Guest Posting Today

I am guest writing today over at....
www.tossingitout.blogspot.com


And it went GREAT!!!
I didnt even have to leave the comfort of my own house...
I just sat down and typed on my new....

Keyboard pants!!!

Which are always sooo convenient!!
Though I wish they made keyboard boxers??
Anyways....
Go check it out!!
And blog ya'll soon!!!

The Potato Chip Post

So lets discuss potato chips today..... shall we.
Cause... um....  
Who doesn't like potato chips...right?
Well I know I do....
And if I'm honest...
The potato chip has always "been there for me"...
In fact I remember growing up...

...with night after night of that "amazingly filling"
...potato chip casserole!! Mmm!

Yep... and I fondly remember getting all those "potato chip puzzles" each and every Christmas...

My favorite was this one... 
Thanks again dad!!

Ah good times...
But alas the chip was more than just fun comfort food...
It was a friend too..

Always entertaining me during church....

And then in my college years.... 

...it became more of an "adult snack"..

Always there...

Always helping me set the mood.....

With some sexy Pringle can sounds...

And then helping me bring the ensuing romance to a new kind of....

"Oily level?" ...

But whatever.... 
Enough about me...
Obviously I enjoy the potato chip..


Now sure..... probably not as much as Cindy below....

...who loved chips so much she made this costume!!!
and...
 Quickly regretted it...
You see it sent "entirely the wrong message"!!!

But costumes are not what chips are about.
The potato chip was designed to be "a snack of beauty"....

Just ask Kate Middleton...
Who apparently enjoys wearing weird "potato chip hats?
Whats that about?

Or there's this lady....

...who uses the empty potato chip bags...
...but as bows? Brilliant!!

Or this next lady...
Who literally took chips (and dip) to the next level!!!

The "My lice were hungry" level!!

uh...

Im not proud of that joke...

Lets move on...

Lets get back to the "potato chips"...
Cause for me... chips are all about the different flavors...


From enjoying the spices of BBQ flavor.... 
To appreciating the zing of Sour Cream and Onion...
To liking that cheesy goodness in Nacho Cheese flavor.... 
To desperately trying to understand...
.... what the hell is the "Cool" part in the Cool Ranch?


Whatever...
I have lived a life with no "chip complaints"...
I live happy with my current understanding of potato chip flavors being what they are...


But all that recently changed..
 You see..... I was at the store and came across these!!

Yep....BLT chips!!!...
So I had to try them... of course!!
And... they were ok... but kinda weird....
I think it was the "lettuce flavoring" that threw me?

So I raced home...
And according to some quick internet research....
I realized!!!
Potato chip flavors have gotten OUT OF CONTROL!!


Their were HUNDREDS of new flavors I hadn't tried!!!
So I skipped (dont judge) to my nearest "dollar store".....
And bought up the weirdest ones...
And ate em...
And I feel compelled to review the 10 best below....
Enjoy...


First up we have....

#10 Hot Dog
My review.... "Not very good"

And then #9 (and you have to look close)...
 Hot Chili Squid flavor!!!
My review "Horrifying!!"

#8 Roast Ox
My review "Shockingly chewy?"

#7 Octopus!!
My review "Really? Why would you make that?"

#6 Cajun Squirrel
My review "Come on!! This is so horrible!!"

#5 Prawn Cocktail
My review "Well... I guess its better than Tuna Mayo Chips...."

....which actually exist.... but I left off the list because of
"All the vomiting" they caused me!!

#4 Intense Pickle
My review "Maybe great for pregnant women...
 but for me.... mind-blowingly awful!!"

#3 Sloppy Joe...
My review "Dont judge... I kinda liked this one"

And #2 Caesar Salad
My review "Ahhh... All I can still taste is the anchovies!!!"

And finally #1 HAGGIS chips?
Sheep organ chips???? Seriously??
Which I reviewed only as...
   "They made me wish my tongue could vomit!!"

And that's it for today...
Im officially on a potato chip break...
But for you all...
Chip responsibly...
And blog ya'll later

The Post After The Last Post....Post

`

Alright so Im back from my blog break?
Which I desperately needed...
Honestly I just needed a little recharge...
I needed to sit down and .... 

Clean out some of the filth in my computer....

Cause the truth is.... 
I show some pretty messed up pictures on this site....
....and I had file after file of them....
Sure some are funny....

And cute....

But many more tend to be... 

Deeply disappointing!!
Come on lady!!!

Oh and speaking of "messed up pictures"...
I found this one....
Now.... who thought this photo was a good idea??

Im guessing ...not the girl on the left?

But anyways....
My break gave me some time to relax....
I relaxed.....  and I lounged around...
I spent days wearing my favorite shirt....

My fake hairy chest shirt... 
Which is awesome.... 
And comes with matching pants...
...which the lady at the supermarket called
 "Unbelievably inappropriate!"

What else did I do on my break...
Oh I spent some time on the "dance night" I produce...
Which is officially up and running well... 


And I know what you are saying......
That "dance night doesn't really exist'...

"Its as real as that time you got that new BMW!"

And fair enough.... I was making the Beemer up...
But heres some actual picture proof!

Its called "Come As You Are- 90s Dance Flashback"

And its a couple Saturday nights a month at the Crystal Ballroom in Portland.

I like to think of it as a dance night...
 where you can come dance... 
meet someone.... 
make out.... 
and ....

Still have time to play Angry Birds!!!

Its a perfect place to express yourself...

...but through your awful choices in dance pants!!

And its totally designed for people who are....

"Intense about dancing?"

Anyways enough about that...
What else?


Oh ya the last couple weeks gave me some time to spend training my dog....


And.... Im proud to say... that my little mutt...

...runs smack into the side of the tire EVERY damn time!!

But he can now play fetch.... with the best of em....

Though he doesnt know "drop infant" yet!!

But above all...
One thing happened over my break that I really wanted to talk about...


It kinda changed me....


I ate these...

Yep...BLT chips?

I decided to take a long look at potato chips....
But that requires an entire post of its own....
So I'm gonna go do some deep thinking on the topic....

Probably over a Pringles bath....

And get writing...
Anyways I am happy to be back!
And blog ya'll soon.

#1 of 14 The Furniture War

Here we are at #1
My favorite post....


A post that "Garage Sale Magazine" reviewed as....
"A disturbingly sad post that must have led to the Most Perverted Garage Sale Ever!!"


Anyways here it is....
The Furniture War


Lets get right to it today..... shall we?
You see.... moving day is fast approaching for me....
And the lady and I.....  have been spending  time "going through each of our our worldy possessions" ......


It seems we might have too much stuff to be able to bring everything on over to the new place? 


And ... according to my lady.... some of our old stuff might not work within the "new style" of place we are moving into?


Huh? I guess that makes sense?


So some stuff will make it.
Other stuff will sadly not!
I get it!


And you know... 
The one positive about old stuff that doesn't make it....

...is it's so much easier to move!

But whatever..... here's what I wanted to talk about...
You see yesterday.....  while relaxing.... 
Eating some take-out Chinese food....


Watching any one of those 18 different shows on Discovery Channel filmed in Alaska..... 
You know the shows...  staring creepy men you wouldn't let anywhere near your children.
 (I think it was called Anchorage Dental Gold) 


Anyways THAT is when it all started!


That was when I was first informed that..... 
 My chair wasn't gonna fit with THE LOOK of the new place!
What?

My Rhino chair???
How could this not make the cut.....I asked myself?

Oh but it didn't stop there.... Nope!
Also not making the cut was my beloved dresser....

She apparently found it "too aggressive?"

And my book shelf ..... which she said was...

Quote....."Really creepy at night!"
It was out too!!!

And to top that...
She even wanted the "chair I had from college" gone...
Which really hurt...

...cause of all the wonderful and often "surprising" memories I made with that chair!

Now I must admit I was beginning to become angry. 
A pattern was developing. 
All MY STUFF was getting the axe. 


Well... two could play that game I thought....


So you know what..... two did play that game!


And I quickly informed her that for me..... 
Her lamp didn't make "my cut" ... and IT needed to go!

First off I found it emasculating ....
and really didnt appreciate where they had chosen to put the on/off switch!

She countered by rejecting my table.....

Not my Star Trek table!!!

So I struck back..... 
And rejected her awful awful chandeliers!!!!!
Which I always hated!!

To this she quickly grew upset ....
And told me  "If I have to get rid of the only thing I have left that reminds me of Carlos.... than your other stupid chair is gone too!!"
Wait I thought... who was Carlos... and dear god why did that chandelier remind her of him?

But I would never get that answer....
We went on to throw out piece after piece of furniture...

She would toss out one of my chairs...

And I would toss one of her weird mens ab chairs?

She would toss out my "hand crafted" wine cabinet...

And I would get rid of her weird Mermaid couch....

She would toss out my "crotch nightstand"....

And I would toss out her weird man-shelf?
Man I hated that thing!

And then....
Well then it happened.... we just plain ran out of furniture to eliminate...
And all was well again!


So what did we do?
Well....we made up.... 
And discovered a nice "furniture compromise" on the set-up of our new place....

This one....

And thats where we are....
Furniture- less.... but happy!


Now the important thing was nobody won The Furniture War...
Though between you and me....  I did figure out a way to keep at least one piece of my furniture.... I just "modified it"...

And for that I proclaim myself
the winner!!!

Anyways enjoy your furniture everybody...
Cause you never know when a furniture war will find you!
And blog ya'll later!


Back with new material Wednesday....