Monday, April 23, 2012

The Worst of BBQing!!

So my girlfriend and I got a puppy this weekend.
This little future nightmare...




So I guess I should get ready to write the...
 "Expensive Things My Little Demon Dog Ate Post"


However... he is too young to pick up till next week...
So that post will have to wait....


Till then.... here's a BBQ related post... 
Cause here in Portland...
 The weather is extremely nice..
And well... I got my barbecue on this weekend!


Just NOT at all like how this guy did!!


Whatever....
You see...  up here in the Pacific Northwest....
We often have long winters....
And don't get a chance to BBQ as often as we should...
Well for me I hadn't "cued" in a while....
And I could tell that my barbecue had grown..... well...


Angry!!?


So I decided it was time to fire him up...
And so I did...
Now.... sure at first a neglected BBQ.....




Can make you freekin pay!!
Man I hate that!!

But I adapted....
I've just learned to grill from a.... 


Safer distance.


But this post isn't about me...
Its about all BBQ-ers .... everywhere....
Cause BBQ is huge... country wide..


Its nearly a religion in some parts of the country....
Parts of the country where they even set up.....


Meat Nativity's???
Just to commemorate the start of BBQ season???
Huh??


Anyways...
You see... for some...
 BBQ is a way of living..
You just "have to cue"....
In fact it doesn't even matter what you cook ON....




From chairs....


To bikes....




To way up on top of your car...
 in some strange "power-trip" kinda cooking?.....




Now wait...
 Before you start to say...
 "Those are just places that rednecks cook up their tasty vittles"...
I happen to know that.....


"Cocky Porche owners" do it too!!!


But enough of that...
BBQing is really about the FOOD!
And it shouldn't matter what you cook..
Cause a good BBQ chef... er... "meat flipper"...
 Can make anything taste good...


I strongly disagree... with the "anything"...
But that's just one man's opinion?
Come on Arkansas!! 

Lets move on...
Now... how does one "become a great BBQ chef"? 

Well...
"Just cook up what you like... but while drinking... dummy!" 
....one professional BBQ-er I interviewed told me....

So that's all I do..
Myself I enjoy grinding up my own burger patties..

But using my meat gun!!


This one!!
Also available in shotgun form...
which 9 out of 10  cooks reviewed as "Regrettably messy!!"


It doesn't matter..
 Its BBQ..
Its outdoors..
In nature....
Its hopefully with friends and the neighbors "you hate the least"!




Have fun with it!
Nerds included!!




And enjoy...
Now.... while on the subject...
And as I leave you today I do have a couple warnings...


First off... when BBQ-ing....


Don"t do this!!!
Pretty simple!
And...
Then when getting your drink on at "the cue"..


Hopefully using something like this...
Which I am totally gonna make next weekend...


Don't get too too DRUNK....
Cause if you do....
And sometimes we all do...
And your like me...
 And you like to "Amuse your friends!!"
Well you might end up being the guy that....


Puts fireworks in his mouth....


So.... DON'T be the guy that puts fireworks in his mouth!!!
O.K.??
Cause you'll regret it!!
And that's it...
 Enjoy your BBQ everybody!!!
Oh and by the way...


Blog ya'll later.



22 comments:

  1. Ah yes... the most revered time of year next to football season here in the drrty south. I can't wait to fire up my bbq this weekend, hopefully without the use of electrical cords inside my pool (kiddie pool). I'm not fancy enough to have one of those fancy above ground contraptions!

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  2. I've already "cued" it up at least 30 times this year! I am a bbq master!

    I need one of those bikes... meals on wheels! I could take my awesomeness on the road and make some money!

    ....and now I'm hungry!

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  3. this is why me is a vegetarian :)

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  4. 1. A post about visiting the dentist.
    2. A post about a pap smear.
    3. A post about a very heavy period I once had.
    4. A post about picking my nose.
    5. A post about running out of toilet paper after a particularly runny poo.
    6. A post about people who make notes for future posts in my comments.

    ...just returning the favour.
    Feel free to steal away.

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  5. Great.... now I'm just hungry..... And the weather is actually good enough around here to do more BBQing! God bless this non-wet are

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  6. I don't know whether I'd rather cook sausages on a rake or on my laptop.

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  7. I live in Portland, Oregon, as you probably know and yesterday I fired up my grill. I must say that love your blog as I do, I'm glad I didn't see some of these images before I lit my flames. Have a great week.

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  8. So many questions. So many quandaries. Is it okay to eat the meat Jesus? And if so, just how blasphemous would it be to make a second coming joke? The water melon thing is great, but a sure way to a blackout when you eat the inside after finishing the contents. And if that's what sheep dingus looks like, those lady sheep must live a life of quiet sexual discontent.
    On that note, congrats on the puppy, enjoy.

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  9. LOL that is creative to use LOL, take whichever LOL you wish for yourself LOL, look there is a whole bunch...haha....stacking all that on top ones car takes skill too.

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    1. Plus it's another reason why a car beats hiking. All we need are seat belts that prevent us from falling off that roof.

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  10. That rake idea seems pretty damned awesome to be honest... as does the watermelon with a tapper. Is it just me or do the guys in the pool actually deserve to win the Darwin Award?

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  11. Mmmmm, can't pass me up some tasty sheep penis!

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  12. I'm now hungry and want to barbecue...in the rain!!!!!

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  13. Hey, don't knock sheep's penis. It's not baddddddddddddddd.
    Okay, predictable joke there.
    No fireworks in the mouth??? NOW you tell me.
    I'm getting pretty damn tired of putting all my meals in the blender after that unfortunate M-80 incident.
    When I first saw BBQ and a picture of a dog, I got a little worried.
    This weekend (ok, this is actually true), very good friends of ours visited along with their new puppy. Their kids are older than ours and they are now empty-nesters (we'll be so this fall).
    Anyway, the woman says, "You'll need a puppy. They're so cute and help fill the empty space."
    "Yes," I agreed, "he's very cute." He really is.
    Then, I saw him chewing on my sandals.
    This was just before, "Oh, he left a little poopie in your dining room."
    At that moment, I decided that, when my dog goes off to Doggie Heaven in about six years, that will be the last pet in the Penwasser household.
    We'll just have to fill the void with sex (play on words there. Get it?).
    Or writing.
    Probably writing.

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  14. steve
    that RAKE "fork" is a cracker of an idea... i am off to patient it

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  15. I loved BBQ before this post, dammit!

    Actually, I still love it now. But I'll pass on the sheep penis.

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  16. Hmmm somehow I missed noticing your post coming out! Great one as always - I'm not into BBQ so it was more funny than appetizing! Your puppy is adorable! I hope you post more pictures of it later on...

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  17. I regrettably don't have my own place nor my own 'cue. My goal own day is to be a professional 'cuer and make my fellow man proud.

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  18. The meat manger is an instant party classic. Do my eyes deceive me, or is Baby Jesus a Lil' Smokie? Genius.

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  19. Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving feedback. I REALLY appreciate it!

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