So the ducks lost in the title game last night in crushing fashion...Man!!!... with some crazy running back rolling over a linebacker...in some weird is he down or is he not play for the ages... where then he runs for 50 yards basically setting up an Auburn game winning field goal.....Really sports??? and this is coming off yesterdays Blazers tough colapse against the Heat and also my beloved Chiefs getting beaten badly in the playoffs......That's it......That is it....I give up.... I believe officially I am sports cursed.... and what did I do?....did I accidently run over some magic squirrel or take a bite of some forbidden mystical late night value meal.... It doesnt really matter....for me its real now....Come to think of it even over Christmas my pictionary team took a massive beating...Come on family that was clearly a picture of Thomas Edison!!!! The real question now is what to do....... and I have decided, for you all, to list the teams and games I like so you can avoid them like the plague in the future....Believe me you will thank me..... Here we go.... they will only bring you pain.....
K.C. Chiefs... breaking my heart since 95
San Diego Padres...I mean did you see their legendary colapse at the end of the last year..again heartbreaking..
Portland Trailblazers... We finally get two potential hall of famers.. oh wait...they are made of glass!!!
Twister...you will break a hip ( sorry grandma)
Cribbage.....don't play or you may see the ever rare triple skunk....
Monopoly......don't play....or you end up in some never ending 5 hour game .....wait I think that's every
game...see also Risk
Wii fishing...you will only catch non keepers...so get ready to throw em back
Beer Pong..... actually good at this...however frequently people, after these games, you will realize...that their really wasn't any true winners...Advil anyone....
Murder Mystery parties....get ready to always end up the person killed
Survivor...haven't picked who can outwit outplay or outlast like ever...so prepare yourself to have your favorite make some terrible alliance and then listen to Jeff say the tribe has spoken..snuff their torch...then watch the nice person win...boring!!
Solitaire....I know what you are thinking...how can you lose when you are playing by yourself.... well get ready for a few playing card paper cuts...
Dance Dance Revolution.... you wont lose...but the minute you play someones gonna see you and take a photo of you and then you are gonna be startled by the flash and twist an ankle and collapse onto the ground where they will inevitably take more photos and then post them on Facebook and everyone will laugh and laugh and....I......er......imagine...
Chess....Checkmate
Super Mario....You wont ever win....In fact you may discover an alternate ending...where the Princess ends up into Bowser these days...I mean come on your a plumber
Golf....how I love you...but get ready for a round that goes like this... tree..tree...water...tree...water...tree...oh no not the parking lot...Yep!!! through your windshield....Man!!!!
Water skiing....he's up...he's down...he's still down...let go of the rope...LET GO OF THE ROPE STUPID........fade to black...then...awake with some guy named Bernard giving you mouth to mouth..............
"Naughty" adult dice....don't play...you will just end up rolling that one thing you don't want to do over and over "Foot rub again?...Really!!".....and in related dicing avoid "relationship dice"....I played once....rolled talking, sharing, listening, sharing, holding, crying together...then I threw them out the window.....
and finally competitive eating...... That 48th hot dog is gonna hurt.... cause you just developed a brand new food allergy...or maybe it was just that many hot dogs...either way really
Well hopefully that helps......Trust me these things will only lead to sad outcomes.... Move on......There are plenty other games to play and teams to root for....... and if you ever see a glowing magical squirrel in the road......Swerve like hell or the next time you are in one of your synchronized swimming matches......... uh...........I guess............you wont be that synchronized or something????
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