Friday, November 4, 2011

The Search for the Perfect Gym

Well Ive been away from the blog for a few days... and apparently my brother took it over... er.. occupied it. Felt kinda like when you let someone date your girlfriend for a night.. you know solely for money purposes. Whatever! Either way.... I felt violated a little?


But Im back.... so thanks for checking back in with us here at the blog... where apparently yet again I must mention we still DO NOT validate parking! Anyways.....  today we are going to talk about the gym. Yep.... the only place I know of where spandex is somehow acceptable... but in bulk?  



.... You see I made a promise that for the entire month of November I would go to the gym EVERY DAY with my lady. (Who coincidentally asked me to note that she looks absolutely nothing like the lady to the left.) Your good honey.... and moving on....  


Well....  now that I am three days into "this living nightmare" I find myself enjoying it less and less! And at first I couldn't figure out why..... but then over a plate of inspirational pasta it hit me!  You see every gym is different these days. And I just haven't found "my perfect gym". The place where the pounds just melt away and you don't "hate every freekin second of it!" So.. today I went looking for just that gym.


And this is the story of that.... 


The story starts with breakfast (a big plate of biscuits and gravy and a double order of bacon) And then immediately after.... I was off to try this gym down the street.....


Now to be fair it was a nice place .... But for me....
people were just way to into working out there....  


So I told myself if the first place isn't a perfect fit...  no problem.... keep looking. Then after a couple grilled cheese sandwiches...... I  went on down the street....  to the next gym..... 


And this gym seemed o.k....... it was decorated well... it smelled nice...... and if I think about it...  there were ladies everywhere....  which was nice.... until they got "aggressive"!


So I moved on again...... Now the sign on the next gym promised "A more free-ing workout experience.....


and they were right...


But it was a little drafty.......... 
and the seats were "uncomfortably moist"?






I was starting to get a bit down. Why was it so hard to find a gym that was a good fit for me?  Like the one I used to go to....


And that gym was free!!!


Anyways I had to keep trying. So......  a big plate of Kung Pao Chicken later.... I tried some more...


There were stripper gyms....
And mean spirited gyms... 




There was a gym with free donuts....Which I liked..... but my girlfriend said it was kinda counterproductive.... ?






There were creepy rusty basement gyms...

And overly gay gyms... where I must say the locker room there was "just far to playful for me"!
And why was everything in black and white?




So I kept trying gyms.... I even found this vegan gym downtown... 

and if you think I'm just gonna make some joke about vegans being all sickly and weak......

Well I am!!!
Cause people were freekin dropping like flies there!!! It was crazy depressing! so I moved on....


It was at this point that I thought about grabbing a burger....  but to be honest... I was pretty full! 


So instead I broadened my search....to other styles of gyms.... For example I found this aerobic gym and gave it a try....
It was just far too pelvic-thrusty for me....




and then .. I tried this yoga specific gym......


But it was way too hands on for me!!!!!




And then......  it happened!!!  Like a beacon in the night. I saw a sign for my perfect gym!! And I knew finally I was home...






One Hour fitness!!!   My perfect gym! Finally!!
So that's it... that's the gym post. Anyways I gotta go... I only have about 15 minutes of potential workout time left today....
So.... till next time....


blog ya'll later



15 comments:

  1. The woman bending over with the butt cleavage knew what she was doing. You should have asked her for tips.

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  2. I knew Yoga would be too awkward for me!

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  3. haha yes I would not want to go near those moist seats, imagine if someone didn't wipe well..ewww

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  4. I've seen gym only from the outside :) but I do like the idea of the nude gym from your pics ... delightfully creative!

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  5. I'm setting down my huge pastrami sandwich to ask, "What's a gym?"

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  6. Man! That "hands on" guy is really digging in!

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  7. Do they hold the Kripsy Kreme's in front of you while you run on the treadmill? Because that wouldn't be counterproductive....

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  8. I can't even run ten meters; I'd have a heart attack! :P

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  9. Naked gym sessions?! Shit, Steve! Can you imagine some hairy old woman doing that exercise where you need to spread your legs and you're right in front of her tying your laces? Damn! And what about you being the next one to sit on a machine that some 'no-I-don't-wipe-my-ass-regularly' no good is kindly offering you: 'I'm ready, buddy. It's ALL yours now.'

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  10. That basement gym looked positively delightful! I'm sure those rats would be more than willing to spot you as you did weights.

    Oh, and can you validate my parking here?

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  11. I've been to the "free" gym myself a few times xD, now i workout at home, the girl in pink could spot me anytime!

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  12. That place where the seats were all a little moist is kind of creepy. I think I'll go there.

    Jay

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  13. Always go with kickboxing. I don't know why. But it's never boring.

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