The Dog Post

So my girlfriend wants to get a dog!!!


Yep....
She wants one of those furry little monsters!!!
I know right???
What the hell???
Well its as she put it.....
 "I need SOMEONE in this house to actually listen to me!!!" 
"Huh?" I responded...


Anyways...
Why a dog I thought??
Am I not mess enough?


I can only imagine she wants someone she can finally dress up in girly ways???....

Ughh!

Or maybe someone to share beauty products with.....

Though.... personally I think hooker red...
 only serves to cheapen a proud Schnauzer... 

Well...... Whatever...
I'm not sold!!!
You see... I see being a dog owner differently...
I see it as more of a...

Potential problem.....

And a huge freekin commitment!!!!

I mean.... do you have a long enough leash?

And what about exercising it?

Do you have the proper room for it to run?

and run.... 
and run....
and run....
and run....
...till you get home?

I dont know?

There's just SO much that goes into owning a dog these days.....

Like how often should I take my "fluffy little foot-rest" to doggy therapy? 
I really have no idea!!!

Do I know of a good vet???

Or I guess..... Parts store?

And do I have enough extra money to put in...

A dog-lift?
Seriously???

Oh and these days you also have to "socialize your dog" apparently?

Give it some friends!

Well..... do I have enough time to make friends for my dog?

On line!!!!


(side note- Fredrick here "likes" this post!!!)

Now.... even if Im o.k. with doing all that stuff....

Is my place even "safe" for that little mutt to live in?

 This lady thought hers was.....

But she was wrong!

(sigh)

Ugh...

Well then I thought...

I haven't even thought about "what kind of dog to get?"

Cause some of these suckers got energy to spare....

Im probably better off with a more.....

Relaxed breed...

Oh this is exhausting just thinking about....

I cant even imagine how tiring it would be owning one....

This lady knows EXACTLY how tiring!!!

Well I needed some time to think...

Some time away....

So I went to go play a game of "Workplace Milk-Crate Tetris"!

Which always helps to clear my mind!!!

And it hit me!!!!

Im looking at this all wrong!!

Maybe a dog would benefit me!!!

But in ways I never imagined?

Cause there must be a reason everyone loves dogs!!!

Its cause "Dogs LOVE Everybody!!!"

They do...

And apparently... most other animals even love dogs too!!

Like surprisingly DOLPHINS do??

Who knew... right??

Well they do.....

And that could only help with my dolphin fishing!!!

(side note- only one "curious" dolphin harmed in the making of this post)

The more I thought about it....

It could be great... 

I could hang out with my other "pet crazy friends"!

Ya... I could let my little rascal play with THEIR house pets...

Their birds.... 

and their cats... 

and their snakes....

Which might be regrettable???
But whatever!

Theirs just so much a good dog could do for me...

Like cheer me on....

when I most need it.....

And offer me encouragement....

Afterwards!!!

They could bring me things....

Which would be delicious!

And when I would take em on walks I could....

Load that sucker up.....

They could make me laugh when Im feeling down!

Oh "Mr. Peeper" your such a prankster!!

And they could make me laugh when THEY are feeling down....

He would always know just what to do!!!

Ahhh. Its sounding better and better....

Well its too early to say if we will be getting a dog at this point...
But its a definite maybe for me...


And if it ends up true what everyone says...
 " A dog is mans best friend"
Well Im on the lookout for one that could fill that description...

And I will letcha all know if I find him!!

And on a surprisingly positive and "cute" note???
Which I think is a blog first?
I better go drink some battery acid or something before next time...
Ah whatever...
Blog ya'll later

Strange tips for Next Easter

Welcome back everybody....
I trust everyone had a wonderful Easter...
I know... I know....
What a wonderful holiday..... right?

A special favorite of creepy uncles everywhere?

Well what I wanted to share with you all today is this....
You see here at this blog....
We know the holidays can be hard on people....
Especially Easter...
With all that pressure involved in hiding Easter eggs well...
Its a lot to handle...
And sadly....
It seems every year someone can't handle it....

And they kinda half-ass their Easter bunny outfit....

Or far worse..... they don't even try on the Easter egg hunt!!

And just roll a bunch of eggs out on hard flooring???
Come on soccer moms...
 That's not even trying!!

Well.... before you get all upset....
And you feel all depressed about your Easter efforts...

And you plan to get all "gesturely vocal"... next year!

Its going to be o.k.
I am here to help...
I certainly don't want you all to get crazy mad at this bunny inspired holiday next year...

And maybe do something you might regret...
...but towards all bunny's!!!

Just sit back...
Yep sit back...
And....
 Relax.....

Maybe take yourself a Peeps inspired bath???

Cause I have a helpful Easter inspired post for ya...
That is guaranteed to help....  next year!!


Cause....I was lazy and didn't get this post out yesterday??
I blame the candy and bourbon-coma!!!
But whatever...


Anyways...
Here it is.....






Top 10 places NOT to hide Easter eggs
 (I guess next year?)

#10 First off don't hide eggs next year in...... 

The Garbage Disposal...

Makes sense!!
...... especially when the rooms all dark and you're flipping on light switches !

#9 Also don't hide eggs in ANY Toilet.....

I mean come on thats obvious. Bidets, urinals, or holes in the ground (for my Arkansas readers) they count as well.
Just don't ....

#8 Near the Pool.....

Cause sources tell me.... "that things bout to blow!!!"

#7 Near the backyard bed??? 
        What?

Ya the backyard bed!!!
That place is only for romancin with tha critters!!!!
 

#6 Don't hide eggs in the shed out back....

You know.... the one with the hornets nest.... 

  Unless of course your kids "bin bad this year!" 

 Then totally o.k.!!!

#5 No eggs near that one neighbors house....

He just likes to watch the hunt way too much!!!

#4 Near the tree with the poison oak...

.....and all the spiders..... and the snake holes.....
 and its on fire..... and somehow it has learned how to shoot guns ....and its ill tempered.
Wait... wait.. this one just jumped the shark ....
 totally disregard!

#3 In the pile of all the old Easter eggs....

That are rotting from all the previous Easters .... 

...This one is more "hoarder specific!"

#2 Don't hide eggs literally "inside the dog"....

 (come on people he ate it .... I would never.. )

And lastly...
Sickos...
Dont ever...
Never....
Hide eggs...


#1.... In your pants....

 Cause your not foolin anybody!!!

(Though there is one good thing to this hiding spot.)

You wont EVER be asked to hide the family's easter eggs again.

Anyways a belated happy Easter to you all...
And blog ya'll later...