Saturday, May 7, 2011

Top 10 places to meet girls in Portland Part 1

So here it is.. all you guys sitting at home yet again... watching America's Next Top Model in slow- mo. This post is for you. The best place in Portland to meet women. Now I realize as I type, certain ladies in my life are probably filing their fingernails down into little man daggers....  but                                                            whatever... lets get started. 

First off....the Portland woman is a special creature.... different from other ladies. A little more hard core, a little more wild, a little more opinionated, and often times a little more into other women (but not much we can do about that)... Anyways. After years of studying their migration habbits I have compiled a list. Here's your top 10 spots to meet em.

10. Nw 23rd.... good shopping, good coffee shops and tasty places for lunch. Its the kinda street where you could find the absolute perfect centerpiece thing to crowd your dinner I mean to add beauty to your dinner table.. & when the sun comes out.. look out.. cause theirs a weird power in those non-fat non-whip half-caf frappucinos the ladies are powering down on 23rd.. makes em absolutely have to smell every candle in every store. And if you play your cards right & smell nice... maybe you.

9. 80's night at the Crystal Ballroom..... Nearly every Friday night after 9PM the ladies come out..... in full 80's attire. Sideways pony tails, leg warmers, cone bras..... and all they want is to dance to Thriller or Duran Duran.... and maybe just maybe bring home their own douchy Don Johnson look-a-like or George Michaels. Now this may not be entirely factual but I bet through the years...80's night has led to more bad decisions and one night stands than anything else in town. Want proof.... um.... take a look at all the liitle baby Meatloafs, Bon Jovi's and Boy George's enrolling in preschool these days.

8. Saturday market...  downtown on 2nd and about Burnside every Saturday is Portlands own treasure trove of future street people and or I guess current street people. It truly can be a fun way to spend the afternoon .... and yes there are some cute ladies there. Two ways to pick them up I'm told. 1. Set up a bunch of pots and pans and bang on them like you know how to drum... The hippie girls will come twirling your way like you are the Pied Piper. or 2. Tell them your place has a roof... they'll be all yours.

7. The naked bike ride.... happens just once a year.... but if their was ever a time to impress. Heres a tip.... always bike next to the "coldest" couple guys.... the ladies will notice.... just sayin.

6. The community vegetable gardens in NE . Here is where you can find your sexy vegans.... nibbling on leaves and roots.... but be careful to approach slowly or you may scare them off. My technique is to grab a few weeds or maybe a little tofu and feed them out of the palm of my hand.  You'll know she's interested when she rubs up against you. 

This reminds me of my favorite vegan joke. "How can you tell if their is a vegan at the dinner table?" .......... Don't worry they will LET YOU KNOW!!!

So thats it for today.... The next five coming soon........... Hope that helps guys.  Blog ya'll later.....


  1. I must say that the idea about the naked ride is an innovative one. It will surely be a hot date with least pressure if one can pull it off after asking out in such a location. I must say that I am more into the technological way to find dates via websites like MeetOutside dating site in Portland USA as I am far off from being such an outright person as is required in some of the mentioned ways. It has become easier as in recent times dates sites are offering free services.

    All in all to make any way work, one has to try themselves.