Monday, January 16, 2012

A letter to the past

So I noticed on another blog recently, that occasionally some bloggers write letters to their younger selves...

Apparently its a therapeutic way to deal with the past?
And after speaking to my court ordered counselor I have decided to do the same as well....
So here we go....

Dear little Steve,

Hey you little ass!

Its me!

Future you!

Shut up and listen!

I have a few things you need to hear...

And if you listen..... this just might save you some serious grief and extreme humiliation.....

First off..... I understand growing up is gonna be hard for you....

You're gonna be confused about oh so many things?

And theirs gonna come a time when you decide making people laugh is something you think you are good at..... 
And then one day you are gonna think it would be funny to take some "creative"  photos of you and dads car? 

Listen up....
Please please......


You are gonna regret it!!!! Trust me!!

And then there's gonna come a time when you decide "you want to to be more like the other kids"..... and try out for a team at school.....

Can you maybe rethink dance team?

Oh ya.... forget volleyball also!!
You're not gonna end up being very good!!

Are you paying attention?

Well I have some helpful suggestions... if you listen!!

Like remember how you struggled getting good grades in science class.......

And how you decided to cheat!

Well Im fine with the cheating... of course?

But knowing what I know now..... cheat off the girl in the pink skirt!!!

Cause she had ALL the answers!!

Oh and here's a good one! There will be a weekend in high school when you get asked to join the debate team on an overnight trip....



Cause debate girls are easy!! 
I know.... who knew? 
I thought they just argued?

Oh and speaking of highschool..... when you are a freshman.... and the seniors ask you to join them for "a cool kids meeting" in the boys locker rooms!!!

Dont go!! They dont think your cool!!

What else?

Oh ya.... how could I forget!

Listen carefully dummy.... when it comes time for your senior photos....

Please rethink that stupid shirtless idea!!!

Anyways...... finally will come prom night. 
A night that could be magical...... but listen close!!!!

Bobby "Opportunist" Smith is gonna ask DeDee "Boobs" McGee to the prom on March 4th....
So ask her before he does... idiot!!!

or else you will end up going with....

.....Jenny "Dyebrows" Mulcher... 
and it will suck!!!

But whatever....... eventually your gonna graduate.

I know Im as shocked as you are reading this.....

First off ....

Spell it right!!!!

And then get ready for college......

But...... maybe I we'll save that letter for another day....

Cause I have a lot to share with you!!

Future You

and blog ya'll later


  1. Yes but... if past you listens to future you then won't this blog post cease to exist??


  2. Past you is jacked up. Although future you isn't that well-adjusted either. But that's why you're great.
    And I would have thought that debate club girls would argue until you put your pants back on and shuffled off in defeat.

  3. A fun post and entertaining as always. But the past you isn't going to benefit from this, unfortunately.

  4. LOL I got hit with a volleyball like that once, I wasn't watching turned around and smack, damn distracting women..haha Past you surely got in some binds.

  5. Poor little Steve.

    But what's wrong with Jenny "Dyebrows" Mulcher? She seems... n-nice!

  6. That was very creative cheating there. I'm not sure I really want to know what caused the madman.

  7. If I could give any advice to my younger self it would be to wear more condoms and date less rocker chicks.

  8. You gave yourself great advice. I never listened to anyone when I was a teen so I wouldn't listen to myself either.

  9. Lol hilarious post and great advices too ;)

  10. LOL
    I'm peeing my pants.

  11. It seems I somehow have been missing your posts which is odd cause you're one of my favorites!

    Anyways, I think lil dreamer makes a good point!

    If I could go talk to little me, I would spare myself a major ass whooping and not steal my mom's weed! She really kicked my ass for that one!

  12. Ok this was delightfully funny. Yes I'm a girl so I can use delightful without any discrimination. Sigh. I laughed my butt off. Nuff said.

  13. Boobs McGee needed more attention than being asked out on prom night. You should have started working on her when her boobs began to sprout.

  14. LOL I do have a letter to my younger self somewhere. It isn't nearly as cool or graphic as yours though!

  15. All that's well and good, but if you're looking for easy, it seems to be that Jenny "Dyebrows" has got to be easier than the debate team. Although probably less hygienic.

  16. Omg that flamer ehhhh nasty lol Wow mega fail graduating high school and you cant even spell graduate

  17. I needed that smile today.....thank you

  18. great advice - what are those girls debating? Which beer is lighter?

  19. If I had the opportunity to send a letter to myself in the past, it either be similar to yours or full of useless information to troll myself.

  20. This is hilarious. I pity any man that takes home Jenny Dyebrows after a night of heavy drinking.

    I want to write a letter to my younger self so he can cry over the fact that I'm an unemployed writer. Take that, kid with his expectations way too high!

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Your Future You just told me to stop eating while I'm typing. He also told me you're gonna do just fine.

  21. Dear Little Steve,

    Listen to your Future You. He's wise beyond his years and knows like no one else what's RIGHT and what's WRONG. He's got the pictures to prove it.