Monday, November 14, 2011

The Occupy Portland (and other things) Post.....

Lets get right to it today. While walking to the movie theater downtown yesterday, I stumbled upon the worlds most unsanitary tailgate party... er.... an Occupy Portland rally. 

So..  I stopped and listened. You see for me I believe the message is sound. Our financial system does need change. Big time!!  However.....  camping downtown like you are waiting for the Grateful Dead to start playing seemed like a "different choice" to get that message out? 

People were partying.... people were drinking... people were smoking... It kinda looked like somehow the last person awake at every single party in town had converged to form one giant blackout? 

And it smelled! It left me kinda hoping the riot police had brought their Febreeze rifles!! 

But whatever! If acting like a giant congregation of carnies can help expedite change....  then "carnie on people". Now.... I was about to leave when they started chanting something very interesting. They started to slur... er... chant how they were taking the movement out of the parks and into the stores and cafes. No joke! That is what they said! 

And its here I can help!! If occupying things and irritating the people of Portland will help to bring about nationwide change...... well........ then everybody.... I have 10 ideas! 

1. First off ..... Occupy Elevators ... Seriously! Just go fill up every elevator in town... People would notice!.. Who enjoys a crowded smelly elevator.. right? 

2. Or maybe Occupy Jukeboxes. Simply panhandle for quarters...  then go to every bar in town..... and pick bad songs to play on repeat ... over and over!

 That's making me mad just thinking about it!

3. Or... here's one... Occupy the Fast Lane...... It's simple..... Drive slow in the fast lane! Everywhere! How freakin' maddening would this be.... plus its perfect for your elder occupiers!

4. or... Occupy the World of Warcraft. Gamers everywhere would be so mad if it was too busy for them to get online!!!  If you took away their ability to "level up" they would definitely listen to your demands!!!

5. How bout ......  Occupy the Changing Rooms at the Mall..... No one would enjoy that!! Plus its perfect for that creepy occupier in your rally!!

6. You could Occupy Marijuana Dispensories everywhere!  Wait! Completely disregard!!! My sources tell me this is already happening! 

7. and you could also  Occupy Express Lines at Grocery Stores ..... Man that would suck!! Bonus points if you have way more than twelve items!

8.  Occupy a Doctors Office! ...... I know Stacy didn't appreciate it!!!

9. Hmm...... what else? Maybe go Occupy A Freeway?

9b. or  Occupy Parking?

I hate that one!!!

 And that brings us to # 10! So finally...... 
and very regrettably....  

 Maybe someone should just go Occupy the Locker Room at Penn State.... cause clearly...... they could use an extra set of eyes...

And on that note.... thats it for today!  so good luck to you wherever you are protesting everybody!

Blog ya'll later!


  1. Occupy the Fast Lane.... totally made me laugh out loud. Great post.

  2. hahaha yes occupying the fast lane and parking would really get under people's skin. Should occupy the rich guys parking spot.

  3. I would occupy the marijuana dispenseries but they are too crowded! And the same people who occupied the dispenseries, are also occupying the fast lanes! Those slow pot heads beat me to it!

    Oh well, to the elevator I go!

  4. How about occupying Poland? It almost worked for Hitler.

  5. Hitler jokes are never funny, Gorilla Bananas.

    I hope no one will occupy my backyard, but I do support this movement totally and fully.

  6. Wrong, Mr Dezmond.

    Hitler has only got one ball,
    The other is in the Albert Hall.

    made millions of English people laugh during WW2.

  7. Wait, wait, wait, whoa! Let's not get crazy, "True Colors" is a "bad song"!?! Someone done gone off the reservation.
    #6 made me laugh hardest but the Febreeze bit was also quite hilarious. Loved it.

  8. I can't believe they haven't thought of occupying public restrooms across the globe. Can you imagine if they did that? People would either be forced to go in alleyways, on the side of the road, or in their pants for the win.

  9. "dont be a douche", why didnt i think of that?

  10. I wasn't surprised to see the Occupy group in my state consisted of mainly aging hippies and pseudo-intellectual college kids. Having no idea how to conduct yourself from a PR standpoint relinquishes legitimacy in its entirety.

  11. I saw some occupiers in the town where I work. The town of 60,000 people. Ironically enough, they staged their protest on Main Street. Really?

  12. Hey man, don't mess with my WoW or you will have one angry and murderous girl on your hands.

  13. loled so hard at Occupy the Fast Lane.

  14. Tired of carrying signs? Love it!

    And yes, GB is right - in England we spend a lot of our time either laughing at ourselves or anything 'inappropriate'

  15. Steve, I'd like to come up with an annoying number 11, but I'm rather occupied.

  16. Nicely done. The Occupiers in Mpls apparently are far better housekeepers -- I walk by the little buggers every day on my way to yoga and the government plaza is spotless. Seriously.

    I love all your ideas. And Occupy Elevators? As someone working on the 48th floor, I can tell you that would get a lot of attention!


  17. the fabrese cannon...... ideal for protesters and people like me
    "sluts with four dogs in a small house"

  18. The elevator and the fast lane things actually work. When Tessa used to do national advocacy for disability issues, they would all block parking garages in Washington, D.C. It usually helped them get a meeting with Newt Gingrich or something. At least with his staff. You should work in organizing. You're good.

  19. You, sir, are one funny son of a bitch.

    (Disclaimer: Nothing in the above statement is meant to imply that you are truly descended from canines.)

  20. It's official, the freeway has been occupied. Which is why it took me two hours to drive to work today. Jesus I hate this city some days.

  21. Great post - living in such a small town, we don't really have an "Occupy" movement going on here - although as Canadians we occupy every Tim Horton's we drive by, so I guess that counts..

  22. Too many hipsters.

  23. I like the idea of #6. Sadly there are none of them around here.

  24. Occupy my's full of Hitler hipsters in Newt Gingrich snuggies which smell vaguely like Marijuana Dispensories and Martin Luther King's farts on occupied elevators.