Thursday, November 10, 2011

Tip #5 to spice up your sex life- sexy costumes

So I figured it was time to resume my top 10 ways to spice up your sex life list.... with a brand new one. And in case any of you are asking yourself "why in the name of all that is holy is he doing this stupid list?"... let me reshare the email I received that got this whole thing started....



Dear Madman,
I enjoy this site from time to time. You seem to cover a wide variety of topics..... and since I don't think anyone actually reads this (no offense) I feel safe to ask you....this personal favor. Can you give me a few tips on how to really big time spice up my sex life? I would really appreciate it.... and so would my lover!
Thanks,
DryspellDebbie



so.... we did these posts already:


Tip #1 to spice up your sex life- Candles
Tip #2 To spice up your sex life.... Food
Tip #3 To spice up your sex life.... Different places
Tip #4 To spice up your sex life... The threesome


and here is the continuation...... today's entry #5 Sexy Costumes.




First off, though....  
We need to find out if this tip is even suited for you?


So..... go ahead and honestly answer the following questions....


Has your love life felt uninspired lately?












 Has your lover become uninterested? 


Does your lover often look disgusted when looking in your general direction?


Or, are you what others would genuinely call..... "Fugly"?




Well, if you answered yes to ANY of the above questions.... I can proudly recommend "Sexy Costumes" to you...


So here's how you do it properly:


Go out and find a costume...


Really any costume will do...


Then wear the freekin costume....


And then just wait for your lover to come home ....


Cause really there's just one rule...


You just cant look like yourself....


Cause you were the problem.... Remember?


And that's pretty much it..... 


So now just sit back



and get ready for the sexitime...


Cause your lover is gonna be so excited to see you not look like yourself!






Trust me you'll thank me later!!!






Now......  I know what your thinking...


Shouldn't my lover love me for how I actually look? 


And isn't this just really tricking someone into getting romantic?


Maybe... but who cares as long as it works... Just enjoy the evening, stupid!




Side note- Some costumes have been known to back fire!!!!!!!




How do you all feel about this? Do you need more proof that this works? Well then..... lets check in with some of my readers (who I have recently encouraged to use sexy costumes) and see if it worked for them.... shall we.....






First off lets take Chrisie




Here's Chrisie's showing us one of her usual seductive moves... which.... sadly haven't been working very well lately for her.


So she decided to surprise her significant other with a sexy cat costume.... 
In her mind he was going to take one look at her
and  "clothes were gonna start falling off!!"


But sadly, he saw her like this.....




And..... 


She sent me this email...




Dear Mad Man,
       I hate you.... Your sex tips don't work.....  Can't type anymore 'cause of all the crying!!!  
Chrisie






uh ...... so it doesn't work EVERY time? So what. I'm sure its working elsewhere.... In fact lets check in with Ronald who is also giving this a try.... hopefully with better results...


First off I must mention that Ronald, being the romantic he is, had been trying everything to get his sweetheart in the mood.




....but somehow nothing was working




In a weird coincidence.... he also decided to go with a cat costume.... but more of a leopard print... Anyways... In his mind she was gonna see him like this.... 


and she was gonna jump his bones...


but...............


But she saw him like this.... and sadly there would be no boning......
 
You see she too saw him "differently" that night.


and Ronald wrote in to tell us how it went... but in his words...




Dear Blogger Guy with the Sex Tips,
       I'm writing to tell you that the costume thing works! It does!!! It especially did for my sweet Becky (the love of my life). She loved  the cat costume.... Apparently the minute she saw me dressed up like a cat it awoke this animal in her...... a passionate animal.......  sexitime was on!!!!!







"Just not for me.....
I hate you!!!!"


well..... I think that's it for today's post 
Sex tip #5 Sexy Costumes.......  Where results may vary!


blog ya'll later!





21 comments:

  1. I'm totally dressing up like Spongebob the next time I need to spice things up.

    :)

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  2. Now that halloween is over, I'm not much in the mood for dressing up! Especially after seeing some of these costumes!

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  3. the guy on the table........oh the photo made my day!
    what the fuck was he up to>?
    answers on a postcard please!!!!!!!!!!

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  4. Ahhhhh Furries!!!! And I can't believe you used the Simpsons porn parody. Well done.
    Those tips totally work...except if you're fugly.

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  5. I call bullshit. There's no way Christy is having any trouble getting laid. She's like a walking one-woman threesome!

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  6. There's nothing wrong with Chrisie. She's the kind of woman who could please any man once he found his way to her vagina.

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  7. BAH! That cat woman blinded me, the second one..haha and yeah some surely umm back fire.

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  8. Those photos! What has been seen can't be unseen.

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  9. You are just FULL of great advice! You must live a perfect life, yes? :)

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  10. There was a lot of Fugly in that post....put me right off my lilmited sex life.

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  11. I used to dress up as a huge dick.

    I am a huge dick! So no change there then...

    Have the nurse sent to my room at once!!

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  12. All I'd have to do is dress like a Korean boyband member and bam, I think it would work.

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  13. Do you offer private costume consultations? I'd like to give this a try, but will need to make sure I pick just the right one. I'd really rather not serve as a warning to others...

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  14. Ah these remind me of my drawer-o-skank. I bet I have a cat costume in there somewhere. I wonder if wearing it under my office clothes will make me feel sexier. I wonder if anyone would notice the tail. hmmmm ;)

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  15. OMG My eyes! My eyes! That guy reclining in the tiger stripes will haunt me for a long while indeed.

    As for costumes, with winter approaching if you're going to be expressing your love outside I recommend getting an old mascot outfit. Furries are a terribly misunderstood demographic.

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  16. lol Xd does not work every time

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  17. I am disgusted and yet cannot avert my eyes. I think I may need to bleach my brain now. And there is no possible mindPod selection for what I just saw....

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  18. I'm speechless. But did make you new blog of the day.

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  19. Damn, Steve! Why is it I always check out your blog when I'm about to have dinner - no kidding. But great pics. That kitty cat should audition for the next Batman movie. No way he's gonna make a sequel when this sexy catwoman decides to jump him. POW! POW! OUCH, Batman!

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