The Cats with Guns Post

Alright... today I thought I would do a little post for all the cat people out there.... 

...but with a terrifying spin!

So.... I proudly present today...
The Cats With Guns Post!!

I know what your saying....
Finally right?!

Well to be honest...
 I have actually long wanted to out these furry little demon creatures for what they really are....

Cold blooded killers!!!

Yep..

Now I know many of you find cats adorable....

But I'm here to say "Please do not buy into their cuteness!"

Why?

Well lately these monsters are being trained to KILL......

By who you ask?

Well only the most ruthless of terrorists...
 (who may coincidentally also enjoy cuddling)....
but that's not the point...

You see.... cats have been buying their time for years!
Taking naps..... playing with string....
But also sharpening their claws....

...probably on your favorite furniture!!

And they have been..... 

..."testing the exits!"

Oh and trust me...
They are ready to....

Pounce!!!

Yep cats have just turned mean....

Gone are the fun days where you could dip your cat in Easter egg dye.....

And play dress up with your little fluffball.

Or maybe buy the perfect costume.....

To embarrass... 
er... 
....parade your little fur monster around in public!

Really back in the day...

 As long as you had enough paint.....

...cats would let you do anything you wanted to them!!

Well not anymore...
These furry little "catnip junkies" have had enough...
And guess what..... according to the internet...
They have been learning about firearms??

And they are ready to fight!

But who is training them?
Well my research uncovered this lady...
The Baroness of Cats....
And not only does she think she's a cat...
 Shes actually as mean as them....

And "got some serious issues" according to an ex I spoke with.
But whatever...

Oh and heres here toilet!!!

And kittys hungry!!!!
Um.....
 I dont know how else you expected me to weave this cat toilet to this cat story...
Im not proud of this joke...
Lets just move on....

Back to cats and......

GRENADES even!!
Dear god!!

Yep cats are skilled with all kinds of weaponry these days....
Learning from cat grenade afficianado....


This guy....

Who is currently serving time with his lioness in prison!!!

And in a blog exclusive...
I have uncovered knowledge that cats have been training in the art of CAMOUFLAGE.....

Under this guy.... 

Who is clearly recognized as a "master" in blending in wherever he goes.....

And the cats are getting crazy good....
For example....

Here

And here

And here....



And trust me he is there....
The tabby cat is in front of the stones on the right....


And then finally here........

....

...
...
...
Alright....
 So there's not really a cat in that last picture...
But their friggin could be for all we know!!!

And that's my point?
Cats are sneaky and dangerous......

And so I guess...
Consider yourself warned....

And before I go...
And also on a similar dangerous animal level....
Allow me to warn you about birds....
Cause birds as Im finding out....

Are turning people into poorly dressed zombie-like humans!!!
I mean... why else would you go out in public like that?
But I guess.... that's for a whole other post...

And until then
Blog ya'll later!

The Drive Thru Post

Welcome back everyone...
Today we are gonna talk about the drive thru.

Something we all know....

Something many of us even love...

This guy knows what Im talking about!!

Well.... in fact... 
The "drive thru" is a love affair that for many of us...
... started at a very early age...
Yep...
Cant you remember back to your very first drive thru toy!!

Like this one...
That perfect "learning toy" for ages 3 to 5...
or... maybe...
... for that mid thirties unemployed "professional gamer" 
crazy ass uncle living in your basement.... 
For him...it was just the perfect kinda job training tool!

Anyways....
If I am honest I occasional enjoy a drive thru meal....
Especially on a really hot day....
When I just need some food... 
and maybe a little something to cool off with...

Its often so so refreshing!!! 

Whatever...
You see for me...
While the drive thru experience is definitely all about getting the food you want fast.

As I found out...
Its actually about HOW you get there that counts too...

Be it horse....

Or unicycle...

Or maybe your "rascal"...

Or maybe even that Halloween costume prop you spent WAY to much time on...

Or this...
Which is my absolute favorite...

The getaway car?
Man that's always memorable!!

But wait...
I know what you are thinking?
What if you are feeling to lazy to actually find a vehicle to take yourself through the drive thru?
Or maybe you dont feel like driving at all......

Well just have a buddy "throw your ass" in the back of a wagon??
Perfect!!

Now... as we know..
Drive thrus are clearly everywhere...
And you never have to go very far to find one...
But if you are ever having trouble finding a really "quality" one...
Here's my tip...


Just carefully read their SIGNS...
That's it..
Really closely.....
Cause truthfully what I have found is...

Its amazing how accurate they can be!

But lets move past food as the only kinda drive thru shall we?
Cause I found some other amazing drive thrus...

Obviously there's the...

Wedding drive thru... Always so romantic!

And then there's this gem....
And this is 100% real...
The STRIP CLUB drive thru???
What?

Yep its called Climax???
Classy!
.....in Congruity, Pennsylvania??
Wow!!

Um... lets move on...
There's this one...

The "pharmacy refilled my medication wrong" drive thru.

And then there's these...
The best two drive thrus ever...
The...

....drive thru church?
Way to go Daytona Florida!!
Now in their defense... I will tell you...
you haven't ever really lived to you have heard...
...their "engine revving" version of the Hallelujah chorus!!

And then finally this....
The best ever...

The Drive Through Funeral Parlor!!!

Which... is absolutely real!!
And remember.... the next time you are at one of these...
ALWAYS double tap your horn in respect for the deceased!
Its just the right thing to do.

And on that note??
(Beep Beep uncle Joe)
And blog ya'll later

My Dirty Romance Novel

We embraced.....

He whispered to me in a low voice how he was going to ravage me....
I couldn't wait!!

He kissed on my thigh...
I had shivers.....

He ran his tongue down my lower stomach...
Magic...

He rubbed his junk on my armpit???
And well....
That was just kinda weird???

But...
 Whatever...

We moved on....
Back to the sexytime...

And before it got crazy hot.... 
And it would...
He stopped...
He needed me to sign a special contract....

No not for anything naughty...
But for a Netflix account for him...
You see he suffered from bad credit...
 And they wouldn't rent to him anymore...
So I did....

And then we got right back to it... the sex that is...

Yep he grabbed me....
Oh ya... 
That good strong kinda grabbing....
Probably like the kind OJ did in his day....

And soon we were making love.... 
And let me tell you....

It was probably the best love making the world has ever seen!!
A sex SO important....  
It probably coulda helped solve cold fusion if it wanted too!!!
Or bring peace to the middle east!!

And then I orgasmed!
Oh ya...
Like a crazy Carrie Fisher... out of my mind kinda style!!

And then again and again....

And then...
Well then he got up and he made himself a sandwich...

And you know what....
That made me orgasm AGAIN!!!
Cause I just knew that sandwich was gonna be "Sexy as Hell"

Probably just the right amount of mustard...
And my guess..... an "eyebrow raising" helping of meat...
Oh man...
And dont even get me started on the bread....
Oh it was buttery and.....

well it was...

wait...

wait.... 


Oh man!!

Now this is embarrassing!!!

I uh....

Got this mixed up....
...with the "50 Shades of Grey" inspired blog I have been working on while I took a break from posting here..... 

Um....

Well....

Allow me to take off my.....

50 shades of grey inspired tie.....
 Dont judge!!

And welcome you all back to From the Mind of A Madman!

And since I guess...
This officially kicks off season 3 of this blog???
Well I thought I would letcha all know...

...that each Monday at 9:00 a.m. will be a new post..
...and then sometimes...
... randomly...
...we will blatantly disregard our "court ordered"
 "Blog Restraining Orders!!"..
... and put out some other ridiculous post? 

(but that totally depends on my bourbon and zima level)

Come on dont judge!

But whatever...
Definitely every Monday at 9:00 a.m...
... will be the big picture post....

Anyways.... here's a preview of  next weeks topic.... 

We are going through the Drive Thru!

And until then...
Have a supersized week and....
Blog ya'll later.

Season 3 Of This Blog

Starts September 10th....
Yep a whole new season of weird pictures and awkward captions!!

And I promise this season we are going.....

...bigger than ever!

Its gonna be much much more....

.... revealing??

Yep.....  no more....

.....lazy shortcuts for this blogger!

Im firing up all my computers this season....
In fact...
Im going to be using my newest creation....

The "computer rainbow"....
Designed to search the entire internet....
... for "All pictures as beautiful as a RAINBOW!!!"...

How great is that right?
Right??
No more weird and creepy pictures.... just purty ones!!!
Im excited...
Lets turn it on and see what it finds...

(Steve turns on the fake computer rainbow)
And......

Wow.... a rainbow car!!
That's pretty nice....

And.... 
Ah....  a rainbow cake!!

That's..... well....
...you know....
um...
.... actually that doesn't look very appetizing does it??
Huh?

Oh well.... 
Lets just move on...... 
I wonder what else it found "as beautiful as a rainbow"?

uh.......  these?
 Ridiculously long rainbow braids?
Hmmm?
Is this thing even working?

You know Im starting to almost worry what else it found?

A rainbow wedding!!
Well I guess hat's not too bad???

Unless you were part of their bridal party?!
 And were asked to walk down the aisle with Kermit?
Jim Hensen would not have approved!!

Oh and speaking of pictures of Kermit that Jim Hensen would not have approved....

There's this nightmare of a tattoo!!
Dear god!!
...described as "Aliens versus Muppets"
Which.... I guess.... actually kinda makes sense?
....but still...
.. if you know someone who has this tattoo on them...
Hug them...
Man do they need it!!!!

 

Um....
Clearly we have veered off the "path of pretty rainbows"
And now Im just plain worried what else it found....
And as it turns out....

I should have been...
Oh man!!!
How do I turn this thing off!!!

But wait....
 ... it says "one picture remaining"....
The "BIGGEST BEST RAINBOW EVER"
I don't know?

But.... Im kinda curious....
Lets take a look at it... shall we?

Oh!!!
 Wow!!!
And on that note...

And... with obvious apologies!!
I am happy to be back...
The new season...
Season 3 starts September 10th
Blog ya'll later

The Slurpee Post

Welcome back to the blog everyone...
Alright.... by now.... wherever you are....
Your SUMMER is probably off to a good start!
Which is great!
And I for one...
Hope you are all out enjoying every bit of it...
Enjoying those outdoor activities....

No matter how dangerous!!
Like this guy!
Who loves summer so freekin much every year!!
But sadly....

Often spends the rest of it like this?

And by now I'm sure you have dug out...
...those favorite "summer clothes"...
The ones hat have been buried in your closet since last year!
You know the ones.......
The ones that are overly....

Breezy?!

But whatever...
And if you thought those clothes were bad.....
Remember on this blog....

Worse clothes are always right around the corner?

Anyways....
Ugh!
Let me shake that one off...
Ok..... 
Now Im sure by now.... 
You have all been cooling off at some pool.....

Maybe within a pool??

Or maybe you have been.....

Making your own pool?

Well either way hopefully you are enjoying the hot weather!


And that's what I wanted to talk about today...
COOLING OFF!


Cause for me...
 Cooling off means one thing each summer...


SLURPEES!!!
Yep..... those beautiful jugs of frozen sugar flavoring...
.... that on a hot day....

Can appear like an oasis at the nearest gas station!

Oh....you know that special drink...

The one that often come in..... really.... 

....weird.....

....flavors?

Yep that's the one...
That refreshing drink.....
That can turn even your brattiest neighbor kids....

...into complete nightmares!!

Well I for one...
I dont care...
I love the slurpee...
And sure.... the slurpee can be...

Somehow a controversial topic?

And sure...
 Some people can go overboard with how much they consume...


I for one... am not a fan of 7-11's....

"Fill Up A Trash Bag With Slurpee".... promotion!! 

But hey that's their deal...
And to their credit they do say that....

Which I find...
  "Just plain debatable!!"

But whatever...
The slurpee is like an American institution...


Now "the marketing" of it....  is at times......

Extremely questionable?

But that's a whole other topic for another day...
Now... let me leave you with a beautiful little slurpee story...
... to bring this post to a close...


A romantic story...


You see Jim met Candice at a 7-11 one day..


 And sparks flew..


They were in love!!!

And Jim proposed!!!

And I know what you ladies are thinking....
You are thinking she responded... 

Like this.... right??

Nope....  
She said YES!!!


I know I'm as shocked as you!!


And so they were married....

Right there at 7-11... ?!?

Yep... 
And they even had a...

Slurpee cake made!!!

Wow!!
Now I would like to be able to tell you...
....that they lived happily ever after!


 But sadly that's not the case..
You see... 
They divorced...


And Jim was devastated...
Candice moved on and met someone...


And as for Jim... well he never recovered...


In fact he still goes in to that same 7-11 every day...


... at the same time...


And he makes slurpees.... 


...that well....


 remind him ...

Of his favorite parts of her?!?

And on that note??
I hope you all are enjoying your summer..
And blog ya'll later!