The Occupy Portland (and other things) Post.....

Lets get right to it today. While walking to the movie theater downtown yesterday, I stumbled upon the worlds most unsanitary tailgate party... er.... an Occupy Portland rally. 

So..  I stopped and listened. You see for me I believe the message is sound. Our financial system does need change. Big time!!  However.....  camping downtown like you are waiting for the Grateful Dead to start playing seemed like a "different choice" to get that message out? 

People were partying.... people were drinking... people were smoking... It kinda looked like somehow the last person awake at every single party in town had converged to form one giant blackout? 






And it smelled! It left me kinda hoping the riot police had brought their Febreeze rifles!! 

 

But whatever! If acting like a giant congregation of carnies can help expedite change....  then "carnie on people". Now.... I was about to leave when they started chanting something very interesting. They started to slur... er... chant how they were taking the movement out of the parks and into the stores and cafes. No joke! That is what they said! 

And its here I can help!! If occupying things and irritating the people of Portland will help to bring about nationwide change...... well........ then everybody.... I have 10 ideas! 

1. First off ..... Occupy Elevators ... Seriously! Just go fill up every elevator in town... People would notice!.. Who enjoys a crowded smelly elevator.. right? 

2. Or maybe Occupy Jukeboxes. Simply panhandle for quarters...  then go to every bar in town..... and pick bad songs to play on repeat ... over and over!


 That's making me mad just thinking about it!

3. Or... here's one... Occupy the Fast Lane...... It's simple..... Drive slow in the fast lane! Everywhere! How freakin' maddening would this be.... plus its perfect for your elder occupiers!

4. or... Occupy the World of Warcraft. Gamers everywhere would be so mad if it was too busy for them to get online!!!  If you took away their ability to "level up" they would definitely listen to your demands!!!

5. How bout ......  Occupy the Changing Rooms at the Mall..... No one would enjoy that!! Plus its perfect for that creepy occupier in your rally!!

6. You could Occupy Marijuana Dispensories everywhere!  Wait! Completely disregard!!! My sources tell me this is already happening! 

7. and you could also  Occupy Express Lines at Grocery Stores ..... Man that would suck!! Bonus points if you have way more than twelve items!

8.  Occupy a Doctors Office! ...... I know Stacy didn't appreciate it!!!
















9. Hmm...... what else? Maybe go Occupy A Freeway?

9b. or  Occupy Parking?


I hate that one!!!

 And that brings us to # 10! So finally...... 
and very regrettably....  


 Maybe someone should just go Occupy the Locker Room at Penn State.... cause clearly...... they could use an extra set of eyes...




And on that note.... thats it for today!  so good luck to you wherever you are protesting everybody!


Blog ya'll later!

Tip #5 to spice up your sex life- sexy costumes

So I figured it was time to resume my top 10 ways to spice up your sex life list.... with a brand new one. And in case any of you are asking yourself "why in the name of all that is holy is he doing this stupid list?"... let me reshare the email I received that got this whole thing started....



Dear Madman,
I enjoy this site from time to time. You seem to cover a wide variety of topics..... and since I don't think anyone actually reads this (no offense) I feel safe to ask you....this personal favor. Can you give me a few tips on how to really big time spice up my sex life? I would really appreciate it.... and so would my lover!
Thanks,
DryspellDebbie



so.... we did these posts already:


Tip #1 to spice up your sex life- Candles
Tip #2 To spice up your sex life.... Food
Tip #3 To spice up your sex life.... Different places
Tip #4 To spice up your sex life... The threesome


and here is the continuation...... today's entry #5 Sexy Costumes.

First off, though....  
We need to find out if this tip is even suited for you?


So..... go ahead and honestly answer the following questions....

Has your love life felt uninspired lately?












 Has your lover become uninterested? 

Does your lover often look disgusted when looking in your general direction?

Or, are you what others would genuinely call..... "Fugly"?

Well, if you answered yes to ANY of the above questions.... I can proudly recommend "Sexy Costumes" to you...

So here's how you do it properly:


Go out and find a costume...


Really any costume will do...


Then wear the freekin costume....


And then just wait for your lover to come home ....


Cause really there's just one rule...

You just cant look like yourself....


Cause you were the problem.... Remember?


And that's pretty much it..... 


So now just sit back

and get ready for the sexitime...


Cause your lover is gonna be so excited to see you not look like yourself!






Trust me you'll thank me later!!!






Now......  I know what your thinking...


Shouldn't my lover love me for how I actually look? 

And isn't this just really tricking someone into getting romantic?


Maybe... but who cares as long as it works... Just enjoy the evening, stupid!




Side note- Some costumes have been known to back fire!!!!!!!




How do you all feel about this? Do you need more proof that this works? Well then..... lets check in with some of my readers (who I have recently encouraged to use sexy costumes) and see if it worked for them.... shall we.....






First off lets take Chrisie

Here's Chrisie's showing us one of her usual seductive moves... which.... sadly haven't been working very well lately for her.

So she decided to surprise her significant other with a sexy cat costume.... 
In her mind he was going to take one look at her
and  "clothes were gonna start falling off!!"

But sadly, he saw her like this.....




And..... 

She sent me this email...




Dear Mad Man,
       I hate you.... Your sex tips don't work.....  Can't type anymore 'cause of all the crying!!!  
Chrisie






uh ...... so it doesn't work EVERY time? So what. I'm sure its working elsewhere.... In fact lets check in with Ronald who is also giving this a try.... hopefully with better results...


First off I must mention that Ronald, being the romantic he is, had been trying everything to get his sweetheart in the mood.

....but somehow nothing was working

In a weird coincidence.... he also decided to go with a cat costume.... but more of a leopard print... Anyways... In his mind she was gonna see him like this.... 

and she was gonna jump his bones...

but...............

But she saw him like this.... and sadly there would be no boning......
 

You see she too saw him "differently" that night.


and Ronald wrote in to tell us how it went... but in his words...

Dear Blogger Guy with the Sex Tips,
       I'm writing to tell you that the costume thing works! It does!!! It especially did for my sweet Becky (the love of my life). She loved  the cat costume.... Apparently the minute she saw me dressed up like a cat it awoke this animal in her...... a passionate animal.......  sexitime was on!!!!!

"Just not for me.....
I hate you!!!!"

well..... I think that's it for today's post 
Sex tip #5 Sexy Costumes.......  Where results may vary!


blog ya'll later!