The Fall of Santa Claus Post

So it's time for the Santa post. 
Now....obviously we all know his story.... the North Pole.... the reindeer...... the sleigh .... the type 2 diabetes.... We all get it. 


A man so beloved.... by almost everyone.....
But also a man ....."crazy terrifying"... to a few.

For example- these two terrified little bedwetters. 
And pay special attention to Jimmy on the left. Cause he's gonna grow up... have issues.. and factor into our story later. 
Moving on...

Now for me.... I have always loved Santa. 
And not just cause of the years he brought me presents..... 
But for the years he couldn't make it too....
Cause he never failed to send me a postcard on Christmas....
And...... you know what....

I totally understood.... 
Cause Santa was always off doing something so cool!!!

Or amazing. 

Or kinda unexpected?

You know in hindsight... the presents would have been nice too..... 

But whatever. Lets get back to our story. Remember sad little bedwetting Jimmy from the Santas lap picture above..... Well he grew up.... (developed poor fashion sense)..... and  hated Santa!!!!




You see he wanted to make Santa pay for scaring him when he was a kid!!!!






So he up and kidnapped Santa.....  

Yep he threw him in his Dodge Neon sleigh... and...

(Luckily for my readers... Santa doesn't get hurt or tortured or anything creepy like that in my story... because according to Google Search there are no such pictures of that on the internet)


..... and for that I say...."Dear god... thank you world!"


Anyways.... I guess for the sake of the rest of the story... lets say Mall-Santa's everywhere came to his rescue!

The most sober ones.

And they freed Santa. 
But the story's not over.... No way. 
You see that whole experience kinda changed Santa...... 

And what I found out just may surprise you.




First......like you could expect from any "imaginary person" going through a trauma like that... 
 Santa Claus had what can only be described as a breakdown. Maybe not as public as Mother Nature's breakdown after El Nino....

Cause she got weird!!!

But a breakdown none the less.......

You see he went to counseling.

And when that didn't work he tried "other ways" of expressing himself.....

But sadly nothing worked .........




And he started to change..... 

At first he started to let himself go.

And then he started drinking......... and for some reason wearing ladies underwear?

He started expressing himself.... but in all the wrong ways.....

He even starting making what can only be described as "disappointing toy choices"!

And he was becoming desperate... to feel something.... anything.

And after what can only be described as... " The Great HO HO HO Misunderstanding" on the corner of 14th and Burnside.....

Santa had hit rock bottom.

But that's where our story changes for the better. You see it was in jail Santa had a revelation..... He needed to pull it together. The world needed him..... Christmas needed him back! Why?

Cause without him.. there would be no deeply regrettable Christmas family photos any more!

And they would probably cancel Mall-Santa appreciation day at the local Amusement parks.... without Christmas!

Other people would probably stop "wasting entire days"... er....  building Christmas themed sandcastles in beach towns around the globe...

and finally...... without Santa around.....

What would little Freddie have to chew on come Christmas Day?

So Santa snapped out of it.
He returned to the North Pole 
And all returned to normal....
And all was good again.....
(That was until the great Christmas medication mix-up of 1988)

But we will save that story for another day.

Cause Santa got weird!!!!

The End?

The Most Unique Christmas Tree Post

Alright everybody.... here we go..... Christmas Trees.

Now..... like most of you, this weekend we put up our Christmas tree. And for me..... that always kinda marks the beginning of the buy things your family members will inevitably return season... er... Christmas holiday.


I guess it's that (the putting up the tree) as well as the official 
"Santa-izing" of the bathroom ....that means Christmas is finally in full gear for my family......... 

Cause Santa's hungry!!!

Anyways......let's get right to the pictures of the crazy Christmas trees.... shall we?


However.......I feel I must first say that on this blog...

We don't celebrate the normal ones here....  We celebrate the more "unique" trees.

Like the ones that didn't quite fit in....

or the ones that really didn't fit in...

You see this will be kinda like an island of misfit toys kinda post...
 but...... totally about Christmas trees.........

Though we will try not to remember that unfortunate
Island of Misfit Toys slaughter....
 that brought us this mean spirited Christmas tree!
Come on man!!!

So..... with all that said..... Plus a quick reminder not to chop down Christmas trees near your own house.....  cause its often dangerous! 

Remember to always chop closer to the neighbors!!!

 ...... I've decided to give you the 10 most unique Christmas trees I could find on the internet.... enjoy!

#10. First off we have The Sushi Tree... Creative! Delicious! And Often Very Fragrant! 
Just not AT ALL in a good way after 24 hours!

#9. Here's the  Entire Hill Above Some Town In Italy Tree.  Or as one guy who lives right in the middle of it remembered it "A sleeping nightmare!"

#8. is The Bacon Tree..... And who doesn't love a breakfast themed tree? I for one am a huge fan of a scrambled egg tree with maybe a country fried steak star and oh ya.... a biscuits and a gravy tree skirt. And..... Sorry bout this one.... Clearly I'm hungry... 

#7. The Nerd Tree..... which is clever.... however I personally much prefer the 80s style Nerd tree.

Cause 80s Nerd Tree is rad!

.

#6.  Now number 6 is actually a couple different photos....
 Which I proudly call...
The Hair Trees.....

#6b.  or maybe The Hair Weave Tree .... 

#6c.  or my favorite..... The Hairspray Tree

#5. Would be Any tree from this Christmas tree farm.......
 Cause that tree would be fabulous! 

#4. The Charmin Tree.  Ya there's no joke here.... its just a tree in a toilet in some Arkansa-ian's living room... 

#3.  Is the going way to far for attention at the Company Christmas Party Tree

#2. is The Contractor Tree..... which was put up way over budget and really wasn't at all what that nice Jewish couple had in mind when they asked him to build them some "holiday decorations!"

#1 And finally..... of course..... is...
 The Lots of Trees Tree...... which The Christmas Tree Enthusiast magazine reviewed as "Shockingly wasteful!"

And that's the list....


But if I'm honest...  there is one more tree out there that some consider "the best tree without question." 
It's this one......

The Money Tree......
or like little Jimmy from Portland called it
"The only tree I ever ask for.... ever!!!!"

Anyways..... hope this all helps your Christmas tree decorating 
and blog ya'll later.....
when we take a look at what I call
 The Fall of Santa Claus Post!