Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The Spider Picture Post

Alright so I had a run in with a spider at work today...
And it made me think of this old post.....
So I reworked it a bit.... and while I am currently finishing up my "Steak Post" entitled "Overcooked again!!! Damn you restaurant!"
here you go....

Blood thirsty... 
 Poisonous little monsters....
Catching their prey with elaborate nets... er... webs. 
They are actually such crafty little predators...  
...that the Japanese are studying them for crowd control technology! 

So.....  just bring your scissors Japanese criminals!! Duh!

 Well anyways .....I hate them...
And throughout all my travels and internet stalking I have yet to find anyone who actually likes these 8 legged nightmares... 
Well..... I guess maybe..... 
 The producers of that show Fear Factor might....

But those sickos specialize in ruining washed up actors... er... "career extras" television dreams anyways!
So they don't count!

 But lets get even more honest shall we?
.... it goes past hate ... 
To a kind of pure terror!!
And.... I guess it really started way back when I was just a little kid and had that one camp counselor...
 who was a..... 

"Convicted" spider lady?
Man I will never forget her eyes.....
These ones...
Spider leg lashes!!!
Man I still have nightmares!

But lets move on shall we...
Now.... we have established I hate spiders...
But let me be clear...
They hate me too! 
Yep it's mutual.
Cause I have smashed a lot of them... 

With various things....

Like my girlfriends shoe... 
or her hairbrush.. 
or her computer... 
or my favorite ...her hand!!
 (when she's sleeping of course.. Im not a monster!)  
Man I miss her. 
Honey if you are reading this. 
Congrats on the new laptop & please come home!

Anyways... lets get to it. 
Horrible spider pictures. 
I hate this blog sometimes.... but here you go.... 

First off is........ 
Bacne spider!
And then we have....
Black widow spider ... nest!
I know this isn't even funny at all... it just sucks!
Now we have a bird eating spider. 
And to that I say...
"Great! Their moving up the food chain!"

We have car spiders....

Getting in through the rust.  Lovely!

And big-ass desert spiders. 
Just one more reason Iran blows!

And then here are "airport parking lot spiders". 
Its like I've always said...
"Do whatever you can to avoid long term parking!"

Man....I hate this post. .... I wish I could stop it.... but then we would all miss the horrible finish. Which I promise will have an impact.... so...I guess... more spider related crap.

Spider slippers... not so bad I guess.

And then spider heels.....which are kinda hot...  
Right.... strippers that read my blog?... 

And face tattoos. Which are all over the internet. 
Even spider ones. 
Now I for one love these inkings .. or as I call them... 
 "Crazy People Markers!"

We have horny spiders...
or as nerds everywhere call them...
....."Dream women"!
Ooh... here we have spider contacts...  
Now these are actually kinda cool.

But less cool would be.....

These massive spider webs of somewhere I will never vacation......
And even less cool would be......
Edible spiders???.... so freekin not o.k.! 
Seriously third world?   Pull it together. 
Grab some freekin Ramen!

But lets wrap this post up.......
I cant take it anymore...
And caution... cause this is the worst!!!!

I'm not kidding!

You were warned!

.........The spider in the ear..... 

 Thats it.... I'm pulling the plug on this abomination of a post. I hate it....and now I gotta go light a Q-tip on fire.... cause I have an ear  tickle. To sum it up the only good spider is a spider not around me...... With many apologies...... Blog ya'll later......

and happy hunting!


  1. I'm not really a big fan of spiders myself.

  2. Sorry, I had to scroll through this post really fast cause I hate spiders so much.


  3. i think i saw that last picture in the docudrama "when Spiders attack". Kill em, em all. LOL. Great Post, thanks for sharing.

  4. Blah don't care about spiders usually but the one in the ear made me cringe. That spider lady was blah too and the spandex, well I really didn't need to see that..hahaha

  5. that last vid fucking freaked me out!

  6. This was lots of fun but you haven't convinced me you're really afraid of spiders What a coincidence; the story I posted yesterday on Chubby Chatterbox also had to do with spiders. I didn't have any cool pictures and had to create my visuals with words. Check it out.

  7. I don't mind spiders but then we don't have the dangerous type over here...but the wife is petrified of them.

  8. *making a mental note to never again read your blog anywhere remotely near bedtime*

  9. Okay, this is the first post I haven't read all the way through. I can't take spiders. One at a time, fine, but this glut of pictures of phalanxes of spiders makes me want to vomit while praying I don't vomit a coven of spiders. I'll be back next time...when there's 95% fewer spiders.

  10. Lol, I don't like spiders very much - but they also don't freak me out in a crazy way. I've had an ant crawling on my eardrum which was bad - so I would rather do without the ear spider!

  11. Man I hate spiders! This post gave me the heebie jeebies!

  12. I freaking hate spiders! Not kidding. My daughters boyfriend BREEDS THEM! Again not kidding. I told her she better not bring any spiders home because I swear I will kill them. Her boyfriend informed me he can sell one of her spiders for over 100 bucks. I told him unless he wants me to kill it he better never show it to me. Sicko.

  13. Great. Now I've got those damn spider slippers in my head. ACK!


  14. Did You know IRENE marked CYPEN?
    you know who CYPEN is, don't you?
    That's SEAN PENN.
    What is SEAN PENN getting marked for?
    She's a THICUL with MICULL- HYCCO?
    And now there's a MANOLITO?
    And it's all about TOBALSE?
    This is ROKST and STEVE HARPER?

  15. right
    bird stink eye
    that's YOUR NEXT post title!!!

  16. right "BIRD STINK EYE" will be the title of your NEXT post!
    I dare you

  17. where can I get me those spider slippers?
    I actually have two spiders on my ceiling, I can't make myself killed them, they are good and they eat mosquitos, I even gave them names - Sergei and Andrei :)

  18. We have brown recluses here. If you get bitten by one there's a good chance you'll need plastic surgery afterwards. You and Annie at The Day After Yesterday should get together. She did a whole series on taxidermied pets. Also fodder for sweet dreams.

    A post on puppies next time please.:)

  19. Yeah, I remember this post of yours, Steve. And I still hate it. Those spiders freak me out. I once went to some Greek island and in the middle ofthe night my then girlfriend said the ceiling seemed to be moving. Guess what.... hundreds of spiders right above our bed. That freaked me out. And I killed nearly every single one of them.

  20. Dude. Beyond nasty. My sister has this thing called the Bug-Zooka that she uses to suck up spiders. I'm guessing they wouldn't really be all that effective against those monstrous fucking tarantulas unless they actually used live ordnance.