Monday, August 8, 2011

Innappropriate Post Winner....

So the votes are in. Which inappropriate post won out..... Well I did receive more than a few verbal and Facebook votes for #1. The what I did after 3 redbulls and a double dose of Ambian post...... but..... the comments on this blog have won out. The winner is #5!!!
so Here it is............

#5 The what I noticed while staying 
exactly 50 feet 
away from my ex all day post!!

1. Here we go..... first off....  she still looks really really good.... Even after not seeing her for say 7 to 10 years she looks great!

2. I must say though....she was much harder to locate... apparently she's not in the phone book anymore, and she moved in to an unlisted house in a totally different state! 

3. Plus.....did I mention... shes also changed her looks dramatically... and wears a wig these days? I definitely noticed that ... 

(sidenote- It was nice to see though, that her underwear drawer 
was very much the same)

4. Anyways she apparently likes to start her day off running... and then she goes to a karate class and from what I could tell...  she is actually really really good. She must be a black belt. Good for her.

5. And after working up a karate size appetite she likes to grab some lunch..... and today she ordered up a caesar salad and half a turkey sandwich to eat at this local diner

6. Now personally my lunch was tasty (from my table 50 feet away) but a little heavy on the caesar dressing

7. Here's the weird thing.... mid-way through lunch.... she abruptly left after noticing something from behind me.... I wonder what it was?

8. And then when she left the restaurant she decided to go running again.... What a work-out nut!!!  She ended up at her light grey hatchback license plate 345TU5R.... and went for a drive. 

9. As I followed her in my car (from 50 feet away) I noticed she has become a terrible driver. She was swerving like hell. Darting in and out of cars. She even raced in front of a train!!! It was almost as if she was trying to get away from something. Weird?

10. And then out of nowhere she slowed down her driving... parked..... and she went in to this store "Ray-Ray's No-Wait Handgun Supply Store".....  apparently she went gun shopping. Surprising? I wouldn't have taken her for a hunter? huh?

bonus fact- I found a couple of her hairs in her car... on her drivers seat headrest when she was in the store.... and added them to my collection! Yay!

11. Anyways... then she left the store..... and she started walking my way? She didn't seem mad that I was in her car at all. She was actually waving at me and smiling!!! I knew it....she missed me!

12. And then she decided to show me her new karate moves

13. Karate kicks

14. Karate punches

15. More karate kicks

16. Even a karate headbutt.... which I didn't know was a karate move? huh? Anyways....

Side note......karate hurts!!

17. And then she showed me her taser

18. and.......being tasered hurts

19. And then I woke up in the forest...... Apparently she had brought me there because she needed help digging a big ditch.... all the while practicing more karate on me. She must have a tournament coming up... I can so....tell she loves me!!!!

20. And finally she asked me to type this list on the computer. All the stuff I have done today and if I think I could ever leave her alone... which so you know...... "I definitely couldn't !!!" ...... And that's it....... I guess I have to go everybody....... she is headed my way and apparently wants to show me her shiny new handgu.......

The end!
Blog ya'll later!


  1. Is your ex a super-spy secret agent? She sounds pretty badass. Enjoy the shallow grave...

  2. Sometimes I feel like you know me... like you're inside my head... or my car. LOL

  3. Dear God! I hate it when that happens. Two words, Honey. Two words. Hand granade. You'll be fine.

  4. If that girl exist.. that kind of girl i will not mess.. hahaha

  5. What an excitable woman. I think you're better off without her.

  6. What an insensitive woman, treating you like that. Good thing she's your ex!

  7. She sounds like a mean, mean woman.

  8. I would love to be killed by her.

  9. any woman with a taser... red flag, red flag indeed

  10. FYI- The karate class in and of itself probably shoulda been a kinda heads-up kiddo. But if you see her again and she's near a wood chipper, turn and head in the other direction.

  11. if someone handed me a shovel and said "dig"....I'd probably start crying. I've seen so many mafia movies, I know how it works. Keep up the good work!

  12. Top Chick! Liking her style! Hilarious.

  13. @A beer for the shower...A super spy.... Come to think of it...maybe? And as for the shallow grave..... it was only shallow cause I got tired of digging!

    @Angie.... haha!! You cant prove I was in your car! I wiped away the fingerprints I thought?

    @Linda Medrano...... what a good tip. Thanks. Its like I always say...
    "Grenades solve every argument"

    @Jade.... Very true.... I guess you could mess with her..... but then you might end up like I did.

    @Gorilla Bananas..... maybe so. But I do miss her. I guess I will always have our "video" to remember her by.

    @RCB.... thanks for the support buddy. She was insensitive huh? I mean everybody knows you are supposed to cuddle after karate kicking someones face... right?

    @Tricia.... She was mean!!... I guess I was kind of a battered boytoy huh?

    @Fred... I can give you her number...

    @Red shoes..... Thanks shoes!!! Im glad my death amuses you.

    @J. littlejohn.... so true.... COme to think of it the karate black belt.... probably a red flag too!

    @Bodacious Boomer.... haha!!! Man if I see a wood chipper and she is anywhere near.... I will run like hell!!!

    @todd carr.... ya it never ends well if you are asked to dig in a Mafia movie..... or if they say "Lets take a drive".... your a dead man!

    @Juliette... Fine take her side!!! Come to think of it.... I guess she did kill me looking dead freekin sexy!!!