#11 of 14.... Readers allow me to date you!

As we continue my list of favorite "therapy inspiring" posts...
Here's my #11 favorite. 
A post where you and I date?
Sound weird?
Well I guess it kinda is?
Anyways here ya go....


The If I Could Date My Readers Post


Welcome back to the blog everybody...
For todays post.... 
Lets all slip into something a little more comfortable...shall we?

Um...
Maybe not quite THAT comfortable readers!!!

Anyways...
 Lets dim some lights and put on some mood music.... 
Cause its about to get all "romantical" up in here. 


Now.... I feel like I must say...
 I more than just appreciate my readers here. 
In fact I feel a much deeper (and more physical) connection to you all. 




And since its impossible to date all of you.... wherever you are...
 I thought I could walk you through how our date would go...
....if we could date..... 
Right here..... 
Right now!
 Ready?
O.k.


 First let me splash on some of my.....

Khloe and Lamar unisex perfume???
Which is designed to attract only the HAIRIEST reality show Bigfoots.... 

Seriously..... 
Like the last time I splashed on some of that stanky cologne....
I met this fine lady who goes by the name of.....

Sarah the Yeti!!!

Yikes!!
Lets just scroll down past that shall we!!












Keep going....










O.K.
Were safe...
Back to the date...


Now for the sake of this post...
Lets say you agreed to lift the restraining order and let me date you.
Well.... then...


First off I would come over to pick you up in.....

My Star Wars car...

Man would you be so impressed!!!


And I would bring you gifts.
But I wouldn't bring flowers to your door...
No way!!
I'm more of a "bring chocolates" kinda guy...
But I bring em....

My kinda way!!!

Anyways.... after I cleaned myself up...
 And probably some chocolate off your front porch...
We would go to dinner!

Now we wouldn't go to a restaurant!!
No I'm more of a picnic kinda guy...


And I specialize in "creative picnic dates"..
For example... if you are someone who loves the water...

Well I set up a special picnic table just for us!!!

Or maybe you are more an "inner city" person....

Well that ones just easy!!!

Or once.... I dated this super smart person...
Which had me stumped for a bit....

Until I figured out the perfect table!!!

But always my favorite...
Is dating one of those danger seekers...
A true adrenaline junkie!!!
Well just wait till you go on my....

Pyramid Picnic Date!!!!

Impressed yet??
If not you will be..
Cause next we will sit at our table and have a nice meal...

Probably this Yoda Lunchables I typically pack!

And the sparks would fly!!!!
Now before you knew it...
 We would be  "connecting"!
That's when I would make my move!

You would so love it!!!

Or...
 If your lucky...
Really lucky!
I might pull out my "home-run move"!!!!

The "ALL the toes suck!!"

Feeling it?
I know!
Now from here Im unsure how our date would go...
I guess it could go a number of different ways...


But allow me to offer up what I WOULD LIKE TO SEE happen...


First off we would become passionate...
Really passionate!
And hopefully..... before you even knew it...
I would do....
My other "signature move"....
The "Let me slip out of these clothes fast" move...

Side note daters- That's why you always bring your break away pants!!!!

And we would find each other irresistible...
Crazy sexy staring into each others eyes!!!


Even I would begin to wonder why....
Why.... have I never been this into anyone before...




And then it would happen...
It would become soooo clear!!!!!


You see sitting there naked next to you...
 In all my hairy glory.....
Sharing an almost "uncomfortably musky" attraction....

I would realize YOU were wearing that stanky Khloe and Lamar unisex cologne too....
And it had attracted ME!!!!!

But wait.... does that mean I'm a hairy Bigfoot too???
Man!!!
Oh well...
I guess.....
We were just meant for each other!!!!


And that's it...
It would be a really great date.... the way I envision it...


But... if you still arent totally sold...
Allow me to share with you a couple reviews of some of my past dates..


Cindy from San Diego said.....

"I basicaslly just threw up in my mouth...
 over and over for 3 hours!"

And Carly from Dallas said....

"I have never wanted to punch a persons face more!!!"

And Bridgette from "she wouldn't tell me where" said....

"Extremely painful... 
Our stupid picnic table pyramid collapsed. 
It was a nightmare!!! Who does that!!! "

And finally... Helga from here in Portland said....

 "I cant wait for next time!" and
"It was magic!!"

Uh........ 
Well I guess some mixed reviews? 
But whatever..... until next time...... 
Date ya'll... er... 
Blog ya'll later!