Saturday, April 28, 2012

The Weirdest Jewelry Ever- With Pictures To Prove It

Welcome back everybody...
We are gonna do something a little different today...
We are gonna do a post... 
... for a select group of my readers...
And no!!!


Its not for that strange group of..
  "perverted blind offenders" who read each week!! 
You sickos are still NEVER getting a post!!


No.... Im talking about my lady readers!
This ones for you!!!


Now... first allow me to explain...
Today is my girlfriends birthday...
And I need some advice...


You see I just spent all week "Shopping for girly gifts.."
And as you know...
That kinda shopping can be exhausting....


As this guy...
"who spent way to much time at the Cinnabon"... knows!


And what she wants this year is...
 "some fun jewelry"??


"What the hell does that even mean?" I asked myself...


Cause to me a Tetris ring is fun?
But she disagreed... last Valentines Day??


But whatever...
Now... here's where you all come in....


Below are pictures of all the "fun jewelry" I found...
And Im asking you...
 To help me pick which ones I should get ..
Get it?
O.K.??
Ready???
Here we go...


Warning- (as always) its gonna get weird!!!




Now first off .... as I shopped...
I came across...
... Animal Jewelry....


Like this octopus ring..


And this snail ring?


I even found a place that would make jewelry out of...


Your old animals???
Which I'm not sure she would like....


Oh and speaking of animal jewelry....


I found this Human Centipede chain...
which I deem "The saddest animal ever!!


Man that chain bummed me out...
It reminded me of that really TERRIBLE playground...
The one I went to when I was young....


This one...
Man I hated that park!!


But I digress....
Lets get back to "fun jewelry"...


Oh ya..
Next I found some "food jewelry"!!


Like this Sushi ring.


And these "Pro-cholesterol" rings!
Delicious!!


So I stopped at Cinnabon and shopped on....


And found some earrings perfect for a more...


Rural diet?


But then I thought... food and jewelry???
Im not so sure.. 
It could lead her down a path..
towards becoming THAT girl....
You know the one...


That wears an edible wedding dress on her big day!!

And by the way who do you invite to eat that dress after the ceremomy anyway?
Uncles and cousins??
The horror!


So I shopped on.
And boy did I find "fun jewelry"!


I found rings that doubled as...


Personal protection!!


And earrings that...


Nerds would freak out for!!!
Seriously!!!
I even found a set of rings....


I would love!!!
I found laser rings.....


Like this one!




Which passing drivers often refer to as...
 "Incredibly distracting!!!


And then you know what...
It hit me!
 I was actually having fun!!
So I started to "test-drive" the rings myself....


Sure they had to cut off a couple...
But whatever!!!
"It must have been all that Cinnabon frosting"... I told the clerk?


Whatever....
"What about a watch".... I next thought?
 And.... Man.... did I ever find the perfect watch!!!
 But only if she was say.....


..."going away" for 7 to 10 years?


"I'll save that one for some other birthday" I told myself.


Now...
Of course I found some less successful stuff too...
"Not every piece is a home run...stupid!" the guy in the van told me!
Which...
I guess made sense?


Like "pimple ring".


Or wedding ring brass knuckles????
These just aren't for everyone.


Oh and speaking of wedding rings?
Did you know they make an "un-engagement ring" these days???


Well they do!!!
Its this one....




Which would totally work!!!!


But back to "fun jewelry"...




I stumbled onto a new trend!!
.... of parents getting rings made for them....


...out of their kids dental impressions?
Is that fun... or just creepy?


I discovered "living jewelry"??




Perfect for "the vegan on the go"!!


And even other rings that.... 


Promoted greenery a different way???


I found rings for people....
on a budget....


And I even found an artist who takes photos of YOU...
 and then incorporates the shot... but into a ring???


Im leaning towards a beach scene?


And...thats it...
Well... let me know what you all think...
Personally... Im kinda leaning towards these earrings...




The ones from Cinnabon!!!
Uh..... delicious?!




Anyways...
Too many options...I think?
Let me know....
My relationship depends on it...


And..


Blog ya'll later.

25 comments:

  1. Since this post was designed for the gals (only old farts like me still use this term) I'll refrain from commenting on this one. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  2. All I can say is, Go Cinnabon!!! Would love a cinnamon roll from them right now!

    And by the way, great collection of terrible jewellery lol... I think these pictures define "weird jewellery" and if you want "fun jewellery" then just go with something sparkly. But I think you already know that ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anyone who wears any of that has real issues I'd say. A parrot head, really? geez.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I always go for Pandora charms, but clearly there is way cooler shit out there!

    ReplyDelete
  5. When the fashion and art worlds collide, truly horrifying and wonderful things usually emerge. But mostly horrifying.

    ReplyDelete
  6. As a girl, I can say that the the personal protection ring is the most "fun jewelry" in your list. Go. Get her that!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I SO want those trekkie earrings, seriously would love them.
    But that's just me.

    Those are some very funny (and very odd) items you found there, but I am going to give you some proper advice. Don't ask a bunch of women who don't know your gf to help pick a present, we all have taste as individual as she does, and we don't know her.
    If you're serious about needing help ask her friends.

    Preferably one that won't let on that she helped you then you might get extra brownie points for picking the exact thing she really wants.

    ps. Whatever, not the cinnamon bun ones. Is is just the way my mind works or does that look like a 'something about mary' moment just hit her in the ear ?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I really love the gun ring and the light up ring. You can use the light up ring as laser sights. I would have to choose the gun one though, the personal protection of it makes it rank high.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hilarious as always. I don't get what's wrong with the Cinnabon earrings, though. What is it? Looks like cauliflower ear, is that it? The glaze looks reasonable, it can't be that.
    The parakeet necklace is my favorite. I bet my taxidermy bulldog necklace would be too heavy. Maybe I'll make it a belt.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello there :)

    I have a special request if you're interested. I've made a birthday blog for a friend of mine - and I'm hoping everyone will stop by for a visit and help make it a success. Here's the link if it's something you feel like doing.

    http://bestexoticmarigoldhotel.blogspot.in/

    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm a guy and I love the personal protection ring!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Someone needs to take that gun ring and shoot the designers of the other rings! Wow!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wanted to tell you about this post, but it seems you've already found it. It's not necessarily your kind of rings, now is it? :))

      Delete
  13. Those cinnabon earrings oddly resemble something else... some white gooey substance!

    If she really wanted some "fun" jewelry, you could always give her a pearl necklace! lmao!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fun thing about that is that if she loses it, it can easily be replaced!

      Delete
  14. Those brass knuckle wedding rings? Must be for old-school Mormons.
    My term for the mall: Guy Hell.

    ReplyDelete
  15. OMG OMG living plant accesories... I think I just died and went to heaven!

    ReplyDelete
  16. oh my! idk if i even have a comment for this! mr workingdans comment kinda ruined it all for me! so you can thank him!

    i think i would go for the wedding ring brass knuckles just so i can have 4 diamond rings!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Those are all awesome. I am know thinking about getting some for my fiance for our wedding. I especially like the Piranha Plant earrings. I am a big fan of Mario.

    ReplyDelete
  18. AWW! No post for us? How mean!

    But I like your blog.
    Following, in case you didn't notice.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm with Powedered Toast Man. Shout out to my homey Mario! Holla! I think you'll be safe with any of those, minus the pimple ring. Oy!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I wouldn't masturbate with the gun ring... Things could end badly.

    ReplyDelete
  21. what people could think of... unbelievably, limitless... this is really a hilarious compilation, i'm always looking forward for the next pic... lol. Yahweh bless.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Steve, here's a confession: I'd love to see my girlfriend wearing those Vulcan earrings...

    ReplyDelete