Friday, May 20, 2011

The Judgement Day Post


So this is my 150th post .... and my last. You see tomorrow May 21st 2011 is apparently Judgement Day. And after a quick skim of this Atheist to Christian travel dictionary I found... I just may now understand whats about to happen. Apparently Jesus is coming back. Perfect!! Who wouldn't want that. I want that! I have been waiting for what seems like a lifetime to find out which religion was closest to the truth (pullin for ya Methodist)... And even more importantly...  if the DaVinci Code was right on the mark. I suspect so... 


But back to who had it right.... was it Hindu or Judaism or Christianity... It doesn't really matter...we're about to find out. By the way Vegas has Jehovah Witnesses as 1000 to 1 underdogs. Regardless, with all the excitement I have some reservations ..... I'm worried.   Too often the sequel isn't as good as the original. And the original spawned Bibles, religion, faith, Two Sister Act movies and like a billion dollars worth of necklaces with crosses on them .. good luck topping all that! Anyways I needed to do more digging into what this all actually means.... and really its pretty simple. 

Here's what I learned

Jesus is coming back to judge us all... and no slackers there wont be a curve. Damn it!!.... uh.... I meant  Darn it!  Some people he will deem good... some bad.... some get presents.... some get coal. ...wait does anyone feel a Santa connection here?  Im getting off point ..... 

Basically if you are deemed good, you get raptured/ transported/ ascended/ something... on up to heaven. Good for you. The rest of us cretans stay down here in kinda what sounds like a hell on earth. (Side note... religious readers... please comment if I dont have it quite right. But remember... be nice... cause someones about to judge your ass). so that's mostly it..... and now thinking about all of this new information,  I have a few more things I need to say.


1. If you are a housepet who had a good owner... it sucks to be you. Your gonna starve in the house when the food runs out.







voted 2010 math joke of the year. Really?
 2. This date May 21st 2011 was apparently set 7000 years ago to be Judgement Day. Impressive follow through!  I know personally I have a hard time committing to things more than two weeks out.... let alone 364,000 weeks out (and hey theres nothing wrong with a judgement day/math joke occasionally.. right nerds?)


3. Now let me get this straight... good-dead-buried people ascend to heaven... but not the creamated people!!! First off...did the cremated  people know this wasn't included in their non-burial package? And second... man does that suck..Maybe its just too messy?  May I suggest a Dyson?






4. Also at this time I would like to take a minute to say goodbyes to the following sure fire ascenders. Kirk Cameron, TV Evangilists, Madonna, Jesus from the movie Kingpin, The Osmonds,  the writers of Full House, the Church Lady, and virgins everywhere!








5. What happens to the scientologists? Seriously?
To my left is my best guess?










6. Also if the rapture happens about 3:15 tomorrow...  God can I get a heads up.... at that time I will be in the dentist chair and if my dentist gets beamed up mid-drill.... that would really not work out well for me.












7. And lastly if by some freak list mixup  I actually get raptured and I start floating upward like I drank Willy Wonka's Fizzy Lifting drink.......I really hope I ascend upwards properly.... and don't somehow do it wrong... 








Well all joking aside I guess we shall see if I get to Blog ya'll later or not ...time will tell... if not it's been a pleasure everybody.... and like Desmond said on Lost. See ya in another life.. brotha! 

5 comments:

  1. If I get left behind and Miley Cyrus gets beamed up I am going to be pissed! Same with the dumb whore Ms. Spears!


    thebluntonion.blogspot.com

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  2. Dont worry Onion Girl.... I have a strong feeling their 15 minutes were beemed up already!

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  3. So.....am I to believe that, out of the 6.92 billion people on Earth, The Mad Man is the only one to actually be raptured?? I mean, why else would he not have posted anything since??

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  4. Patrick....... sadly I did not get raptured. I as well as many others just sold all my worldly possessions as I was expecting to be beemed up.... but wasn't. So it took me a couple days to find a computer.... but I'm happy to report their is a new post up today. Enjoy.... kinda?

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  5. this is so awkward we're all still here lololol

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