Tuesday, September 6, 2011

How To Get Rid Of A Gold Digger

So I interrupt my top ten ways to spice up your sex life posts to bring you something a bit more personal.... so bare with me. You see my brother recently ended a "relationship?" with a gold digger. You all know the kind..... Someone who enters your world and claims to be all in to you.... but secretly is just all about your bank account. 


I know what you are thinking.... "Is he o.k.? Them gold diggers can be viscous." 
He is...  thanks for asking.... But how exactly did he do it? Cause we all know.. a gold digger can be hard to trap and often harder to get rid of ... Well.... Im gonna share just that with you... Ready? Here it is ......  a few easy steps to get rid of that digger in your life.. 


1. First identify suspect person as a true gold digger. Its normally very easy.... just look for the signs.... 


For example marrying the rich and deathly ill....




2. Then once identified.... let it slip you have stashed a huge pile of cash and family jewels... somewhere in the house?



3. Doing o.k. so far? Alright! Now.... choose a door to be painted gold... preferably a basement door... or any door that leads to the outside!






4. And put a sign on it that says "gold inside... keep out!"




5. Now its just time to wait.... trust me it wont take long... your digger will eventually get curious and open that door.... 


When they do.... quickly slam it shut and lock it behind them.... 




5. Its that easy.......Sure it might take a slight push? but whatever...
 Now..... what is behind the gold door is up to you. Obviously it could be simply the door outside.... 
but we can do better than that... cant we?


Maybe its the basement door ?


and the basement stairs have seen better days?


or maybe its the old trapdoor..... 


video




 into a cage.....


"caged digger"


or...maybe... just maybe..... its just a door to absolutely nowhere.




Any which way you are now free of your gold digger... like we are...


But remember.. if you decide to go the "cage a gold digger" route..
Make sure to taunt .......
blog ya'll later

19 comments:

  1. An even simpler way is to just not buy her things, but that lacks the evil cunning required here. I don't have enough money to attract a gold digger for now though so I'll have to just store this information away.

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  2. I'm glad to have found a blog that provides such useful information. I've been worried about how to protect my imaginary assets.

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  3. I need to get one of those "No Rolex No Sex" shirts!

    PS. I didn't see the money under the mattress at first and thought it was so sort of cool "improve your sex life with this position" type of bed enhancements.

    PPS. I am sort of sad it wasn't.

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  4. Whew - should anyone want my bed spring of cash, finally I'll know how to get rid of him!

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  5. Haha this is great! Thanks for update and support!

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  6. Why not just have sex with her? You don't have to pay her unless you've signed a contract.

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  7. I was sad you interrupted the love life series, but then I was happy the gold digger post was funny. Funny outweighs sadness, so you squeak by on points this time :)

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  8. I figured all you had to do to find a gold digger is look into a mirror at the end of my hallway. No, not me, but I did find someone else and now life is getting better everyday. I hate that mirror but love it too.

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  9. One of the perks of being almost indigent is never having to worry about such heinous people stalking you.

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  10. that poor women fallin through the trap door, I'm thinkin a stitch or two. my gawd. the pressures of being rich, thank god I live check to check.

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  11. I need basement stairs like that. It looks like a cover of a Goosebumps book.

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  12. What a relief - I'll never have anyone after me for my money. Maybe my mad water boiling skillz, but not my money.

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  13. This touches way too close to home. My brother-in-law, the millionaire Internet business guru with the social skills of a retarded mule, has a golddigger girlfriend that has literally taken everything. She's a stripper, and still seeing her husband on the side. Yeah, that's right, husband. God my brother in law is an idiot.

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  14. In my neighborhood, you can just make the sign read, "WARNING! Welfare check inside. KEEP OUT!"

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  15. I've known a few gold diggers in my time, and they ain't all female. I use my attack dogs and the 12 gauge and they seem to get the hint really quick.

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  16. Quality advice sir but I'm lucky I don't have any gold.

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  17. Glad my girlfriend isn't one. :P

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  18. @Mark... I wish you so much wealth and prosperity that you become a gold digger target.

    @Stephen hayes.... "imaginary assets" hahaha!!! Be careful with those!!!

    @ angie.... that bed is kinda at a sexy angle... it would totally work... plus the bonus of not needing to leave money on the nightstand!!

    @Megan... glad to help and be careful with you cash bed... bonus info-- my sources tell me its much more comfortable than "piles of coins bed"

    @D22 Zone... thanks....
    and much support back atcha!!

    @Gorilla Bananas....Im with you.... gold digger or not.... you should still have the sexitime! Good point!!

    @Doug Stephens... Im glad you are enjoying the sex tips... Im particularly fond of the one I just put up on threesomes.... so enjoy and thanks!!

    @Scott Bailey.... ah my brother!!! Who by the way this post is about. Things ARE better every day now that she is gone huh.... Im so glad we got rid of that trashy gold digger... now the only problem is.... where to bury the body?
    P.S. haha on the mirror reference!!!!

    @Bodacious Boomer... well just store this info away for when you strike oil in your backyard or something... then when you are rich you will know what to do

    @todd carr... I know!!! That woman took a freekin nasty spill... and as for check to check.... I wish you mucho riches in the near future my friend!

    @Miss Sassy Pants... or maybe Dr Seuss style stairs?

    @The Accidental Somebody...haha!! be very careful of them water boiling gold diggers. If you arent careful they will clean you out of all your hot water... the jerks!

    @A beer for the shower.... See everybody! These gold diggers are out there... and apparently stripping!!! Uh.... What strip club did you say she worked at? You know just for research purposes....

    @Fred Miller.... haha. That would work!!

    @Linda Medrano.... hell ya Linda!!! That'll teach em! And you are completely right... there are plenty of guy gold diggers too.

    @The angry lurker..... Ya they do crazy love that actual gold... its true.... they will pretty much devour a leprechaun if given the chance...

    @DWei.... yes you should be.... congrats on that!!!

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