Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Year in Rewind Part 2- The Ex Review

Continuing with our look back at the weird year that it was... here on this blog..... brings us to one of my most personal posts. You see I reviewed my ex-girlfriend. Sure it was a kinda recklessly emotional thing to do... but also strangely rewarding .... So with that said.... 
The Review of my Ex!

March 4th

I wasn't sure what I wanted to review today......a restaurant?....a TV show ( I seriously love Community people)?.....or maybe the new Radiohead album..... then it hit me....I should review my most recent ex!!!! People reviews are awesome....and helpful for maybe future friends or daters of these people.....right? Right! That we go.......

Lets call her Vicky. I met Vicky where I meet most of the women I chat rooms of course..... I was ROTFL-ing at a comment she made on the Ashley Madison website. We quickly were lol-ing and tmi-ing deep into the night. The next step was to meet............

We met at Portlands naked bike first date of the pure freedom you feel biking the way god intended...........of course............and I knew we had chemistry the moment she said " um eyes are up here"........a couple bikerides and a serious raspberry on my backside later we were together.......

She was great..... she cooked for us.... a new type of food I hadn't tried yet.....called Gluten Heavy....very flavorful. We could talk about anything. I told her of my dream to be a psychic doctor with my motto being "my mind is my scalpel" and she told me of her recurring dream of a threesome with somehow four people? I tried to explain that that would be a foursome but we somehow got lost in the math of it. Lost in the love....

We enjoyed creating games together....It was the old top hat guy in the library with the funny bone (our monopoly/operation/clue combo) .....or our twister jenga combo which Im no longer legally allowed to comment on...

We loved to dance....we would go out to the clubs and became known for our synchronized dance moves. We would spend hours practicing new routines like our cabbage patch/ driving the bus routine... or the far less popular running man/ playing                                      tether ball routine....

We were quite a pair.

We started talking about the future. Getting married....maybe starting a sea monkey farm or starting a sweat shop for underprivileged youth ....Our life was almost perfect.....That was until IT happened....but I think I will save that for mondays post....Im a little too emotional right now.........


  1. I can't understand why you're not still together, it seems like you are exactly alike except for the, er, equipment.

    My sympathies.

  2. Wow yeah, you were such a perfect match, you'll never find another that wants a sea monkey farm or likes naked bike riding, okay maybe the later you will..haha

    Oh and IT happened. You mean that scary Steven King clown thing. Damn IT!

  3. Some things are just too good to be true!

    I wonder what IT was?

  4. Some things really are just too good to be true, but I am going to have to borrow that naked bike ride first date idea.

  5. I live in abject fear of writing and committing to the internet anything about an ex or a current. You are a braver man than I. I'm guessing "IT" refers to Information Technology. You found the internet and thus, your new love.

  6. Oh young one I can tell your still grieving over the demise of your latest relationship. But even so, you must do your due diligence before buying sea monkeys.

    There are unscrupulous sea monkey purveyors everywhere and you must be careful less you wind up both sad and penniless.

  7. Someday friend, someday... but I will take anyone's bets on what "IT" is. See me over at yougotsars... :-)

  8. You can bet I'll be tuning in on Monday. It's like being there when Shakespeare penned Romeo and Juliet.

  9. Aww you guys seemed perfect for each other, I wonder what happened?

  10. I'm going to enjoy guessing what the IT was. That's the best part about exes. Re-writing the past.

  11. Holy crap, Steve, is that you?!

    :-) I shall remember our time together fondly.


  12. Ending on a cliff hanger, I can't handle the suspense!