Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The What I Noticed While Staying 50 Feet Away From My Ex Post?

I am currently working on a post all about "dreams"....
It should be ready in a couple days......
But until then I dug this post up for you all.... its actually one of my parole officers favorites?
So.... I guess Im headed back off to bed..... for you know more dream research!
Man my girlfriend HATES The Dream Post!!!
Anyways........ enjoy.....

" The what I noticed while staying 
exactly 50 feet 
away from my ex all day post!"

1. Here we go..... first off....  she still looks good.... Even after not seeing her for say 7 to 10 years!

2. And I noticed ....she was much harder to locate...
 Apparently she's not in the phone book anymore.... and moved in to an unlisted house in a totally different state! Weird?

3. And then I noticed... shes also changed her looks dramatically... and wears a wig these days? Huh?  

(sidenote- It was nice to see though, that her underwear drawer 
was very much the same)

4. Anyways.... these days she likes to start her day off running... and then she goes to a karate class... and from what I could tell...  she is actually really good. She must be a black belt. Good for her.

5. And apparently after working up a karate size appetite she likes to grab some lunch. Today she ordered up a caesar salad and half a turkey sandwich to eat at this local diner... it looked tasty!

6. Now personally my lunch was tasty as well (from my table 50 feet away) but a little heavy on the caesar dressing!

7. Here's the weird thing.... mid-way through lunch.... she abruptly left after noticing something from behind me.... I wonder what it was?

8. And then when she left the restaurant she decided to go running again.... What a work-out nut!!!  She ended up at her light grey hatchback license plate 345TU5R.... and went for a drive. 

9. As I followed her in my car (from 50 feet away) I noticed she has become a really terrible driver. She was swerving like hell. Darting in and out of cars. She even raced in front of a train!!! It was almost as if she was trying to get away from something. Weird?

10. And then out of nowhere she slowed down her driving... parked..... and she went in to this store "Ray-Ray's No-Wait Handgun Supply Store".....  apparently she was going gun shopping. Surprising? I wouldn't have taken her for a hunter? huh?

bonus fact- I found a couple of her hairs in her car... on her drivers seat headrest when she was in the store.... and added them to my collection! Yay!

11. Anyways... as she left the store.....  she started walking my way? She didn't seem mad that I was in her car at all. She was actually waving at me and smiling!!! I knew it....she missed me!

12. And then she decided to show me her new karate moves!

13. Karate kicks

14. Karate punches

15. More karate kicks

16. Even a karate headbutt.... which I didn't know was a karate move? huh? Anyways....

Bonus fact......karate hurts!!

17. And then she showed me her taser!

18. and.......being tasered also hurts!

19. AND THEN.....  I woke up in a forest...... Apparently she had brought me there because she needed help digging a big ditch.... all the while practicing more karate on me. She must have a tournament coming up... I can so tell she loves me!!!!

20. And finally she asked me to type THIS list on the computer. Of all the stuff I have done today.... and if I think I will ever leave her alone... which just so you know...... "I definitely would never!!!" 

...... And that's it....... I guess I have to go everybody....... she is headed my way and apparently wants to show me her shiny new handgu.......

The end?
Blog ya'll later!


  1. It's nice of you to help your ex practice her karate moves! Most of my ex's would complain if I tried to practice with them.

  2. I think it would have been cooler to end the post there. We might have believed for half a second.

  3. Very funny! And I did believe you, for longer than I'd care to admit.

  4. that's why handcuffs and mouth gags should be used whenever EX's are involved.

  5. A woman that leggy shouldn't need a gun. One long kick into the groin should settle any arguments. Why can't she stand and fight like man instead of running away?

  6. Aren't you just the stalker, no wonder your parole officer liked it, makes their job easier..haha but your ex has lots of skills, I can see why you don't want to let her go.

  7. Hey, if she has no further use for the gun do you think she might .... lend it to me?? Just asking ... ;)

  8. She must still love you if she is letting you help her train for the karate tournament!

    Did you carry a tape measure to make sure you stayed exactly 50ft away from her? Cause that would be hard to do...judging distance can be tricky!

  9. I think this is the follow-up to the Police song "Every Breath You Take".
    And "karate hurts" is sounds advice.

  10. Sometimes women are just oblivious to how much we love them, am I right? Here's hoping you're able to Kill Bill your way out of that pine box in the ground.

  11. You must have a very good smart phone, Steve. I mean, posting all of this while you've just been buried by your lovely ex.... Send me the exact location and I'll get my shovel, buddy!
    P.S. We need your vote.

  12. I loved the bonus note of Karate hurting! At least you gave her license plate number so we can report it to the police when you don't show up to blog in the next week!

  13. Stop stalking your ex, Steve! We've got free drinks and a private beach! COME AND JOIN THE F-U-U-U-U-U-U-N!

  14. Good post...your ability to coordinate and combine colors, photos, and texts far exceeds my skills. My most text based posts are bland by comparison.