Friday, June 24, 2011

The Jeans Post

Here we go... just the other day..... I was reading on the computer how a friend of mine decided it was time to toss out her old skinny jeans. She had outgrown them. .... so I made a "Are you trading them in for some mom jeans" joke ...  and.....Man! Apparently everyone....that is not a joke  most ladies appreciate.... Who knew? Even though... technically she was a lady.... and a mom... and they are made of denim. I guess that just doesn't matter. 

Well... It got me thinking.  In light of this new information... I should probably scrap my retirement plan of inventing Grandma Jeans.... You know for when everything sags even more and you want your jeans even higher.. Side note. Love ya Grandma! I'm so glad you're a frequent reader! Disregard this part.

And based on the reaction Mom Jeans got...I am gonna put them right up there with the word MOIST.... nearly equal in terms of female hatred. So what I have done....... after much reflection on the topic, and a snack that in truth was good but overly moist, is put together a worst jeans I could find on the internet post....... and ladies... there's gonna be some Mom Jeans.....bad ones...  but don't worry! They aren't close to how bad jeans can get. Enjoy!

But lets start with the mom jeans. SNL celebrated the denim choice of moms everywhere with a funny ad! Tina Fey pulled them off !

And "singer?" Jessica Simpson celebrated them also. ... wait I don't think she's a mom!
But this post is more than just mom jeans... There are plenty other bad jeans out there? For example....

Notice how the eyes always follow you. Like a poor mans Mona Lisa..... or someone sitting in a tree outside your bedroom window. These just aren't very attractive jeans... right?

And then these jeans never fail to get a reaction. Like the "Get the hell out of my house with these....ass".... my lady friend told me.... with tears.... when she opened them up on her birthday. 

Um... what else...The acid washed jeans thing... Don't lie.... If you wore jeans in the 80's.... you had some. Not particularly a good style.
This guy attempted to acid wash his own jeans...... poorly. Or ... maybe he's just a crotch sweater...You know if you take one thing away from this post.... Don't be a crotch sweater.... I'm sorry about this one... moving on

Stripper Jeans

Brian and the gang invented Danger Jeans!! And to me....  much worse than Mom Jeans ever were.


 Brian and the gang would all later regret sleeping with Stephanie.

Here's one of my favorites...... Thank you Walmart
Be honest... we have all been here.... on laundry day.... and you need to go out... and you borrow your 12 year old sisters jeans...

Now for those of you that know me......1.) I promise to replace the beer next time I come over... and 2.) You may know of my true hatred for mens jeans shorts..... Why you ask? Allow me to show you what your "cool" looking jeans shorts really make you look like.

This guy
I do however fully condone Jeanderpants.... these exist by the way. That's right jean underwear....My sources (who usually go commando) tried these and reviewed them as "chaffing"

Is anyone else feeling like this post is spinning wildly out of control..... down a very tasteless and tacky road. Ya me too...... so allow us to continue....

Ripped Jeans
Extremely unnecessarily tight jeans.....

Dog jeans....
Bad Genes

Worse genes
Jean shoes... hey I'm legally required to have one photo that isn't completely offensive. What to say?.. um. Crazy Aunts everywhere just started sewing these for Christmas gifts.
Jeans guy...
Jeans chaps... My favorite part of this photo is she is on an escalator... so clearly she's in public.   Very classy!!!

alright...... lets put this post out of its misery. Here ya go. The worst jeans I could find on the internet.....

The moist kind!

Blog ya'll later


  1. Jeanderpants? Say it ain't so!

    And never, ever use the M word again, please and thanks. I'm happy to see I'm not the only one who HATES it!

  2. Whoa whoa whoa, wait a min, you're going to fast, now let us all have another look at those stripper jeans shall we.

  3. Hilarious! Great job! I was laughing the whole time.

  4. I'm so glad you used the correct term for "assless jeans". There was a big argument last winter among my friends about whether "assless jeans" was a real term. They're just chaps, people.

    Just found you over on If I Were God. I like this. I'm putting it on my Website of the Week Button on my site tomorrow. And I'm subscribing with Google Reader.

  5. @Tricia... I vow to retire the M word... maybe?
    @Blaq Mind....Ha... I like to think she classes up the whole post.
    @Tyler.... Thanks! My secret is heavy medication.
    @Fred.... Thanks! What site are you putting this on? Also..I appreciate any help spreading the word.... also may you always look good in any assless chaps!

  6. 4 categories: 1. best jeans 2. worst jeans 3. best "genes" 4. worst "genes"

  7. I made an error when I typed my url onto my name link on my last comment. I'll try to get it right this time. My site is