#14 of 14 The Pumpkin Post

So here we go.... vegans everywhere voted this their least favorite..

Cause of "the screaming of the pumpkins"

I voted it my 14th fave.....

 The Pumpkin Post

Welcome back everybody. 
I thought that today...
In keeping with the October post theme...
We could discuss carving pumpkins. 


You see each year I normally go to a friends pumpkin carving party... People eat, drink, carve pumpkins... 

And then things often get a little weird....
(but I think that's just where the bar is set for a quality pumpkin carving party these days.... right?

Anyways.... sadly the party's not happening this year..... 
My friend is taking a year off...
 (Still paying off his public indecency tickets I assume) 
Well.... I guess that means I will be carving at home...... 
 But what to carve? 

Hmm.... 

Well... grab your favorite choice of carving tools...

 and lets find out together  ...shall we?

Lets get started.... 
Now.... call me a pumpkin whisperer if you'd like ....
But personally I like to let my own overgrown orange squash kinda tell me what it wants to be carved into......


How you ask? 


Well by spending some time with it before I carve. 
Studying its shape..... 
Really looking it up and down.... 
I just find the best ideas come to me that way.... 

But be careful not to spend too much time with it!
Cause them pumpkins can be crazy seductive!!

Anyways.....  
Now.... lets assume you spent some one on one time with your pumpkin... 


And for the sake of this post..... 
Your pumpkin didn't speak to you...


And  you still dont know what to carve.... 


Well allow me to share with you ....  
Some cant-miss pumpkin ideas....
Sure to get "the neighborhood talking!"

First off lets start with maybe a traditional Halloween scene... 
like maybe a cemetery?

Or maybe you could carve a skull? 
A personal favorite!

Or maybe you are a nerd.... er.... into comics and virginity?
 Well why not try your hand at a superhero pumpkin?

Or a death star pumpkin...
Which is pretty freekin awesome!!!!

Or maybe.... try your hand at a political pumpkin? 
First carve a republican or a democrat... 
It doesn't really matter which...
And then set that pumpkin on your front porch...
 Directly facing that crazy neighbor with the opposite political views from you!! 
And just let it sit there... and let it mock them!!
Man they will hate it!!
And that's it...
Genius right?

Back to more pumpkins...

What else?
Oh ya....

How about trying an underwater pumpkin?
Its all the new rage this year!!!

And so much less cruel than those other "Water pumpkins" people are carving this year.... sickos!!

Or hey....are you a gamer? 
But you haven't "leveled up"  enough to carve a 3D World of Warcraft pumpkin yet....
 Well the Tetris pumpkin might be perfect for you...

Or maybe you should carve yourself something functional....
like a boat?

Or you could carve a.....
Wait!!!!
Hold up.....


 I know what you all are really wanting....... 
 You are inevitably just waiting for the naughty pumpkin photos... .....right?
 .....dirty pumpkins?  
......embarrassingly naughty pumpkins?


Well shame on you....... 


Cause I'm not gonna do that here.....

Without some sort of warning first.... 

But now that we have a warning....
Enjoy kiddos....

So lets start with this.... the mudflaps lady... 
which is not TOO bad. 

and then we have the old butt-crack pumpkin...
(which I think would be hilarious to light with one of those joke "Taco-scented candles")

And then there's this one... 
entitled "My ex-girlfriend pumpkin"....  
The pervert... er... artist carved it entirely from his memory... 

Side note- if you let this kinda pumpkin sit out for weeks....
 It can accurately predict "what she will look like later in life" 
Amazing!!!

Moving on....
We have....

The pumpkin wearing costume guys.... 
Though..... apparently these required much less carving than they'd like you to think... 

Sticking with that same theme.... we have the regrettable 
Jack O' Lantern pumpkin series?

And then I found this....  who some call "The best way to warn a new lover without really having to say anything" pumpkin.... 




But whatever... After so much searching... I finally arrived at the four worst pumpkins ever ........ enjoy?

The "helping someone pick something up they dropped pumpkin"!!! So bad for your back!!

Followed by the constipated pumpkin ... 
Which I don't really have a funny joke for... 
but come on... 
its a pumpkin on a pumpkin toilet! 
That's gotta count right?
 

Then there's the ..... wait.... "That's NOT a pumpkin" pumpkin! 
A favorite of crazy uncles everywhere...

and finally for me....  
this is the worst hands down...
it's the Samurai Pumpkin...

"The Samurai Pumpkin"

From the same guys that later went on to do...
 "The Samurai Orange"
Which didn't work out as well..
And once again guys.... 
we are all so sorry for your loss!

and on that note... 

 Blog ya'll later!