Thursday, July 14, 2011

Part 2 ...... The Split

Here's part 2. If you didn't read the first part.... scroll down  or click on the Pros and Cons of Post cold war socialism post. 

.... So Vicky and I were on our way to a happy life when IT happened. The fight. You see this evening she had made dinner ....pancakes with toast, pasta and biscuits with bread pudding for dessert. (Nobody perfected gluten heavy cooking like her.) We then retired to the study for one of  our nightly discussions. This particular evening we planned to discuss the pros and cons of having an indoor outdoor fish and then we intended to spend hours creating brand new four letter words. It was as if our minds could heal nations. But her mind couldn't heal Haiti or even Arkansas this night. She was miles away.......

You see... she had already packed her bags... she needed something more. She felt compelled to become one of those people who understood at least half of  the New York Times crossword puzzle she said... It was time "to see the world" become more "smartish" as she put it. She wanted to understand things like why all the cool people always say " Blah blah blah.... I like their earlier stuff:"....why never the new music? 

She needed to figure out why it was socially unacceptable to throw a surprise party of one person.... and why the courts called that stalking? 

She wanted to know why being a bitch is called bridezilla and largely accepted? Can't a Singlezilla be as forgiven? 

 She wanted to experience true feelings..... like deep laughter, pure love and extreme terror. I didn't after a failed attempt to scare her with my Gary Busey mask while chasing her with a machete..... I let her go.......

Now our story wasn't done romantics....Not by a long shot..........and after what seemed like forever..... or what others call  a "three day weekend" ...I moved on. 

              Her name was Claire.....and Claire had an interesting job...she was a writer of unique fortunes for fortune cookies.......At the time we met she was working on some scary Halloween fortunes.  She had just written a new couple fortunes "You will have a FANGtastic evening" and "Your HORRORscope predicts you will hear from a ghoul friend soon" ....I recommended one....... " Thats not chicken your eating....its dog" She loved it......and there was instant chemistry. The next step was to date....but I will save that story for another day.

P.S. if you ever do get the " its dog fortune"....I'm legally bound to mention that Changs Chinese Shack never had any prior knowledge that their meat was only 70% chicken....just sayin.


  1. Fortune cookies taste worse than dog. Why can't they make chocolate chip fortune cookies instead of hard little things you want to spit out?

  2. Did Gary Busey invent the Gluten Heavy diet? It sounds like one of his brainchildren.

  3. Hahaha... 'a surprise party of one person.... and why the courts called that stalking' - that's a good one, Steve! Unfortunately, I won't be able to sleep again. Thanks for the third time I believe it is. Why? Here's why. My scariest stalker ever:

  4. Thaks RCB.... I read about your stalker... and that is weird...... and you know at least your stalker was full of diamonds? That makes it slightly better?

  5. Well, in theory I'd say yes, but you haven't seen the face. My God, Steve - that's what I'd call a nightmare-inducing face. Shaka Zulu's sister! Scary, and I mean seriously! Another ex-stalker of mine said, 'I know you want me.' I said, 'Hell no! And she said, 'Why not?' Can you believe that shit? Luckily that one was a shorty so I told he to take that stroll to oblivion. I'm still wondering if she knew what that word meant...

  6. P.S. 'he' equals 'her'. No that's not a Freudian slip...