Sunday, July 10, 2011

My fear #3

All right so after bears and spiders.... my third major fear really could have been a number of different things.

 The fear of heights
Chopper....  sit...... stay..... good dog!!... now...  
Sick globe Chopper!
........ or easily my fear of ending up in an overseas prison..... 
As always damn you North Korea!!!
Although they really do put on a good show....  In fact 9 out of 10 North Korean Citysearch reviewers rated it highly... until the beheadings!

or my fear of somehow... for some unthinkable reason ....waking up  a douchebag... 
Like this guy! You know..... maybe they cant help it... and its a virus...  only spread among fellow creepy, immune to pepper spray, ...douchebags .....  In that case... well... I still don't get it. The use of lethal force is encouraged!

or maybe my growing fear of one day ending up on this webpage!!
Dear God Americans!!
Pull it together!!... back boobs? Really?
Just please don't go out looking this way. 
It's embarrassing. Seriously? Take the money you were saving for more pre-teen girl pants and invest in a mirror!
 Side note..... if you havent ever been on this website.... You should. it will make you feel much better about yourself. 

Hmm... what else... oh my fear of sharks.... 
This pretty much sucks!

or my fear that someday someone will bring me to this!
In case I haven't said this in a while.....
I hate you human centipede!

And then this... and I'm dead serious!  My fear of someone... anyone... making me go sit through anyone's graduation ceremony ever again!
That's my three hour living nightmare! .....Even actor James Franco couldn't make it through ... To be fair though... he was busy thinking of ways he could make hosting this years Oscars ... nearly un-watchable!

And.... you cant really blame him.... Graduation ceremonies are so freekin horrible. Listening to some 18 year old give a 30 minute speech on the meaning of life..... meanwhile missing the ballgame on tv... it's maddening. The only way I make it through one.... is to focus on the ridiculously massive sandwich order I'm gonna place at the Subway they work at.... when they are crazy busy..... and  preferably working alone. Screw you "sandwich artist" telling me the meaning of life!!!! Screw you! 
Even this kid didn't make it through his awake.... and the President gave the commencement speech!

but whatever. Back to fear!!!!! If I'm totally honest with myself. My number one fear in this life is.............. my fear of becoming a true lazy-ass person! I have it in me. I do. But that's for my next post to dig into.  I'm off to trim the hedges...... my way. Blog ya'll later!
Lazy?....... Or just genius?


  1. I'm glad you weren't afraid of those back boobs. They are a true wonder of nature, like a camel's hump.

  2. hahaha you haven't seen all.. how bout seeing a man wearing thongs in a mini skirt and you can see one of his hairy balls hanging.. totally gross! Love you blog....

  3. @Gorilla Bananas.... haha. Maybe not exactly like a camels hump... but maybe hers might attract a camel?
    @Jade.... wow! I admit I haven't seen that in a long while... however if I do you can be sure it will make this blog! Thanks for the love!

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  5. Hi there, Steve. Something went wrong here. Anyway, I just realized that in addition to being funny, creepy and scary, your posts can be pretty educational as well, because I've learned something new today: back boobs. I never knew they existed, but hey, there they are. Whether anyone would want to actually do something with this newly gained knowledge is of course a totally different thing...

  6. The thought of waking up as a douchebag is so fearful its paralyzing. One night you go to sleep. The next morning you wake up with a fake spray tan, spiky hair, and you call everyone bro. I'd have to kill myself immediately.

  7. You know, I never went to my own high school or college graduation ceremonies out of fear that my guests (and I) would fall asleep.

  8. back boobs are the even more frightening cousin of fupa

  9. That can't be right. Human Centipede the Musical?

  10. I can experience fear of heights lying in my own bed.

  11. @RCB.... Im glad you learned something here! Back boobs are here to stay.... in fact there's nothing I find sexier than back cleavage.
    @A beer for the Shower... I totally agree. I would off myself too.... instantly. I mean how do these guys get any woman?
    @Shanimals Crackers... I didnt go either cause I knew I would snore during the ceremony... loudly!
    @Elliot Macleod Michael... hahaha! I had to look up fupa.. and.. shame on you! That's hilarious!
    @braumaman... its true.. The musical! My favorite song is the love ballad "What I eat you eat...eventually."
    @Fred Miller.... dude you got it worse than me.... damn you vertigo!