The Worst of BBQing!!

So my girlfriend and I got a puppy this weekend.
This little future nightmare...

So I guess I should get ready to write the...
 "Expensive Things My Little Demon Dog Ate Post"


However... he is too young to pick up till next week...
So that post will have to wait....


Till then.... here's a BBQ related post... 
Cause here in Portland...
 The weather is extremely nice..
And well... I got my barbecue on this weekend!

Just NOT at all like how this guy did!!

Whatever....
You see...  up here in the Pacific Northwest....
We often have long winters....
And don't get a chance to BBQ as often as we should...
Well for me I hadn't "cued" in a while....
And I could tell that my barbecue had grown..... well...

Angry!!?

So I decided it was time to fire him up...
And so I did...
Now.... sure at first a neglected BBQ.....

Can make you freekin pay!!
Man I hate that!!

But I adapted....
I've just learned to grill from a.... 

Safer distance.

But this post isn't about me...
Its about all BBQ-ers .... everywhere....
Cause BBQ is huge... country wide..


Its nearly a religion in some parts of the country....
Parts of the country where they even set up.....

Meat Nativity's???
Just to commemorate the start of BBQ season???
Huh??

Anyways...
You see... for some...
 BBQ is a way of living..
You just "have to cue"....
In fact it doesn't even matter what you cook ON....

From chairs....

To bikes....

To way up on top of your car...
 in some strange "power-trip" kinda cooking?.....

Now wait...
 Before you start to say...
 "Those are just places that rednecks cook up their tasty vittles"...
I happen to know that.....

"Cocky Porche owners" do it too!!!

But enough of that...
BBQing is really about the FOOD!
And it shouldn't matter what you cook..
Cause a good BBQ chef... er... "meat flipper"...
 Can make anything taste good...

I strongly disagree... with the "anything"...
But that's just one man's opinion?
Come on Arkansas!! 

Lets move on...

Now... how does one "become a great BBQ chef"? 

Well...

"Just cook up what you like... but while drinking... dummy!" 

....one professional BBQ-er I interviewed told me....

So that's all I do..

Myself I enjoy grinding up my own burger patties..

But using my meat gun!!

This one!!
Also available in shotgun form...
which 9 out of 10  cooks reviewed as "Regrettably messy!!"

It doesn't matter..
 Its BBQ..
Its outdoors..
In nature....
Its hopefully with friends and the neighbors "you hate the least"!

Have fun with it!
Nerds included!!

And enjoy...
Now.... while on the subject...
And as I leave you today I do have a couple warnings...


First off... when BBQ-ing....

Don"t do this!!!
Pretty simple!

And...
Then when getting your drink on at "the cue"..

Hopefully using something like this...
Which I am totally gonna make next weekend...

Don't get too too DRUNK....
Cause if you do....
And sometimes we all do...
And your like me...
 And you like to "Amuse your friends!!"
Well you might end up being the guy that....

Puts fireworks in his mouth....

So.... DON'T be the guy that puts fireworks in his mouth!!!
O.K.??
Cause you'll regret it!!
And that's it...
 Enjoy your BBQ everybody!!!
Oh and by the way...

Blog ya'll later.