar unisex perfume???
Which is designed to attract only the HAIRIEST reality show Bigfoots.... 

Seriously..... 
Like the last time I splashed on some of that stanky cologne....
I met this fine lady who goes by the name of.....

Sarah the Yeti!!!

Yikes!!
Lets just scroll down past that shall we!!












Keep going....










O.K.
Were safe...
Back to the date...


Now for the sake of this post...
Lets say you agreed to lift the restraining order and let me date you.
Well.... then...


First off I would come over to pick you up in.....

My Star Wars car...

Man would you be so impressed!!!


And I would bring you gifts.
But I wouldn't bring flowers to your door...
No way!!
I'm more of a "bring chocolates" kinda guy...
But I bring em....

My kinda way!!!

Anyways.... after I cleaned myself up...
 And probably some chocolate off your front porch...
We would go to dinner!

Now we wouldn't go to a restaurant!!
No I'm more of a picnic kinda guy...


And I specialize in "creative picnic dates"..
For example... if you are someone who loves the water...

Well I set up a special picnic table just for us!!!

Or maybe you are more an "inner city" person....

Well that ones just easy!!!

Or once.... I dated this super smart person...
Which had me stumped for a bit....

Until I figured out the perfect table!!!

But always my favorite...
Is dating one of those danger seekers...
A true adrenaline junkie!!!
Well just wait till you go on my....

Pyramid Picnic Date!!!!

Impressed yet??
If not you will be..
Cause next we will sit at our table and have a nice meal...

Probably this Yoda Lunchables I typically pack!

And the sparks would fly!!!!
Now before you knew it...
 We would be  "connecting"!
That's when I would make my move!

You would so love it!!!

Or...
 If your lucky...
Really lucky!
I might pull out my "home-run move"!!!!

The "ALL the toes suck!!"

Feeling it?
I know!
Now from here Im unsure how our date would go...
I guess it could go a number of different ways...


But allow me to offer up what I WOULD LIKE TO SEE happen...


First off we would become passionate...
Really passionate!
And hopefully..... before you even knew it...
I would do....
My other "signature move"....
The "Let me slip out of these clothes fast" move...

Side note daters- That's why you always bring your break away pants!!!!

And we would find each other irresistible...
Crazy sexy staring into each others eyes!!!


Even I would begin to wonder why....
Why.... have I never been this into anyone before...




And then it would happen...
It would become soooo clear!!!!!


You see sitting there naked next to you...
 In all my hairy glory.....
Sharing an almost "uncomfortably musky" attraction....

I would realize YOU were wearing that stanky Khloe and Lamar unisex cologne too....
And it had attracted ME!!!!!

But wait.... does that mean I'm a hairy Bigfoot too???
Man!!!
Oh well...
I guess.....
We were just meant for each other!!!!


And that's it...
It would be a really great date.... the way I envision it...


But... if you still arent totally sold...
Allow me to share with you a couple reviews of some of my past dates..


Cindy from San Diego said.....

"I basicaslly just threw up in my mouth...
 over and over for 3 hours!"

And Carly from Dallas said....

"I have never wanted to punch a persons face more!!!"

And Bridgette from "she wouldn't tell me where" said....

"Extremely painful... 
Our stupid picnic table pyramid collapsed. 
It was a nightmare!!! Who does that!!! "

And finally... Helga from here in Portland said....

 "I cant wait for next time!" and
"It was magic!!"

Uh........ 
Well I guess some mixed reviews? 
But whatever..... until next time...... 
Date ya'll... er... 
Blog ya'll later!