The Oscars review......mostly

The Oscars were last night....and I watched. Couple thoughts. Let me preface this by saying I love the Oscars. I always have. Its the most important award show of the year. (possible exception being the Best World Leader of the Year Award Show).....got a feeling Egyptian ousted president Mubarek or freeky crazy Libyan dictator Gadhafi wont be nominated.....and Obama don't get to cocky...you haven't exactly knocked it out of the park this year either...uh.....back to the Oscars

So this year was supposed to be the "young and hip" show.  They got Anne Hathaway and James Franco...and....... wheel out the bones of Bob Hope or Billy Crystal ( wait is he dead?) .....why?.....cause this show sucked. Young? Hip? Heres a rule.....If you have to say that you are hip? You are NOT... academy! I guess maybe its "current" to be stoned all show?   right James Franco?



Also, this year, a video montage with the hosts walking through all the different movies was the big intro....heres a note....they do that same thing at the Peoples Choice Awards academy!!!! and better!! Come to think of it every awards show does this... But to be fair this show is written by the visionary writers that bring you sequel after sequel after sequel......

And then the singing number...  Anne Hathaway basically singing about stalking Hugh Jackman.... followed by James Franco coming out in drag for a joke about Charlie Sheen.....what is going on? Maybe  this years show was actually an audition to take over, the now vacant, Two and a Half Men's spot in CBS's lineup?   huh?   That actually makes sense. 

The night culminated with The Kings Speech winning  best picture....keeping my personal streak alive....knowing nothing about the best picture movie cause I didn't see it.....so way to go Academy................another year in the books. Well at least you have a full year from today....you know....to get started on that hilarious video montage.




This just in Swiss president Micheline
Calmy-Rey is front runner for "World
 Leader of the Year".....typical!

The How I die tombstones with pictures...

So I have the ability to forsee my own death! Or a couple different versions how... at least..... Its a blessing and a curse. And when these visions hit me I quickly write them down. Odd how they always rhyme but..... whatever. I guess its good to be ready for when that time comes....you know to explain the end in your own words... True its kinda morbid but I like to think, just maybe, these tombstones might help somebody.... somewhere....someday. How?     um.....   uh......    I have no idea?........just read em o.k...........

Tombstone #1

Here lies Steve Bailey

Who knew this day would come

Understood the leprosy he could no longer outrun

The funeral will be cheaper, the mortician did say

There'll be less and less to bury each and every day

Tombstone #2

Here lies a man who lived a wild life

Survived by the bed bugs that slept by his side

He wrote lyrics, loved sports, tried to see the world funny

But fell in the cage of a hungry zoo monkey

Tombstone #3

Poor sailor Bailey he's gone lost at sea

the sharks may have got him or hes sunk to the bottom

But to die in a speedo

Your never forgotten

Tombstone #4

The alarm didn't sound, he was running behind

he must race 20 blocks just to make it on time.....

so he weaved through the people, he darted down streets....

he jumped over benches all the while gaining speed.... 

finally he reached work, exhausted, and opened the door

And the building  exploded....... and Steve raced no more.....

Thanks for reading. Gotta run. 

Late for work. 

Revisiting the first Wikileaks Post with photos now....

So Wikileaks is all over the news....... leaked governmental secrets... well guess what......I have opened up my blog as a safe place for leaked information to be posted as well....... Having said that I would like to introduce Baileyleaks.......

The Iraqi war was not over ousting Saddam or oil as previously reported but actually over the harvesting of "spice".

Free Willy was never freed!!!

The Biggest Loser actually makes the contestants use liposuction & tapeworms!

Bed bugs are actually evolved sea monkeys..... and were released by evil sheet companies

Speaking of evil sheet companies..... I have it on good authority that 500 thread count sheets ....actually 425 count......the bastards

Violet is no longer the last color in the rainbow......replaced by mauve.........This baileyleak sent in by the people from Americas Next Top Model

Clones already walk among us..... they are called republicans!!!!!!

To be fair ........aliens walk among us too... trying to soften us up militarily for the coming invasion.... they are democrats!!! Side note...Isn't this picture freaky?

O.J. was actually innocent..................................... this sent in by the people from wikilies.... and in truth I just cant find a picture that proves this......

PMS doesnt exist...... just an elaborate ploy to explain female madness...and the dude who dates the girl with this plate....she warned you buddy!! I also love that its an Oregon plate..

Iron Chef and 5 star chef Bobby Flay is ..............the next Chef Boyardee....Delicious!

Lost season 7 exists....... where they arent dead.............but in a shocking twist it was filmed before the actors were even born. And all you ending haters (Michael) it WAS emotionally satisfying...or maybe your just dead inside!!

One Muppet died during the making of "The Muppet Movie"...                                            Shoulda been Fozzy!

There actually is something to the" I stayed at a holiday inn express last night"... scientists currently investigating..... Heres a thought. Maybe it has something to do with motel bedbugs?

D.J.ing confirmed (after extensive study) to actually be "playing records". Sent in by the people from wikiwikiwikileaks...... I knew it!!!

Prostitution not the oldest profession..... scientists have discovered.....  politician actually older.... but also very similar in duties the study has found

              and lastly the internet........ shockingly created by the Amish

        more to come...........soon........

Friday Review...The Gerald Wallace to the Trailblazers trade!!!

So our beloved Portland sports franchise made a significant trade at the trade deadline Thursday....essentially giving salary cap relief and future mid first round picks for Gerald Wallace a 6' 7" physical small forward from the Charlotte Bobcats. Sure Joel Przybilla and Dante Cunningham were included but in truth neither were likely going to be resigned this summer anyway. Joel will most likely retire after maybe another season (he has never regained his form after his knee injury). Dante can play, and should have a long NBA career with his mid range jumper and defensive work ethic, but wasn't ever going to develop into more than a role player. I will miss his play............. however.......

This trade is about Gerald Wallace. One year removed from being an All-Star and on the all NBA defensive first team with the likes of Lebron James and Dwight Howard and Kobe Bryant . He is averaging just under 16 points a game and 8 rebounds a game.....but the numbers don't tell the story people. This guys nickname is Crash!!!! He is very tough and an above the rim ( just wait for the alley-oops) menace. In coach Nate McMillans defense, he is going to drive the Kevin Durants and Lamar Odoms of the world crazy.....  hey Blazer fans he is kinda a cross between Jerome Kersey and Buck Williams (kinda Old school tough). He can score and rebound but he can defend and disrupt. So sit back and welcome a key piece to this team moving out of the first round...this season....and challenge for the western conference....... 

Plus you can recycle your old Rasheed Wallace jersey....bonus!

Just for fun....here are a few Blazer season predictions

Blazers 5th in western Conference ( 49-33)

Match up with Lakers in first round....Blazers win in 6

Blazers face San Antonio ( a team they match up well with) in second round.....win in 7

Blazers face Dallas in conference finals and lose in 6 (although I really hope Im wrong on this one)

Thats it....call me a homer....or maybe a NBA whisperer....either way time will tell.....wont it

Welcome to Gerald Wallace...a great trade....

Oh ya one more prediction.....Lamarcus Aldridge makes the all-star team the next five years in a row! Go Blazers!

Patrick's Picture Post #3

Well the Grammys aired last week and there was plenty of controversy. I've been kind of surprised that there hasn't been more coverage of the Best New Artist category acceptance speech. For those of you who didn't see it, Kanye struck again! This time, he was helping Justin Bieber confront Esperanza Spalding, a Portland native. Will that guy ever give up???

(For those of you who struggle to remember the first Kanye controversy at the VMAs, the picture below should help)

Richard Wads Post for the kids

by Richard Wad....basically an amazing human being


Here we go...Lets spit stupid out our mouth.....or blog.....same thing. So what to talk to you shut-ins about? Well I have noticed people who blog enjoy putting up some fun pictures they like. Look at this. Look at that. I also lately was told "Richard you know what you need..... some children in your life.....to see the joy in their faces and you might just remember back when you were a happier person."  Well I thought about it and you were right "friend". So these photos are for all you kids..... enjoy!

I hope you enjoyed this kids as much as I did putting it together for you. And anyone this may somehow offend...please please let me know....I am thinking about a list of biggest lame douchbags for next wednesday and I would love to add you! Suck it Portland!