#12 of 14 The Reasons We Dream What We Dream Post

Oh man...
Just woke up from a nap at work today... 
And realized I needed to put out my #12 favorite post..


And you know.... I was having the best DREAM...
In it I was running Facebook...
Yep!


 And I had added a "Get over yourself" button...
... right next to the "like" button...
It was freekin genius!!


But whatever Steve!!
 (get over yourself) 


And post the new post...
Ok....


Here it is......  the #12 post...
The Reasons We Dream What We Dream Post






Today we are gonna get right to it. 
We are gonna talking about dreaming..... 


 SO...... if you could maybe put some pants on? 
( Cause come on!! Kids read this blog too!!?)
 And get ready...
We could get started.....
Ready?
O.K.?
O.K.....


Ah...... DREAMING!!!!
That wonderful time when you close your tired eyes.... 
and slip into a wonderful dreamland....
A land all your own.....
A land where you are in control....
A land where if you are like me.....

....its full of a beach full of freekin Doritos!
Mmmm!

A land where your dreams are but small windows into your subconscious.....

And I guess some bigger windows too?

You see dreams teach us about our fears......

Like that common fear... 
of one day Disney turning evil...
 and destroying the other amusement parks!

Or dreams tell us a little bit about.... 
our most secret desires......

Like maybe that Princess Leia fantasy...

 your inner nerd has always secretly desired! 

Which coincidentally is exactly this next guys recurring dream.....

 But regrettably in public?
Come on buddy!!


Uh .... lets move on!!!

Now... what I really wanted to talk about today was....
"Why do we all have the dreams we have?"
So.... I woke up various sleeping people I knew and asked them...
And after many of  their varied (and angry) responses... 
 one response stood out!


She said..... "Exactly WHERE you sleep impacts the kind of dreams you have .... now STOP watching me sleep Steve!" 


Huh?.....  So for example....

The dream of falling.... This is greatly helped by.....

The kind of bed you are sleeping on........
and probably more importantly....

The kind of angry (cheated on) wife you have....
You know... the one with the scissors?
That just makes sense!!!

Or the dream of somehow being naked and totally embarrassed...

My sources tell me..... That 9 out of 10 times those dreams often happen the evening of the office Christmas party......

And after all the bad decisions you made there!!!

Oh........  and what about that super common dream of being in jail you ask?

Ya..... no that's probably just cause you are actually in jail.....
Sorry inmate and frequent reader #247811!

But what else.... Well according to more people I woke up.... 
There are a few more of the "Most Common Dreams"....

For example..... There's the dream of loosing your TEETH!! 
I guess its pretty common?
Man that would suck...... who dreams of that?

People who get this ring do!!!

Or people who get ready for the wedding in one of these......do!

Then theres the dream of BEING STUCK....... 
where you cant move....

Often a common dream for freeway gridlock nappers......

Makes sense!! 

And then theres the dream of snakes!!!!! 
And I personally would hate this one......

But so did this infant when he was having it!!

And then theres that "dream of seeing different images in your coffee cup".... dream!!!!!

Like this .... which clearly symbolizes.....

Wait!!!!
This is just a cheap way to get a nude photo of coffee into this post..
I apologize.... and am oddly kinda thirsty..
 moving on......

But whatever......let me leave you all with the last couple popular dreams and what they mean.....


Theres the flying dream.....

Which often means..... wake up stupid.... you passed out skydiving!!!

And the dream of being underwater or swimming..... 
Now..... if you have this dream it either means.....

You sleep in this awesome aquarium room...... 
or..... 
sadly.....

You went home next to this guy!!!

And on that note....
Happy dreaming.....
And blog ya'll later!

#13 of 14 The Cake Post

Here we go with my personal #13th favorite post.... 


A post absolutely hated by the gluten-intolerant!
And people who "fear desserts" for some strange reason?


Ready for it?
Here it is...


The Cake Post


Alright..... today's topic is simple.
Its cake....
I enjoy cake...... 
You probably enjoy cake...
Who doesn't? 


Even celebrities enjoy a tasty little slice from time to time... 


For example Mr T loves cake so much.... 

That he had one made of his head!?
Really?

And speaking of HEADS and cake...
Take fading celebrity Val Kilmer....
He loves cake so much......

...he is literally storing cake IN his face!!!
...kinda like a squirrel does with its nuts!!

And don't even get me started on Steven Segal....

...cause he is storing crazy amounts
 of cake in his face these days....

Probably even bacon covered cake!!

Which...

I...

Have nothing bad to say about it..

I just kinda wanna try?

Whatever..

But enough about fat celebrity faces and cake....
That's not the point today
Lets get back to the cake itself...... 
Cause I found some "amazing cakes" to share with you...


So go grab a big glass of milk...
 Or whiskey and pills (whatever helps you read this blog)
 And cut off a big piece of Pillsbury deliciousness..... 


Cause its time to check out all the cakes I found out there on the internet.


Ready?
Lets start with this one. 


Now obviously cakes mark special life moments.... 
But...  
This is probably one moment too many....

Dont worry...
 Im told he had a C-section cake ready also!

And some cakes celebrate PEOPLE.... 
or more specifically... 
their BODY PARTS...

Like the butt cake.

Which is good...
but 9 outta 10 "playa's" prefer the... 

BOOTY cake... 
....which just makes sense!

Speaking of body parts and cake....
Well....sometimes cake should celebrate "the whole body"!

Like this "funeral cake"!!!
And actually.....I LOVE this idea. 
In fact when my time comes..... 
I guarantee I will have this at my funeral. 
Nothing would make me happier in the afterlife....
 than knowing ALL of me was being enjoyed.

uh?
moving on....

Now in truth.... 
there are cakes for almost every reason.  
Birthdays, weddings, retirement.... 
All nice things ........ 
But what about some  "other unique cake reasons"?

Like maybe firing someone?

This would totally work!!
Just sayin!!

Or sharing company policy... but via cake....

Like this sexual harassment cake!
Which is delicious... and informative! 

What else....
Oh ya...

This rarely seen classic..... 
...mom you must be so proud!

And then this one... which I proudly call....

The "congratulations your life took a morally loose turn cake"!

Side note- that cake frequently leads to this next cake....

Which may be the cake that stays with you the longest?!

Wow right?
Well..... not all cakes are bad or weird...
 Some cakes are just perfect the way they are...

Like Pac Man cake.... which I love!

Or Tom Selleck cake... which is awesome and tasty... 
but I could do without the "mustache filling"...

And this Star Wars cake....

Which is brilliant!

And crazy wedding "groom cakes"....

 Like this one that this bride had made for her nerd husband!!

Which was great...

But...

Oh wait!!!

This just in... 

Sadly it didn't work out for the happy couple.. 

It got ugly I'm told.... 

And she left him...... 

Yep... she left him this cake. 

Poor guy!!!

He wasn't happy about this at all.... 
So he sent her back a message of his own... with this cake.

Not the sister!!! 
Yep he went there!!

SO she responded with another cake...

Oh no!!!
Not the mom!!!
Wow!!

Well their story...
Continued down a dark path... 
But before I can find their next cake...
The "Restraining order cake"... 
Let's move on...
Lets get back to some happier cakes... 
Shall we??

Like "Gay cake"...
which is awesome and super happy!!!

And "Fish cake"... which is awesome.... and... 
....actually.... wait!!
Often times this cake is left out too long...
And leads to this cake....

The "Vomit Apology cake"!!
That one sucks!!

Anyways let me finish this post up...
With the 6 worst cakes I could find.

#6 The "Set Your Face On Fire" cake...

#5 The "Dominatrix Cake"...... 
Which I'm told is hard to eat with a ball in your mouth?

#4 The Animal Cake...
Which is perfect to bring over to your vegan friends dinner party...
Man will they will hate it!!  
Here's a tip...
Save them the face...

#3 The Rat Cake...   
all hairy... 
and disease riddled.... 
and delicious?

#2 The Stripper Cake.... 
all hairy... 
and disease riddled....
and delicious? 

Which leaves us with the worst cake ever...

Its this "surprise cake"...

The one that you just never wanna receive...

#1 The "Your Gonna Die Soon" cake......
Hard to argue with that one!!

And that's it for today...
May all your cakes be forever moist..... 
and...
blog ya'll later