Monday, October 17, 2011

The Best Carved Pumpkins On The Internet

Welcome back to the blog everybody. I thought that today, in keeping with the October post theme, we could discuss carving pumpkins. You see each year I normally go to a friends pumpkin carving party... People eat, drink, carve pumpkins... then often things get a little weird...... (but I think that's just where the bar is set for a quality pumpkin carving party these days ....right?) 
Anyways.... sadly the party's not happening this year..... my friend is taking a year off (Still paying off his public indecency tickets I assume) Well.... I guess that means I will be carving at home......  But what to carve? 

Hmm.... Well lets everybody grab our favorite choice of carving tools and find out together  ...shall we?

Lets get started.... Now call me a pumpkin whisperer if you'd like ....But personally I like to let my own overgrown orange squash kinda tell me what it wants to be carved Well by spending some time with it before I carve. Studying its shape..... Really looking it up and down.... I just find the best ideas come to me that way.... 

But careful!!!!  Don't spend too much time with it!
Cause that gets kinda uncomfortable for everyone?

Moving on.....  Now I'm assuming you spent some one on one time with your pumpkin... and for the sake of this post..... You still dont know what to carve.... well allow me share with you ....  a couple home-run pumpkin ideas....

First off lets start with maybe a traditional Halloween scene... 
like maybe a cemetery?
or maybe you could carve a skull? A personal favorite!
or maybe you are a nerd.... er.... into comics and virginity? Well why not try your hand on a superhero pumpkin?

or maybe a death star pumpkin...which is pretty freekin awesome!!!!

or maybe.... what about a political pumpkin? So cool... Though studies do show only about 46% of people enjoy this pumpkin these days.

What else.... what about trying an underwater pumpkin?

It's much less cruel than the other "Water pumpkins" people are carving this year.... sickos!!

or are you a gamer? But you haven't "leveled up"  enough to carve a 3D World of Warcraft pumpkin yet....
 Well the Tetris pumpkin might be perfect for you...

or maybe you should carve yourself something functional....
like a boat?

Really.....  there are so many great pumpkins out there that.. wait!!!!
 I know what you all are really wanting.......  you are inevitably just waiting for the naughtiest pumpkin photos ......right? .....dirty pumpkins?  Well shame on you....... Cause I'm not gonna do that here.

Without some sort of warning.... I'm not a monster!
However.... in truth if I think about it...... it is the internet.... and most likely not even close to the worst thing most young pumpkin carvers Googled today! ..... so whatever.... read on.... 
you little nightmares! Read on!  

So lets start with this.... the mudflaps lady... not too bad. 

and then we have the old butt-crack pumpkin...

Then there's this one... entitled "My ex-girlfriend pumpkin"....  The artist carved it entirely from his memory...  Side note- Her new boyfriend reviewed this pumpkin as "Shockingly accurate!"

Then we have the pumpkin wearing costume guys.... 
though apparently these required much less carving than they'd like you to think... 

Sticking with that same theme.... we have the regrettable 
Jack O' Lantern pumpkin series?

And then I found this....  who some call "The best way to warn a new lover without really having to say anything" pumpkin.... 

But whatever... After so much searching... I finally arrived at the four worst pumpkins I found........ enjoy?

The "helping someone pick something up they dropped pumpkin"!!! So bad for your back!!
Followed by the constipated pumpkin ... I don't really have a funny joke here... but come on... its a pumpkin on a pumpkin toilet! That's gotta count right?
Then there's the ..... wait.... "That's NOT a pumpkin" pumpkin! A favorite of crazy uncles everywhere...
and finally for me.... it's the samurai pumpkin.
"The Samurai Pumpkin"
Man these guys are great.... They then went on to take the classic photo " The Samurai Orange"
.... yet sadly once again guys.... we are all so sorry for your loss!

and on that note... lets pull the plug on this .... I think this post may have been in poor judgement all along.... and personally I blame the pumpkin below for that..
The beer pumpkin.... 
So cheers everybody....... wherever you are ... 

 I will most definitely blog ya'll later!


  1. People who are pumpkin artists...what do they do the rest of the year? Do they only work one month? These are great. Well done wrangling the best of the internet!

  2. Fuck, it's impossible to choose one. I kept seeing photos and i kept thinking to myself, this one is the better, and then again, no, this one is the better and again and again.

  3. The tushie pumpkin gets my vote, but I hate to think of the "seeds" that might come out of it.

  4. hahaha wow some people really are pumpkin artists, and/or have too much time on their hands. These were great, although the not really a pumpkin one made me cringe..haha

  5. I sharpie mine so they last longer, and none of them come close to as good as these

  6. Very entertaining. Thanks for sharing those.

    I'm not a very ept (as opposed to inept, which I am) pumpkin carver. I'm lucky if my pumpkin winds up with two eyes, a nose, and a mouth. Usually, I get so disgusted scooping out the seeds and yuck, that I just long to get it over with.

  7. I can't see how he did the boobs for the ex-girlfriend pumpkin. We need pumpkin inspectors to expose the pumpkin cheats.

  8. I'm suddenly feeling very inadequate about my pumpkin carving skills......

  9. That is one kick ass pumpkin after another...all but one...I could've done without the not so pumpkin!

    Great blog! put together quite nicely...I'll follow!

  10. Sweet, sweet JOL luuuuuuv . . . . I don't judge you.

  11. Great pumpkins, people have way too much time or alcohol but the death star was one of my favourites.

  12. I love all of these! With the exception of the herp pumpkin...because no one loves that gift that keeps on giving.

  13. LMBO!!! These are GREAT!!!!

    I don't know which one I like the best!!!!


  14. Freakin' great post, Steve.

    Does anybody actually eat pumpkins these days? Maybe the guy with one painted on his ass was living in hope...

  15. caught you through cro

    loved this post...the diversity of ideas and humour is wonderful
    (I love the sick ones)

    will be back

  16. These are awesome! But if I ever tried to recreate any of them, it would a complete and utter disaster =/

  17. Oh My...this is hilarious....I sure am glad you commented on my blog. You a funny dude. Oma Linda

  18. Goodness those were absolutely hysterical! I haven't had a pumpkin for Halloween in a long time but this may just inspire me! Now which to choose??

  19. My favorite was the constipated pumpkin til I saw the "not a pumpkin". That was truly awful.

  20. What? No boobs painted as pumpkins?
    The night before my daughter was born I painted my wife's tummy as a jack o' lantern -it was HUGE.

  21. The death star pumpkin is brilliant. They're all superb. Mine will pale into patheticness next to those....

  22. I'm with the others, I can't pick which one is the best. Maybe I can just put all of them outside. Because just one offensive, pornographic pumpkin is not enough to make my neighbors hate me even more than they already do.