Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Royal Wedding/ Worst Wedding Ever Post

Hey everybody guess what happened this week..... The Royal Wedding.. Did you hear about it? Well I'm guessing by now you have. You probably even know a few friends who stayed up all night to watch Live!!!! So I thought and I thought..... whats my take on this going to be. Should I do a funny weddings post? Should I talk about how weddings like this put unrealistic dreams of what a wedding should be to girls around the globe? You are screwed fellas!! Or should I do what I do best.... put wedding photos up on here? Awful ones. Lets do that. So.....enjoy everybody....

Picture one....Classy creepy scary rednecky wedding... They spared no expense...
Germ-aphobey wedding. You should see what they wore on their wedding night?

Hey hookers get married too...

And porn stars.... Hey don't judge them. HE found true love.... 

All right but what about theme weddings? Sure their always fun for the wedding party.... maybe not so much the guests. I myself am planning on a Lost themed wedding or maybe a Family Guy themed wedding or... scratch that ... those who know me, better get ready for a Survivor wedding. Its great I just have to provide rice..... and I can't wait to vote out my craziest family members........its gonna be the best.... um..... back to the photos!

Even nerds get married.... 
and a Shrek wedding I guess... makes sense? No.

Nerds everywhere just excused themselves.
WTF!!! Those brides maids were less than thrilled about the bridesmaid corsets! A hell wedding.... at least they weren't fooling themselves about the years to come.
Underwater wedding... Now this is just kinda cool.

So everyone as you can see, theme weddings pretty much rock. However.... what other wedding snapshots might I have uncovered. I found some good ones people. For example this next one.... it may be tough to look at. It may make you cringe...... so ....... your welcome.

She wont be taking this off at the bar any time soon...... genius!!!

Best best best and even a fourth best dress ever!! He was such a lucky groom!!!

They made beautiful babies. Who knew?

This bride gave the absolute best speech ever!!!! She 's just freekin crazy!
She had a life size cake made of herself? Shockingly, she went with vanilla? Weird.
Finally a bridesmaid dress you can reuse...... They just have no idea where.  

and lastly let me leave you with a couple photos of weddings that I am looking deep into my crystal ball and predicting..... they probably wont stand the test of time..... You be the judge.
He's hella fun though

And then this guy.... I mean really? I guess he doesn't let something as silly as a wedding stop his game. Well played....d-bag! Well played!

Thanks everybody...... gotta go find someone.... to start planning my Survivor themed wedding with. Blog ya later.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Top 10 places not to hide Easter eggs... amongst other stuff

So hey everyone. Im hoping everyone had a fantastic Easter or whatever the Scientology equivalent of that is.... maybe Alien Resurrection day... (where you have to find a bunch of easter probes hidden in people)

Anyways it got me thinking of doing a top 10 places not to hide Easter eggs around the house post.... a very family friendly entry I thought for once.... unfortunately after I started thinking about it ... it turned out to be not so family oriented. Even better ..... so ..... here we go ...enjoy!!!!

Top 10 places not to hide Easter eggs around the house

10. Don't hide eggs...... in the sink drain with the garbage disposal ...... especially when the rooms dark and you're flipping on light switches ... kinda makes sense right!

9. The toilet... I mean come on thats obvious. Bidets, urinals, or holes in the ground (for my Arkansas readers) they count as well. Don't hide em there....

8. In mommies "toy" drawer..... um.... heres where I put the "thats not an egg" joke. Inappropriate maybe.... but also so true...

7. The  litter box..... or I guess that corner of the yard that the dog "prefers"

6. In or near the hornets nest attached to the shed.... or I guess the bee hive counts. Or maybe the alligator pond.... or the snipe den?

5. Anywhere near the creepy nudist neighbors house. You know the one. That guy that had to "introduce" himself when he moved in next door. On second thought if you're reading this blog ... you might be that guy.

4. Near the tree with the poison oak and all the spiders and the snake holes and its on fire and somehow it has learned how to shoot guns and its ill tempered. Wait... wait.. this one just jumped the shark .... disregard.

3. In the pile of all the rotting Easter eggs from all the previous Easters .... this one is hoarder specific. Seriously hoarders pull it together!

2. Inside the dog  (come on people he ate it .... I would never.. )

1. and lastly..... in your pants..... the good side to this hiding wont ever be asked to hide the family's easter eggs again.

There it is............. an Easter related naughty post? Not too bad. Definitely not as bad though as my top 10 Commandments for this generation post I opted not to complete.....

10. Thou shalt not marry multiple times.... unless the new spouses get hotter and younger each time

9. Thou shalt not bear overly unrealistic plastic surgery.... unless tastefully done

8. Don't covet thy neighbors internet porn

7....... um... moving on

As you can see that was headed down a bad path .... I guess it would have been just one last moral nail in my coffin. Make that my Costco purchased coffin. What's that you ask? Oh ya.... they actually do sell coffins there!!! Yep Costco sells all your afterlife needs..... But seriously who buys those in bulk. I guess maybe cults would.... or Al Qaida.... (actually they probably just buy bulk shovels) Thats right I just did a mass grave joke..... um ... Lepor colonies would or somehow Enron. (the bastards) You know I should stop .... I should save this for some other holiday post... oh I don't know.....  maybe Shake a Baby Day? Damn you Al Qaida for inventing that holiday!!! .... uh ..... well .... we just went from Easter to mass graves. I think thats enough for today....

Let me leave you with two Easter Fails I found and Blog ya'll later.

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Most Dangerous Badass Post Part1

So I was thinking lately that my blog has become a bit "safe". Its true we have covered some very important topics (from douchebags to the things not to say in bed)..... but where is that element of danger? I want my blog to be something that after reading you may or may not walk away from it with a limp. Why? Cause its the most freakin dangerous blog on the net. I want parents to tell their kids "Stay away from that blog.... its bad news." ..... And I want the "good" girls to secretly like my blog cause its naughty and bad.......  its all right ladies keep reading..... you like these words...... I bet you like these words dont you?......  I can type em all  s l o w   i f   y o u   l i k e   l a d i e s...... thn fst.  T h e n   s l o w. Then maybe with bad grammar "These cookies is good!" .....basically whatever works for ya... cause this sites trouble...  and all about danger and being bad from now on.

 So ..... with that all said........ here we go. Bring on Part 1 of the Danger Post (thats right its gonna have 2 parts cause its that hard core dangerous..... bitches!)....uh..... just read below.

Danger starts with Evel Kneivel....  the original dangerer!

This is freekin dangerous! Just sayin.

This is just crazy. (crazy dangerous)

Para skiing... awesome.... and...  you know what. I'm starting to feel a bit tougher already. I mean I wouldn't ever do this.... but I can totally check out the photos without looking away.

Now that there... thats a whole different kind of danger. Feeling less tough...

Really guy.... no hands? Thats what I'm talking about...

Falling in the polar bear cage at the zoo...  counts
Bees count too. This is actually a photo of a wedding.. ... genius... I am 100% behind destination weddings... but there is a line!

 and now for the medical portion of the danger post............ I mean clearly going to see doctors and pharmacists and dentists has an element of danger. but.... some things are even more dangerous than that.....

I mean have you ever had to find black market organs? Its pretty dangerous.

On th plus side surgeons know how to party this never leads to anything but danger.

This kind of smoking.... makes you look crazy cool but clearly dangerous

Dangerous if persists for longer than four hours.... just consult a physician
Here's what happens when you don't care about the dangers of plastic surgery... 
and finally when acupuncture meets addiction....theres danger. You should see what he's got going on down below...

all right..... so back to some other random dangerous photos I found.
S   h   a   l   l        w   e   ?

The most dangerous place to sleep aside from Charlie Sheens house...

The most dangerous beach to surf. This is my nightmare!

um...... gotta be the most dangerous shoes ever

 dangerous road
more dangerous road

dangerous amusement park ride. But she'll be fine-ish
most dangerous waterslide.... 

most dangerous to owner when not fed

Only dangerous when caught

and finally for today..... most dangerous hobby
it leads to this

So thats it..... but don't worry..... more danger to come.............. I feel like its working.... and just maybe we are all a little tougher now ..... a bit more badass. Oddly I have a strong urge to go get a Trans-Am...... but anyways....  let me leave you with this..... and blog ya'll later.