Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Furniture War

All right lets get right to it shall we?
You see.... moving day is fast approaching for me....
So the lady and I.....  have been spending  time "going through each of our our worldy possessions" ......

It seems we might have too much stuff to bring everything on over to the new place? 
And ... according to my lady.... some of our old stuff might just not work within the "new style" of place we are moving into?
Huh? I guess that makes sense?

So some stuff will make it.
Other stuff will sadly not!
I get it!

And you know... one positive thing about the old stuff that didn't make it is....

It'll be so much easier to move!

But whatever..... here's what I wanted to talk about...
You see yesterday.....  while relaxing.... 
Eating some take-out Chinese food....
Watching any one of those 18 different shows on Discovery Channel filmed in Alaska..... 
You know the shows... the ones staring men you wouldn't let anywhere near your children.
 (I think it was called Anchorage Dental Gold) 

Anyways THAT is when it all started!
It was when I was first informed that..... 
 My chair wasn't gonna fit with THE LOOK of the new place!

My rhino chair???
How could this not make the cut.....I asked myself?

Oh but it didn't stop there.... Nope!
Also not making the cut was my beloved dresser....

She apparently found it "too aggressive?"

Also she found my book shelf .....
Quote....."Creepy at night!"
It was out too!!!

And she even wanted the "chair I had from college" gone...
Which really hurt...
...cause of all the wonderful and often "surprising" memories I made with that chair!

Now I must admit I was beginning to become angry. 
A pattern was developing. 
All my stuff was getting the axe. 

Well... two could play that game I thought....
So two did play that game!
And I quickly informed her that for me..... her lamp didn't make "my cut" either... and it needed to go!

First off I found it emasculating ....
and really didnt appreciate where they had chosen to put the on/off switch!

She countered by rejecting my table.....

Not my Star Trek table!!!

So I struck back..... and rejected her awful awful chandeliers!!!!!
Which I always hated!!

To this she quickly grew upset ....
And told me  "If I have to get rid of the only thing I have left  that reminds me of Carlos.... than your other stupid chair is gone too!!"
Wait I thought... who was Carlos... and dear god why did that chandelier remind her of him?

But I would never get that answer....
we went on to throw out piece after piece of furniture...

She would toss out one of my chairs...

And I would toss one of her weird mens ab chairs?

She would toss out my "hand crafted" wine cabinet...

And I would get rid of her weird Mermaid couch....

She would toss my Sumo table...

And I would toss her weird man-shelf?
Man I hated that thing!

And then....
Well then it happened.... we just plain ran out of furniture to eliminate...
And all was well again!
So we made up.... 
And discovered a nice "furniture compromise" on the set-up of our new place....

This one....

And thats where we are....
Furniture- less.... but happy!

Now the important thing was nobody won The Furniture War...
Though between you and me....  I did figure out a way to keep at least one piece of my furniture.... I just "modified it"...

And for that I proclaim myself
the winner!!!

Anyways enjoy your furniture everybody...
Cause you never know when a furniture war will find you!
And blog ya'll later!


  1. My god.. NOT the Sumo table? The rest? well, I can see merit to both opinions.

    But I really can't understand why anyone wouldn't want that lovely table.

    And moving... I'd rather go through labor than move.

  2. Oh my days, if I had even half of these things under one roof, my life would be complete. I mean, I'm not a huge possessions guy, but the quirkiness is overwhelming.

  3. Did you fool any girls to sit on you with that college chair? I'm not even sure you would have enjoyed it.

  4. Lol that chandelier is well ummm hung. With that one chair you surely will never have to shit or get off the pot.

  5. As always, your posts are a joy. I'll never look at our furniture the same way again.

  6. That manhood lamp is really disturbing, Steve. Just the way we like it :) And as for that rhino chair, we'd better not have too much to drink or else we might end up sitting on the wrong side of that thing. Ouch! Have a nice day, buddy!

  7. I knew men were good for something - making a great shelf! Great post and very funny. My hubby had a few spats at first about the decor of our first place. He finally gave up, thank goodness.

  8. I personally like the mermaid couch, but only because I am partial to mermaids. The man shelf looks like it belongs in the morgue though!!

    Happy moving trails!! I hope you're on to bigger and better things!!

  9. Glad you won the furniture almost always do. If I had any of this furniture, it would be a battle that I would lose! It all seems so....extreme!

  10. Oh, I've heard of Carlos . . . by reputation. He's a gypsy and has beautiful crystal balls to go with that chandelier.

  11. What's wrong with the man shelf??? It doesn't deserve to be tossed out Steve! It's cree- Uhm... Cute!

  12. Spectacular post, Steve - I laughed my ass off.. I lost it at "light switch".

  13. Very funny. Love the rhino chair legitimately. But for your sake, who the hell is Carlos!?! And for the man-lamp, is the light adjustable? Flicking the on/off switch makes it brighter?
    I think I can get most of these in the SkyMall catalog.

  14. I want that wine cabinet. Give it to me.

  15. Fun post - made me laugh which is always nice! Thanks!

  16. Did she make you dust the man-shelf? That's a good reason to get rid of it. Good luck with the move and if you're nice to your lady, she'll probably let you have that man-cave you asked for ;)

  17. I like a nice bod on a man, but that ab chair and the man shelf both creeped me out! Love the post!