Monday, September 19, 2011

Vacation To "........." Post

I'm gonna interrupt my normal filth..... er......"morally challenged content" here on this blog...... because....  I am officially headed on a court ordered vacation.... where you ask?

To somewhere along the interstate? ..... No.....
 Nope.. that was the last couple trips. This trip is somewhere totally different...

Is it to the ever popular Hairy Man festival? Well... I wish.. but my sources reviewed the food there as "Regrettably Delicious"  
Sadly they just couldn't get past all that body hair they found in nearly every dish..
 So not there either..

Or what about a road trip to go see some roadside attraction... like the worlds largest ball of twine... maybe?

But not after an investigation concluded that they used that same ball o' twine to help model the worlds largest bra..
And that's just cheapens the whole twine experience to me... so no .... 

None of the above..... My girl and I are actually off to....

Yep we are Maui bound.... its time for a vacation.... So I'm loading up on the sunscreen........

and then were off for a little relaxing beach time... like this lady...
I mean just look how relaxed her skin looks.......

Tomorrow morning bright and early.... we board the plane and off we go...

Now if I'm honest I'm not a huge fan of flying.....
Cause anything can happen...
and we are flying Hawaiian
where they pride themselves on having "local" pilots. Nightmare...

But whatever...... while I do typically prefer the bus...

Especially when you spring for your own compartment.....

 I'm sure we will be fine.... and we will arrive safely tomorrow afternoon in Hawaii.

And get Lei'd
Side note.... my sources tell me to avoid "over lei-ing"......

                                   Over-leing example below...

 (STOP....if you thought I was gonna make "over lei-ing" into some sort of unfortunate sex reference ... shame on you. I'm not gonna do that here)

 I'm gonna do that.... HERE

uh ......... moving on.....

Now... back to the actual vacation.... you see we made our reservations at this "quaint" island hotel said to give you the "true island experience"
I really enjoy watching those nature shows!
and we rented a car ... so we can take a few scenic drives along the coastline....
Overly scenic...

And that's it. When we aren't driving around touring the island... we are going to spend our days running around the beach....


Regardless of whatever happens.. it's Hawaii & it's freekin vacation. 

Oh ya.... I almost forgot...  nearly half of the fun of vacation is being away from everyone.... meeting all sorts of seriously 
crazy and hilarious people. 
 So.... for this trip (and for this blog) I'm taking a unique approach to the crazy person ice-breaker.... I will be the guy in the costume. 

Come on over and share a Mai-Tai


  1. Don't forget to visit the building that Jack Lord looked out from in the opening credits of Hawaii Five 0.

  2. You get 500 man points if you actually dress up as Darth Vader in Hawaii. I want to go to the Hairy Men Festival.

  3. Hooray over-lei-ing! Boo gross lady in hammock. Hooray Darth Vader drinking a cocktail. Boo hairy man stuffs in food. Hooray this post and your vacation.

  4. Be sure and take a helicopter rides when you're there. Choose one that doesn't have doors, and piss yourself like I did. Still, it was the experience of a lifetime!

  5. Yay! Hawaii! That lady in the hammock looked like a thanksgiving day ham. Haha.

    Was that a room full of people having sex? My gawd. Performance anxiety me thinks.

    Have a great time!

  6. I am going to bleach my brain to erase the thoughts of what the big sex room smells like and wish you the very best of vacations!

  7. Ahahahahah have a great time then! :-)

  8. Have a fabulous time kiddo. And thanks for the heads up about never laying in a mesh hammock.

  9. You can't do this to us. You've just been on a holiday for crying out loud... Anyway, beside the fact that I'm jealous and wish I could see those palm trees and fine beaches, I hope you have a great time, Steve. And remember, it's never too laid to get overlei'd.

  10. hahaha love how you use the pics in your tale, even though some made me cringe.

  11. @Gorilla Bananas..... I was on the wrong island for that so settled for where the Brady boys found the cursed idol....

    @Mark.... where can I collect my 500 points? See ya at the hairy man festival. I haven't shaved anything in like a year... I must be ready.

    @Pickleope.... haha..... hooray for your comment!

    @Stephen Hayes.... I didn't get around to that this trip.... Im not a huge fan of heights.... so I started with extreme ziplining and parasailing and then just standing on window ledges... I think Im ready for the copter next time

    @todd car... haha! Ya no kidding.... extreme performance anxiety!

    @The angry lurker.... thanks!

    @angie.... what you dont like the sweet smell of love.... times like 100? ya thats gotta smell nasty!

    @daisy.... thanks daisy!

    @bodacious boomer..... ya I think we all learned a little about hammocks from that photo... mainly what you look like in them.... to people passing by!

    @j littlejohn.... i have been trying to corner the market on "oh my" for a while now.... so thanks@

    @RCB.... hey buddy! Its true I went on a few "court ordered" vacations this summer.... and I had a great time.... but Im back full time now...for a while.... or at least till the voices come back again!

    @Pat Hatt.... thanks.... be prepared to cringe often......