Sunday, December 26, 2010

Resolution #2 of 10

#2 To get on TV this year. I know what you are saying. This isn't easy! Not so....Not so at all....It all depends on how bad you want it. Here in Portland you would have a very good chance if you participated in any number of weird Portland events......Santacon or maybe the naked bike ride (parts of you will be blurred out however...hopefully!).... you might protest the cutting down of trees or the saving of some rare spotted animal by chaining yourself to a tree or standing in the way of a tractor (NOTE...Do not try this if you are one of my readers from China!!!! They will just run you over........also probably my many Iran blog followers, or North Korea, etc...) Moving on....


You could also try out for a reality program. I suggest in your video interview tape that at some point you drop the line "I suffer from moral terets".  Producers love that. And maybe lie a bit...... drop this line "I totally believe you can find love in two drunk weeks with an aging rockstar and cameras all around. I find that romantic!" or "I just love to take off my shirt"..... you might be headed to Hollywood.....


Now if those things fail maybe its time to switch gears......you could try quitting your job, becoming an intern, and start dating a powerful political figure.....or....maybe you make a "sex tape".  with your loved one of course..... and accidentally allow it to fall into the wrong hands. I know what you readers are thinking...How do these tapes accidentally get made public?.... Well according to a "friend", he had this funny tape of his cat being all silly, and was gonna send it to grandma..... but ......accidentally...... sent the "sex tape". AND  instead of to grandma, he sent it to Entertainment Tonight's!! The addresses must have been very similar??!? .....See.... It could happen to anyone?!?!?  Im on your side celebrities!!!!... um.....Definitely moving on.....


There are a couple other ways that come to mind.......Faking a bridge jump, or putting yourself in a balloon and letting it float up towards the sky, or jumping in a cage at the zoo ( seriously consider like the meerkats or a tame creature.... much safer choice..... avoid penguins...surprisingly vicious.....just sayin.....) ...Or one last sure fire way may be to jump on the field at a sports game....all boozey with some letter painted on your chest and try to avoid security.( I don't recommend the letter O....serves as more of a bullseye)..... But in truth I don't really recommend any of these.....
 
The bottom line is getting on TV anymore is pretty easy and you can succeed if you try. Myself I was on TV twice last year. Once at work, for a concert thing, and once carrying a drunk girl out of a St. Patrick's day party downtown. ( save your "Sounds like Steve's dating again!" replies).... I was merely helping out a friend but I have to admit when you're girlfriend sees you carrying a drunk girl around downtown on the news....YOU ARE IN FOR A ROUGH NIGHT!!! Keep that in mind.... Happy televisioning and may they always film your good side.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like Steve's dating again...

    ReplyDelete