Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Top 10 things not to do in an interview

10. Be late. punctuality is important people.  As you can see this list is serious.

9. Play practical jokes....Its true people like to hire people with good fun personalities but leave the whoopie cushion at home....  see also magic tricks, knock knock jokes and card games

8. Wear something really provocative....this almost didn't make the list because this clearly helps certain interviews like "exotic"dancers or interns or Hooters servers or reality tv stars or weatherpeople or according to Halloween.... nuns and nurses...

7. Bring food to eat while interviewing. Its just difficult to pull off cleanly. Chomping on ribs while meeting the board members isn't easy... the business handshakes can get messy... now if you can do it without saucing anybody I say you deserve the job.... Side note: This is thoroughly encouraged in the sumo field.

6. Get arrested during your interview (or served papers)......um....this kinda just makes sense. If this does happen....well.....I guess offer "to be available in 3 to 7 years". Actually don't go quietly. I bet holding your interviewer hostage would be a great way to really get to know them.

5. Hitting on the receptionist... Especially if you are interviewing directly with the boss. Just remember this fact. The higher the position = the higher the chance the boss is already privately interviewing that receptionist... over and over....if you know what I mean..... and wont appreciate the competition.

4. Forgetting to take your terrets medicine....because Why would I be good for this job?..."Cause I would %$#$* the $%%#4*& out of it, you %*&^&@ monkey %$**&^!!!!!" 

3. Dry humping your interviewer....seems obvious.... but Arkansas still exists....Side note if your interviewer is actually into this ....bonus points for pulling the sweep everything off the desk move......

2. Leave your phone on. Nothing spoils a good interview and all your hard work getting yourself to seem professional like a "I like big butts..." ringtone. 
And definitely don't answer it....nobody likes the finger out..I'm on the phone move...

1.Send someone else in your place....unless you dont ever have to work with the interviewer ...and you know you are a pretty horribly unappealing person....well then its just genius.

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