Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Top 10 Things to do when the world is about to end

So more and more it has been brought to my attention that the world is going to end..... someday.... The signs are out there. I mean come on we officially now have radioactive rain in Portland. (thanks jet stream from Japan). Reality shows aren't going away, online dating is actually working, Saturday Night Live is back to being funny again, and the homeless people in Portland are somehow getting fatter (that has to mean something right?), The Mayan calendar told us this would happen people (and not to trust the white man but whatever) 

 Whats next? Well death everybody. Deal with it. Be it the zombie-apocalypse or radio waves from the Verizon version of the iPhone (There had to be a reason reception is better than AT&T's)......... so...... what should we all do when it becomes painfully clear its over. Below is the top 10 things you better bet your ass I will be doing. Here we go.

10. Get some ass....... come on you all were thinking it.

well not all of them!
9. I'm gonna go to church. Lets just put it this way. If there is a floating cloud world full of awesome and I didn't confess my sins and get a pass to go up there.....I would totally be kicking myself. So church is definitely on the list. In fact I may stop by every religious place I could find....you know just to be safe.

8. Tell my boss exactly what I think of him. In fact all the bosses I have ever had. Go to their houses. Really let em have it.... cursing... making a scene...tying up their family ...starting a fire ... wait did things just get weird?? 

7. Wear a bunch of weird stuff I never would normally. Skinny jeans or maybe some overalls without a shirt underneath. Maybe I will get a mullet just cause.. or get a ridiculous tattoo.. damn I guess this is my hillbilly ending.

6. I'm gonna tazer somebody....thats it. I just really always wanted to.

5. I am going to spend the day telling all the rude people in the world why they suck. "Hey buddy you drive like a total ass!!" "Hey man your cologne is so strong is burning my eyes" and sir "Ya you being rude to that server.. there's a special  place in hell for you 5 percent tippers"

4. Get me some credit cards...... buy some crazy stuff.....  gold toilet ......  maybe a monkey..... buy an In- N -Out burger just for me. Delicious.

3. I would get all my family together... all of them.... and buy every one of them an airplane ticket to the most exotic place I could think of.....  and then I would totally fly somewhere completely different. I mean have you ever vacationed with ALL of your family. . 
2.I would try some exotic food. Here kitty kitty kitty...... hey......... they are all gonna die anyways!!! Or maybe I should break into the zoo.........?

1. And lastly I would probably break in to Apple headquarters in Cupertino..... who knows they may actually have in their possession a time machine...... or at the very least I could get my hands on the iPhone 6 before everyone else. suckas!

Thats it. See ya all in another life..... maybe...


  1. your funnies never fail to amuse me... XD

  2. Thanks Justine. Im glad you enjoy. I learned all I know in anger management!