Friday, July 8, 2011

Fear #2 Spiders

Alright so my second fear is spiders. Pretty common. Im sure most of you feel the same. They are small... blood thirsty...  poisonous....and catch pray with elaborate nets... er... webs. They are such crafty little predators...  the Japanese are actually studying them for crowd control technology. Genius! Hey Detroit.... get on it now..... before we only have the Pontiac's of net shooters!

 But all my research I have yet to find anyone who really likes spiders... except maybe the producers of that old show Fear Factor....

Damn you Fear Factor! Ruining failed actors television dreams every week it was ever on!

 So... can you blame me. I fear them. Ever since I was young and watched that scene from that  Disney Movie... Something Wicked This Way Comes.... A horror children's film, Disney decided to green light, full of spiders attacking children, carnies stealing peoples minds and freeks on parade WTF Disney? What a great film! But as you can see, its just more proof, fear is great for business and ticket sales.... I guess its like my good friend Tom Cruise ( who taught me not to name drop)... put it... "If you could ever write a horror movie involving penguins... you would have the next Titanic!"

But back to spiders and me. I am fairly certain spiders everywhere hate me. Why? Cause I have  smashed a lot of them... a lot!! With various things. Like my girlfriends shoe... or her hairbrush.. or her computer... or my favorite ...her hand (when she's sleeping of course.. Im not a monster!)  Man I miss  her. Honey if you are reading this. Congrats on the new laptop & please come home!

All that said.... Spiders are basically pure evil. I just know they are.... & I have a gut feeling they are planning something. In fact my sources confirm they were behind the Phoenix dust storms.. or as insiders call them the Phoenix Spider Swarms of 2011.... Terrifying! 

Side alert Tuscon. They're headed your way!

Anyways... lets get to it. Horrible spider pictures. I hate this blog sometimes. but here you go.... 

Fear #2 spiders  

Spider... Actually black widow spider ... nest!
Spider. Great! They eat birds now!

Small spiders... getting inside your car door.  Lovely!

Big desert spiders. Just one more reason Iran blows!

And then airport parking lot spiders. Its like I've always said..." do whatever you can to avoid long term parking!"

Man....I hate this post. .... I wish I could stop it.... but then we would all miss the horrible finish. Which I promise will have an impact.... so...I guess... more spider related crap.

Spider shoes are hot...  right hookers?... er... lady entrepreneurs who make them pop!

And then face tattoos. which are all over the internet. Even spider ones. Now I for one love these inkings .. or as I call them... 
 Crazy People Markers!

Then there are horny spiders...or as nerds call them
.....future bedroom wallpaper!
and spider contacts...  now these are actually kinda cool.

then these massive spider   less cool!
And then edible spiders.... so not cool! Seriously third world?   Pull it together. Grab some freekin Ramen!

Now this....... caution this is the worst!!!!

I'm not kidding!

You were warned!

.........The spider in the ear..... 

 thats it.... I'm pulling the plug on this abomination of a post. I hate it....and now I gotta go light a Q-tip on fire.... cause I have an ear  tickle. To sum it up the only good spider is a spider not around me...... With many apologies...... Blog ya'll later......

and happy hunting!


  1. OMG, a spider in the EAR! RUDE!

    We were up North last weekend and I was getting freaked out about ticks. My man suggested that they were probably burrowing in my ears laying eggs.


  2. I publicly dislike this post!

  3. Spiders are not particularly tasty bugs. I have defenestrated quite a number of them for timorous humans.

  4. I think they're kind of cute...

  5. If you put it that way, I know I'd choose any grumpy old bear over a big spider, especially the one the guy in the vid is trying to catch.

    P.S. I was about to hit my bed, Steve, as it's, well, 2:55 a.m. over here, but how in the world am I to sleep now? Thanks again!

  6. all i can say is ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but those high heels were pretty freakin cool!

  7. O M F G!
    I would have died, if that happened to me at the last pic ... hahah, spiders are soo gross :S

  8. @Tricia...Ticks in your ears? That would suck almost as much. How dare he!!
    @Patrick... Nice to see you comment on here. Been a while. Patrick is the other half of this blog.. doing pictures and webstuff... so in reference to your statement..... I publicly dislike a few of the pictures you have made of me...ass! The burger king guy and the Richard Simmons guy! Not cool jerk!
    @Gorilla Bananas... no they are not tasty at all. You cant toss em far enough away I think.
    @John Sterling... you are one sick puppy!
    @braumaman... I agree with you
    @RCB... bears vs spiders? eh..its a coin toss for me. And your welcome for the insomnia. Always glad to help!
    @The Onion Gypsy.... those high heels also come in scorpion.
    @Magixx... I agree... one must be very careful when hunting spiders.

  9. spiders my greatest fear.. I will shout like a woman when spiders crawl me or I will panic... seeing all thos spideys pic makes my hair raise and seeing those blackspiderwoman.. my pet raised.. lol.. but seriously , you made a great post of conquering fear by adding humor.. NICE ONE!

  10. Buddy of mine got bit by a brown recluse just before he went to visit his mother in Ireland. They didn't know what the wound was for like a week. I guess they don't have them in Ireland.

  11. So...just had a moment that I thought I should of my worst fears...

    I was driving to work and a spider slowly descended right in front of my face! Worst possible situation, because you can't get away from it...or you'll crash! Had to pull over as soon as I could and get it out of the car. The worst part is that I couldn't find it once I pulled it's STILL IN THERE SOMEWHERE!!!

    Dun dun dun.......