Tip #1 to spice up your sex life- Candles

So I recently received a reader email asking for some advice on ways to spice up her sex life. Well..... Dryspelldebbie....  I did a little research on this for ya. Basically ... I dug stupid deep! Searching the darkest corners of the internet. And as it turned out, and after many DELETE HISTORY"S...  I found out so much stuff (some helpful.... but more  disturbingly not). Anyways... I now feel forced to turn my response into a multi-post expose. So with that said and a quick apology to my family.... here we go. And as always everybody remember to stretch before reading this blog. .......




Top 10 ways to spice up your sex life #1    CANDLES

Awe ambiance...... such a key to setting a romantic mood. And what better way than with candles. The flickering.... the soft lighting.... the different scents. Sure they can be a little awkward and slightly dangerous in the backseat of your moms Dodge Neon but whatever.

It's like my sunday school teacher used to say.... the proper use of a candle or two might just be what it takes to tip the scale from some ordinary evening... 
to....
 an evening that a romance novel (or other sunday schoolers) would be blushing about.


Now........  I know what you are all thinking!!! Do I have any specific candle suggestions?
Oh you bet I do. Enjoy!

Let's start here ..... fresh cut roses! So nice. That might help set the mood huh?

and then peace? That would smell so....... like....... well......  actually I have no idea. It's probably nice though?

and then chocolate.... o.k. That really would be nice! Might make me more hungry than anything else... but nice none-the-less!

and then bacon???? Seriously!! Now I don't know what this would do to a romantic evening.... but it would certainly smell so freekin good! 

And then whiskey!!! Alright now were really getting somewhere! What guy is this not gonna work on?
Warning note.... Too much of this candle scent can have "dissapointing" results! 

And then the beer candle. Perfect to wash back that whiskey aroma with!.....
  Fun fact 9 out of 10 American airline pilots called it "intoxicating.!!!" right before they yelled "Pull up.... were heading right into the mountain!!"

so now I'm just curious.....what else is out there?

Well the white castle burger candle is. Personally I like mine with no onions and no sauce .... but you know what... every damn time I get it home guess what.... onions and sauce!!! Screw you drive thru candle store!! Screw you.....
uh.... moving on.......

just a couple more...........

What!!! What could this possibly smell like...... dirty one dollar bills and penicillin? Maybe? Is it for you you ask? Well.... does the scent of the morally loose "excite" ya? Then this ones for you!

or maybe you are a bit more "inexperienced"....
Well you haven't ever really lived until you've taken a deep whiff of the scent of a virgin! "So fresh!"

Ah....  well..... hopefully this helps everybody. Especially you dryspelldebbie.  But remember... candles are just part of the solution. Coming soon are helpful tips on costumes, bedroom food, love tazers, etc... But we are gonna save those for the next post. 

So that concludes today's tip #1 to spice up your sex life. Candles. Oh by the way..... not every candle is a home run ....... For example.

Takes a special someone for this one..... blog ya'll later.