The Falling Post

So the thing about writing a comedy-ish blog thats hard is sometimes.... you dont feel funny. I dont know... maybe you got in a fight with your lady and you couldnt resolve it before conjugal visitation time was up.... or maybe you lost all your money on a bad investment. Damn you Trojan Minis... I thought they would totally sell!!! 


Whatever... its just sometimes you feel kinda sad. So what I like to do. After a good long mancry and a hot manbath (wait that sounds really wrong...disregard) .... is curl up on the couch with a hot beverage, open up my computer.... and watch people trip and fall... over and over. The worse the better. And boy do I laugh. Its that simple. It always cheers me up. That said here you go. The worst falls I could find on the internet.

Here we go.... remember if this happens to you... throw the chainsaw AWAY from the person holding the ladder below you!!

One of millions of different skater falls. Keeping doctors and parking lot cops busy since 1950 .

Now there's this one I call the pageant fall...But what if falling was her skill for the talent portion?

 

And then this. You know... this is so starting to improve my mood. Best skating trick ever!!!

Ouch!! Now don't worry...  the horse will be fine..... but the jockey... well he's about to get even smaller.

Just a thought but at the right speed couldn't you literally fall forever on an escalator?

Sadly for Brian that would be the only time on prom night her legs would be like that..

Are any of you feeling better like I am? If not......well... either you suffer from an inner ear infection or vertigo and don't find falling funny... or..... maybe these next few are more your speed... sickos

ooooooh!! This guys day is worse than yours!!

And this guys day is worse. He didn't just fall. He hung there exposed for 15 minutes apparently. Then he fell.

But lets get back to pure falling....shall we. This one would suck.

Portland bikers!!!

And this is special. The very rare.... fall from an ostrich. Priceless!

The Model fall..... poor girl was so upset after this she couldn't bring herself to eat for a week.

The housing prices fall. Wait! I dont know how that got on here.... That's not making any homeowners feel better. I apologize. Totally disregard.

Wedding falls... always classics... right my single, desperate, and tipsy friend who came to the wedding alone?

Ah!!! Nightmare!! That is gonna leave a tread!

Bikini contest fall... Insert top heavy joke here.

And then this one. This ones for my brother... who is a Jimmy Buffett fan. Here's Jimmy falling off the stage. One too many margaritas.

Anyways I gotta go. Im feeling great now! Let me leave you with one more photo.... and if this doesn't cheer you up well nothing will. Blog ya'll later

This ones more about the landing...in the fryer!!!! Yikes! This actually happened to someone in my company. And it's like I told him after it happened... you taste delicious!

an updating of the top 10 people not to date post

I thought I would repost this for a friend of mine who is back out in the dating world after quite some time. And we all know...the dating scene has changed. You need to be a bit more careful these days. In fact... I recommend never leaving the house on any date without a taser and a bonesaw.... and then there's the whole on-line dating. A service that lets you pick who you want to date by checking boxes of what you want in a mate......and whammo the dating supercomputer spits out who you are compatible with? Genius!!! 

But may I suggest a few more characteristics to check.... the actually important ones.... like .... does he snore, does she cry after sex...or I guess him as well, is he gassy, is her laugh obnoxious,  would he kick my dog.  Stuff like that. I think that would be way more helpful. Anyways here's the top 10 people not to date post....

10. Anyone with a lock on the outside of their bedroom door..... doubly if their room is soundproof!!! 

 

9. Don't date a Senator with multiple attractive interns. Doesn't last.. & you may get "revealing" text messages.

  

8. Gertrude "yeasty" Anderson....just trust me on this one

 

7. Anyone who works at the center for infectious disease...Nobody likes to date someone who brings their work home with them.........

6.A Mormon salesperson "always on the road"...can you say you are wife number 4? On the plus side... you always have plenty of "you" time

5.Don't date the bad guys "lady" from any Bond movie.... she's just not gonna be around through the explosive finally....she will die looking good though...  painted in gold or oil.......

4. Dr Kevorkian...this one is specific to my older readers who are back out dating again (this was written before he died... so especially now!! R.I.P. Dr. Kevorkian.... he was so loved and survived by all his family.... that stayed very far away from him.

3.Any middle eastern dictator or terrorist  ...cause your time is running out suckas.....  this was also written before we got Bin Laden.... I guess its like my mom says."Being in your blog feels like a death sentence!

2.Don't date your relatives..... clearly....remember Arkansas its gotta be at least second cousins...even then ew!!...whatever just check the family tree before you ask her to the tractor pull....

1. And lastly that convict you have been seeing.....seriously just keep it conjugal!!






So good luck dating my friend. I hope this helps. Blog ya'll later.