Tuesday, June 14, 2011

an updating of the top 10 people not to date post

I thought I would repost this for a friend of mine who is back out in the dating world after quite some time. And we all know...the dating scene has changed. You need to be a bit more careful these days. In fact... I recommend never leaving the house on any date without a taser and a bonesaw.... and then there's the whole on-line dating. A service that lets you pick who you want to date by checking boxes of what you want in a mate......and whammo the dating supercomputer spits out who you are compatible with? Genius!!! 

But may I suggest a few more characteristics to check.... the actually important ones.... like .... does he snore, does she cry after sex...or I guess him as well, is he gassy, is her laugh obnoxious,  would he kick my dog.  Stuff like that. I think that would be way more helpful. Anyways here's the top 10 people not to date post....

10. Anyone with a lock on the outside of their bedroom door..... doubly if their room is soundproof!!! 
9. Don't date a Senator with multiple attractive interns. Doesn't last.. & you may get "revealing" text messages.

8. Gertrude "yeasty" Anderson....just trust me on this one

7. Anyone who works at the center for infectious disease...Nobody likes to date someone who brings their work home with them.........

6.A Mormon salesperson "always on the road"...can you say you are wife number 4? On the plus side... you always have plenty of "you" time

5.Don't date the bad guys "lady" from any Bond movie.... she's just not gonna be around through the explosive finally....she will die looking good though...  painted in gold or oil.......

4. Dr Kevorkian...this one is specific to my older readers who are back out dating again (this was written before he died... so especially now!! R.I.P. Dr. Kevorkian.... he was so loved and survived by all his family.... that stayed very far away from him.

3.Any middle eastern dictator or terrorist  ...cause your time is running out suckas.....  this was also written before we got Bin Laden.... I guess its like my mom says."Being in your blog feels like a death sentence!

2.Don't date your relatives..... clearly....remember Arkansas its gotta be at least second cousins...even then ew!!...whatever just check the family tree before you ask her to the tractor pull....

1. And lastly that convict you have been seeing.....seriously just keep it conjugal!!

So good luck dating my friend. I hope this helps. Blog ya'll later.


  1. Come on man, I keep a lock on the outside of my door eh. I'm just renting the place. lol

  2. Fair enough.... I guess. You would be off the hook.... if it wasn't for the strong smell of chloroform coming from underneath your door!! ha