Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Top 10 drunk conversations...

10. The "Is she cute? She's cute.. right?" conversation.  This often leads to a different talk the next morning. One with yourself in the mirror. 
9. "We should totally start our own restaurant" ....I work in the industry and have had plenty of these......however nobody seems interested in my gluten heavy menu idea?

This is here just cause. I love this photo! 
8. "Your so much better than him" my bar I have overheard this 100's of times .....and like I always say ladies totally are...he's a jerk....and I'm standing right here  if you wanna get even with him...

7. "We should start a band".......happens all the time...but come to think of it how else does a band get started?

6. "We should get a tattoo!" Obviously happens....and probably will be the way I get mine .....but...... dear god please help me try not to be funny with my tattoo......

5. "You and I should go on vacation" Fun to talk about.. rarely actually happens. Oh by the way Reverend Chris I wont be able to take that trip to the holy land sorry...too much communion wine!

4. "You should totally call him....its not too late" .....ah the booty call. I have nothing bad to say about this. Continue dialing.

3."I could do my bosses job so much better" hmm you probably can. Bosses suck!! I mean I couldn't even come close. My boss learns me crazy amazing stuff daily! (hey boss still glad you're a frequent reader here!)

2. The "I'm not gonna puke" debate .....this is almost always followed by guess what ......puke! And if you ever say this phrase "Just tell me if you need me to pull over." might as well just say "Can I hold your hair back while you throw up on my back seat and my groceries?"!

1. And finally the "Just the tip" conversation know just for a second see how it feels!

Thanks for reading everybody...we should all take a vacation together!!!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

top 10 worst things to hear in bed

All right so here's that list that no one talks about. ......but I'm guessing if you are reading my blog, then you have probably heard more than a few of these..... So with that said and a quick apology to my we have 

The Top 10 worst things to hear in bed.....except theres way more than friends and I have issues!!!!! to listen to while sleeping....... and insulting when someone does this during.............

the phrase "Well.....I guess it really isn't the motion of the ocean"

clearly "Where is it"... sucks

"Just duck".....

"Is that your thumb?"

or if anyone says........... "whats with the gerbil cage?"

then of course just random laughter.......kinda told

"Thank you daddy"............... um.....too much?

If someone says "Do you mind if my imaginary friends join?"....just run

for those of you not appreciating where this post is headed stop reading just gets worse...........

"Would you mind putting my leg on the nightstand?"

"So your saying rubbing spam on your chest in bed isnt sexy?"

"Man I didnt know you could get dreads down there!"

"um...Why did you put the circus mirrors above your bed?"

"Your best friend let me do it!!"

"Would you mind putting on the Dick Cheney mask this time?"

"Take a number please!"

"First time in prison?"

"Nothing gets me hotter than a hoarder"

"What time is your mom picking you up?"

"Church rocks!!"

"Paper or plastic....honey you choose"

"Dont worry just let the dog finish"

and finally

"Why didnt you take your sweater off?"

Thats it ......feel free to add any.......and again thanks for stopping by my blog where classy happens!!!!!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Weird milk trick..........

No joke here....its just that this is really cool.....I think. I found this on this other blog and figured I would share it. Watch it and impress your friends.....or freak the hell out of your cat.......I guess?

after watching this.......... this may be how Gary Busey sees his breakfast cereal.....
or what James Franco's breakfast looked like before he hosted the Oscars.....
or what smurf love juice looks like.......wait.....too much? ...... Ya maybe!....Sorry!
Anyways check it I said.......its kinda cool.........

Revisiting the sleeping with the TV on with pictures

So... I fall asleep to the TV. I have for years. Some exes like it... Some not so much. But it is what it is. I doze off with the remote right next to me. Sometimes I roll over on it and it changes the channel....that said I think I'm learning things from TV..                                                           while I sleep!

For example, the other day I woke up and I told people that I spoke to God, and the only way to be saved from eternal damnation was to send me money...... then I screamed REPENT, put my hand on peoples forehead, pushed them down and said "You have been healed bitch" My boss didn't appreciate. So clearly I was watching tv evangelists while I slept ....get the joke. O.k. Good. Here we go............

Some mornings I wake up and can speak more Spanish. Thanks Spanish channel....... and the bonus from those nights is, I also learn how to have a crazy hot cat fight with another busty spanish soap star....all because of Carlos.  Porque... Carlos... Porque?

Then one day I got up, put in my dentures and had nothing but right wing thoughts! Must have been Fox News I was sleepwatching! I just couldn't stop thinking how war is good & that its o.k. to crush the little people. Wait ...Wait... Even sleeping I could tell how biased this channel                                           never mind this one. 

look close to see something naughty!

I tried to fall asleep to an "adult channel" once know to learn a few things but I just woke up feeling static, wavy and scrambled...

Hmmm what else..... the other day I woke up and had to wear some bright pumps.....and you know what.... they did make the whole outfit pop!!! thanks fashion channel.....

Another morning I woke up and hated and distrusted all men ..... Then proceeded to have an eating disorder and then get in and out of an abusive relationship.    Lifetime channel!! Would it kill you to play something positive?

Woke up and felt all naughty...Damn you shakeweight infomercial!!!

Purposely fell asleep to the reality channel of course. Love me some reality! Woke up all happy.... then proceeded to break up with the girl I was dating her off.

And lastly I slept with MTV on last night. I was hoping to hum some new music when I woke up....... and.....nothing.......Do they even play music anymore? Whatever... All I felt was this odd sympathy for teen pregnancy? Huh?

by the way if you stared at the scrambled tv pic for very long...shame on you
Anyways thats it...
Sweet dreams everybody. I think I'm going to try the travel channel. Its been a long week and I need to get away.........

Friday, March 25, 2011

Revisiting the Sensitive post... in truth its a bit embarrassing!

So I guess Im a sensitive person (so says my dentist). I had never reallly thought of myself that way till now.... But if I think about it... I totally am!!.

I care... I care about things and thoughts and things with thoughts

This is here for no good reason!
I love.... I love the friends in my world and jokes and my sports teams (maybe too much?... Dont let me find you on the street Greg Oden).... uh..... I love my family...  so much I would probably take a bullet for em. Thrown at me by hand... not shot. Thats crazy!

I believe..... I believe in the general good in people. I believe in ghosts and yeti and the possibility that grey hair will one day totally reverse and go back to its natural color....... I believe in an all female alien race that frequently abducts us male humans for procreation experimentation. And in case any of you aliens read my blog.... been working out!.... I believe in breakfast for dinner. (I do not however condone breakfast for lunch... you savages!!). I believe in reading the end of the book first only if its an audio book. And... I believe being a selfish lover is all mental ( so says my dentist)

I cry... At my favorite teams losses ..... or every time Charlie Sheen or Lindsay Lohan fall off the wagon. I'm pullin for you guys!?! (this is funny cause this was originally written around Xmas time ...before he went crazy!! no amount of tears could help him now!) ....anyways... and then sometimes I cry for no reason... in the rain... on my knees.... hands up to the sky.... I weep. Totally all sensitive like!

and lastly I feel..... I feel a little older these days. Wiser? uhhh? Maybe. I feel like theres some secret waiting out there for me.... and some surprise is right around the corner (and not like when you get served court papers) And I feel hopeful to find it... or her.. or them... or the cure.... And you all will be the first to read about it. O ya one more I feel ticklish (so says my dentist)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Patrick's Picture Post #7

Today's picture post brings you BREAKING NEWS in the Barry Bonds case...

(for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about: In 2007, he was indicted on charges of perjury and obstruction of justice for allegedly lying to the grand jury during the government's investigation of BALCO, by testifying that he never knowingly took any illegal steroids. The trial began March 21, 2011.)

New evidence was introduced in the case (shown below) that leads investigators to believe that he may have been taking performance enhancing drugs:
Bonds denies ever taking steroids, but his credibility was once again dashed when he showed up to court this morning...
On an unrelated note, reports indicate that Bonds recently received a care package from Charlie Sheen.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Star Whackers is real!!! Heres the proof you need....

Bruce Willis...........look out!!!!!

Dennis Quaid...... watch out behind you!!!!!

Lindsey Lohan............. dont go into the basement alone!!

Lady Gaga.... trust no one!!

Mel Gibson...... actually you can have him!!

The Star Whackers are coming for them!! And they are going to kill them! What? Who are the Star Whackers you ask? Well according to clinical nutjob or Randy Quaid to some, the Star Whackers are a real organization with one plan. Knocking off one celebrity at a time. Dead!!! And they exist.

According to Mr. Quaid recent victims include David Carradine, Michael Jackson, and Heath Ledger. With Mel Gibson, Lindsey Lohan, and both himself and Dennis Quaid on their hit list.This is freekin shocking!!  This is absolutely crazy!!!! So... here at my blog I absolutely had to get to the bottom of this and figure out how to ..... how to expose this evil group.  Heres 10 things you                            should know.

1. Randy Quaid and wife Evi fled to Canada to avoid becoming the Star Whackers latest victims. So smart of them. Everyone knows how hard it is to get in to Canada.. especially a secret group of people that nobody knows  about. They clearly could never get in.........ay.

2. And the group is broadening their hit list..cause mentioning Randy Quaid and the word star together doesn't happen often anymore. So now washed up celebs better look out!!  Is anyone safe? Love me some cousin Eddie though!!!

3. Star Whackers is secretly suspected of being behind Gary Coleman's, South Park Kenny's, Ed McMahon's, Leslie Nielsen's, and Flanders wife's death!!! The bastards!! Also fairly sure they got to Dustin Diamonds career!!

4.My sources have uncovered that Star Whackers also secretly wrote the 4th Indiana Jones movie....effectively killing off Indiana for me!!! They also wrote the second and third Matrix movies and created and voiced Jar Jar Binks character completely. This is beginning to make so much sense!!!

5. Potential members of star wackers include Nancy Grace, Dr Drew, Oprah's husband Steadman, Mugatu, Christopher Walken, Ivanka Trump, Ross Perot and old undead Elvis!!

6. Charlie Sheen once ordered a star wacker.... but was looking for a totally different thing!!

7. The organization goes way back. In fact their first credited kill........ Yeller

8. Tupak, Biggie and recently Nate Dog were killed by a similar group.....Wiggity Wiggity Wackers my sources say.

9. In related news Sara Palin attempted to launch Political Whackers with her bullseye website.

10. I'm almost certain they were at least partially responsible for whacking the death star!!

Anyways this thing fascinates me............and I have a feeling I will have more on this as I dig further. Untill then....... run Randy!